CHAPTER 46
Amar's POV
"I don't think coming here today is the right thing to do'', Daisy had told me and I agreed with her.
Nina was still angry at me. I had never seen her that way. Then, I decided that dragging words with her would lead us nowhere as I found my way to her room. I prayed within me she won't go all violent on me for intruding in her privacy.
She was sitting on her bed, typing aggressively on the laptop. I could see she was boiling in rage and I didn't know how best to calm her down so things won't turn out bad between us again. I was ready to beg, if possible to make things work.
I can't just come all the way from China for nothing. I can't go back without putting a smile on Nina's face. I can't go back without having my woman back, I said to myself.
"Nina", I called as I rushed to her and knelt down beside the bed. She was about to shout at me when she saw me kneeling down. Then she kept mute and stared at me angrily.
"Forgive me." I pleaded. She looked away. "I promise to make things right. That's why I'm here anyway. My life is empty without you."
"Empty?" She snorted. "After so many years? Why do you have to come here now Amar?"
I didn't know what else to say and I looked down with guilt. It was obvious I hurt her without knowing.
"You ruined a beautiful moment, Amar", she cried. "Danny proposed to me, that was something you never did. Why did you have to come when he was proposing to me to marry him?"
I couldn't believe my ears.
Is this why she is this mad at me? I asked myself. I never knew Nina could be that mad at me.
I stood up. Her words hurt me but I didn't show it. When she saw me standing up, she stared at me. "So this is what it is all about?"
"What?" She barked.
"The proposal", I replied. "You are mad at me because that law clerk proposed to you?"
"He is not a law clerk. At least he is better than you...."
"He is better than me just because he proposed?" I interrupted and she kept mute. I could see her anger had subsided and she looked away from me, folding her arms around her bosom. I was trying so hard to control my tears and anger. I was hurting. I was about to turn back to go so I won't end up crying in her presence when an idea struck me.
"You want a proposal?" I asked as I walked to the door. "You'll get one", I finished and went out.
****
Nina's POV
I didn't know how I felt the moment he stepped out of my room. I know it was a relief. I felt it was more of a disappointment.
It is obvious Amar isn't much of a fighter. He didn't fight for me years ago so I shouldn't expect he is going to do that now, I thought to myself.
I saw the look of sincerity on his face and that dissolved my anger but my mind wasn't made up. I was stuck in between two men. They both loved me. They both deserved me. But the question I keep asking myself is who I deserved to be with?
Danny was a great guy. Amar was lovely. I was confused and indecisive. As much as I tried to think of the whole thing, I couldn't stick to a particular decision. It was disturbing my state of mind. Even though Danny and I fought, I still missed him. I didn't expect him to take the issue of having kids so seriously. But I really didn't want to go back on my words. I didn't want any kid. I feel too old for such a task.
I sighed and closed my laptop. I kept it on the bedside table and laid my back on the bed, with my hand beneath my head. I thought of sleeping without dinner but I couldn't. I kept tossing in bed, until half an hour after Amar left, when I began to doze off.
The sound of my door opening jerked me up from my dreamland. When I stood up from the bed, I saw Amar kneeling down. I didn't understand what he was doing at first. I thought he changed his mind and came back to beg.
He knelt down the same way he did before he left, so I turned back to sit on the bed when his words stopped me.
"Nina, will you marry me?"
I thought I heard wrong until I faced him. He was with a diamond ring that was shining in the dim light of my room. I couldn't answer, I was numb.
"I know this is coming too late but I feel this is the right time to do this. I feel this is the right thing to do to show you how serious I am, and how much I love you. Please forgive me and marry me." He pleaded.
I blinked. I blinked again. Then I touched my face, just to be sure I wasn't still sleeping and dreaming. I pinched my arm. But Amar was still in front of me, waiting for a reply with a ring.
I wanted to laugh at his foolishness. Proposing to me in the dead of the night, after 26years and having a 25 years old son? I didn't even know how I was feeling at that moment. Whether I was feeling the urge to cry, shout at him, vent my anger on him, slap him or I was happy he finally proposed.
That was something I have always dreamt of all my life. But I felt it wasn't right.
I can't just accept him, I told myself. Danny also proposed. Amar isn't doing the right thing.
"Nina", he called me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I realized he was still on his knees.
"What do you say? Will you marry me?" He asked again.
"No", I answered sharply. "I won't marry you."
I saw a flash of hurt, regrets, and sadness but I looked away. I felt that was the right decision. Accepting him would mean betraying Danny.
He stood up and I turned back to face him with hands akimbo. "If you'll excuse me."
"So I came all the way from China to America for nothing, Nina?" He cried.
I saw his tears and my heart melted. I couldn't believe I was making Amar of all people cry. I was supposed to be his source of happiness, not sadness.
"I came all the way from China for this rejection, Nina? Is my sin too much for you to forgive me? What else do you want me to do? What other proof do you want me to present to you, Nina?" He shouted.
I couldn't find my tongue. All I felt at that moment was guilty. Guilt for making the father of my son cry. He staggered on his way to the door. I guessed he was blinded by the tears streaming down his face. The tears that were breaking my heart, like never before.... shattered my heart into pieces.
Amar doesn't deserve this, I told myself as I watched him walk to the door.
I never knew Amar could be that helpless and vulnerable and I felt responsible for it. I never knew he came from China just to work things out between us like he claimed the first time I asked him what he was doing in my house. I thought he was in America for business sake and decided to check up on me. Knowing he came for me made me glad.
Though, I couldn't deny the fact that he was late. Too late.
'What do I do?' I asked myself. How do I get to accept one of these two men without hurting the other?'
"Amar '', I stammered and he stopped, without turning back.
"I'm sorry", I burst into tears before I knew it.
I hid my face in my palms and I cried out my heart. I didn't know if it was my indecisiveness that made me cry or the fact that I was letting go of another opportunity of having Amar to myself forever. I had always anticipated that day to come but I didn't expect it to be that way...I was in a relationship...a complicated relationship.
I didn't see him turn back nor did I see him move close to me. I only felt his breath on me and I raised my head.
"I'm sorry", I said again, seeing his tear-stricken face. I wanted to apologize again when he crashed his lips to mine.
I didn't expect that. But I was glad he did. He moved his lips on mine, forcing me to open up to him as he pushed his tongue in to explore every corner of my mouth. Before I knew it, we landed on the bed and the next minute, our clothes were off. He took me with urgency as we made love, just the way we did on the night he pumped the seed of Damien into me.