I was just getting back home after a long day of pretending to be a responsible adult. You know—surviving work, dodging bills, and mentally preparing myself for the circus that is my household.
Right as I reached my apartment building, I spotted Fiona near the entrance.
Our eyes met for a split second.
"Hey, Fiona!" I waved.
And then—she sprinted. Full-on anime run, hugging her bag like a damsel in a shoujo series, weeping.
I stood there like a confused NPC.
"...What the heck was that about?" I scratched my head. "Did I forget her birthday?
Sighing, I took the stairs—too lazy to wait for the elevator. Life with dragons surprisingly improves your cardio.
Before I could even lower my hand, the door swung open.
"Welcome home, Papa!" Elena greeted me, eyes sparkling like she just spotted a unicorn made of sugar.
"What did you bring? Did you bring something?! Something sweet?!"
This girl had snack radar sharper than most military-grade equipment.
From behind her, Her Royal Grumpiness emerged—Erza, Dragon Queen of a terrifying ancient race, now a full-time freeloader in my 1BHK apartment.
She crossed her arms.
"Hey, mortal. Did you bring what I asked for?"
I grinned. "Of course. How could I forget my mighty Lizard Queen's divine request?"
She narrowed her eyes. "Stop calling me that."
I fished through the grocery bag like I was unboxing a treasure chest.
"This one's for you, Elena."
"ICE CREAM!? YAAAY!!" She grabbed it and bounced like she'd just achieved world peace.
"And this..." I turned to Erza, holding up a medium-sized box with a dramatic flair.
She raised an eyebrow. "Chocolate ice cream?"
"I figured you might like it."
She squinted suspiciously. "How did you know I like chocolate?"
"I don't know... my heart told me."
She stared at me with pure judgment.
"Humans are so weird."
Still, she took the box and dug in. And then
Inner Erza: Oh my stars... this is divine. Sweet. Bitter. Smooth. What is this sorcery?! I must never let him see the pleasure.
"Not bad," she muttered coolly, despite clearly ascending to flavor heaven.
I smirked. "See? Told you. My heart never lies."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Your 'heart' or whatever."
Elena was out cold on the couch, an empty ice cream cup still clutched in her tiny hands like a war trophy. A drop of melted sweetness dangled from the corner of her mouth.
"She's down for the count," I whispered, slowly draping a blanket over her. "Sleep well, sugar gremlin."
I slipped into my sleepwear—read: the nearest pair of boxers and a T-shirt that may or may not belong to Erza—and collapsed into bed with the grace of a tranquilized rhino.
The TV murmured in the background. Erza was still out there, binge-watching some overly dramatic cooking show where chefs screamed like they were summoning demons every time someone cut an onion.
A beautiful meadow. Birds chirping. Flowers blooming.
A melon. No, the melon. Glorious. Radiant. Fluffy.
Like destiny itself had blessed it with heavenly squishiness.
I reached for it, fingers trembling in reverence.
My eyes snapped open.
My hand was... not empty.
Full of something that did not belong to me.
And that something... was attached to Erza.
Yes. Her breast. dragon melon
Two eternal seconds where the universe paused.
My soul left my body, filed a complaint, and considered early reincarnation.
Internal screaming commenced.
"YOU ABSOLUTE MORTAL FOOL—!!"
"WAIT!! I CAN EXPLAIN! I SWEAR
I THOUGHT IT WAS A MELON! I WAS DREAMING—!!"
Her aura flared. Furniture rattled. My survival instinct begged me to jump out the window.
"PLEASE HAVE MERCY! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! HUMANITY NEEDS ME—!"
(Probably my funeral music playing faintly in the background.)
I was slumped over my desk like a tragic anime protagonist, my face buried in my arms, radiating shame like a space heater on max.
Enter Sam, my ever-so-sympathetic best friend, who slid into his seat with the grace of a man who lives for other people's suffering.
He leaned closer, inspected my cheek, and whistled. "Bro, what happened? You look like a tomato that just found out it's adopted."
I groaned. "It's nothing. We had a fight. She slapped me."
Sam lit up like I just told him Santa was real and dating a supermodel. "Dude... that's the dream! A hot wife who slaps you when you mess up? That's peak romance! Pain with passion! A beautiful, abusive blessing!"
I stared at him. "What kind of rom-coms are you watching?"
Inner Me:Dream my ass. I accidentally grabbed her dragon melons in my sleep. That wasn't a slap, it was a divine judgment. I swear my ancestors felt that hit.
My cheek still throbbed from Erza's righteous fury.
Sam kicked back in his chair. "Anyway, did you notice something off today?"
I blinked. "Other than my face being rearranged? No."
He pointed subtly at the front-row seat. "Fiona's not here."
I looked. He was right.
No books. No sarcasm. No snarky one-liner like, 'Wow, Yuuta, your face finally matches your marriage choices.'
And that... was weird.
"Fiona doesn't skip," I muttered. "She's punctual. Like, 'show up ten minutes early and glare at people who don't' punctual."
Sam nodded, suddenly serious. "Something's off."
Yesterday flashed back in my mind—Fiona, trembling, eyes red, running off like I'd grown a second head.
"Wait..." I whispered, ice dropping into my gut. "Did Erza... do
No way it make sense now, why she afraid yesterday that's explain why she ran away from me.
"Looks like I'll have to go see Fiona by myself," I said, lifting my head
Sam, lounging on my beanbag like it owed him rent, raised an eyebrow. "Dude. Take protection."
I paused. "Protection? What are we doing, fighting goblins? She's Fiona, not a cursed sword."
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you dumb or just pretending?
Ohhh you mean that I said.
Sam smirked. "Bro. She used to be your crush. You're going to her place alone. Who knows? She might still like you. One thing leads to another, next thing you know, boom—scandal."
I scoffed. "You do realize I'm married, right? Like, legally, spiritually, magically—possibly cosmically married. And Fiona's just a friend."
Inner Me: LIES. PANIC. ABORT MISSION.
No way. I can't cheat. That would be suicide—literal end-of-humanity-level stuff.
Last Easter, Fiona gave me a sweet little chocolate egg. Harmless, right?
Erza saw it. Thought it was some kind of affair offering. She beat me like I'd just signed a peace treaty with her enemies.
If she even suspects I'm cheating, forget death. We're talking extinction-level apocalypse.
Sam squinted at me. "You good, man? You're staring into space like you're solving quantum physics."
I blinked. "Nothing. Just... have you noticed Fiona's been acting kinda weird lately?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah, ever since you dropped the 'I'm married' bomb, she's been off. I mean, I was shocked too, but in Fiona's case... I think she was expecting a ring, not an Erza."
That guilt hit me right in the conscience.
She really was hoping for more... and I blindsided her with a secret wife from another world.
"I'll apologize," I said softly. "I'll go talk to her today."
Even if the conversation goes badly...
Hope so Fiona will understand.!
Extra scence for loyal reader
"Papa... the other novels are getting Power Stones and Collections... I want some too..."
Yuuta: (patting her head awkwardly)
"Elena, it's not something we can just take. It depends on the readers..."
Elena: (eyes sparkling, tail wagging)
"But they like me, right? They'll do it! They'll click the Collection button! They'll throw Power Stones like confetti!"
Yuuta: (turns to you with the deadpan face of a man who knows fear)
"Dear readers... please. I'm begging you. Add us to your Collection. Throw a Power Stone our way. I don't want to explain to Erza why our daughter's crying again."
Erza: (pokes her head in from the kitchen)
"Did someone say crying? Who made my child sad?"
Yuuta: "N-no one! Just the algorithm, my Queen! Just the cruel, cruel algorithm!"
Elena: (holding a sign with sparkles and baby dragon scribbles)
"Vote now! Or I'll huff and I'll puff... and maybe cry again!"