CHAPTER 38
"I can't help but blame myself. I was out partying when my baby was feeling unwell. What sort of a mother does that?" I asked Nina.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. Nadia and I are taking good care of her. And you are still young. You don't need to let her deprive you of the joy of being a teenager..........."
"And a mother. I am a mother, Nina. She needs me."
She touched my shoulders again and her hand felt warm against my silky dress. She was glowing these days and I guess I was meant to help her devise a way to be happy, whereas I was angry, devastated, and frustrated at just 20.
"You don't get my point. You are Ellah's mother and nobody is disputing that fact but she is our baby too, Nadia and I. She is Nadia's goddaughter and she is my granddaughter. Stop blaming yourself too much. I believe this was destined to happen'', she finished and rested her back on the seat.
"Destiny?"I asked back and she nodded. I was ready to argue with her over that when I remembered what I said to Stanley about destiny, three days before. Then I sighed and resigned to fate.
"I know you are mad at Sidney, that's why you are this worked up", Nina noted. At the mention of his name, my anger was back.
"What sort of a stupid boyfriend does that? No calls to ask if I got home well and if my baby is fine? I'm more than mad at him, mom. Sidney and I are done."
"Come on", she sat upright. "Don't be so judgemental. Maybe something happened to him too that's why he hasn't called." Mom tried to defend him.
"Mom, It is quite clear that Sidney doesn't like and doesn't want to accept Ellah. Don't you know that?"
"You didn't inform him beforehand, Daisy. This was bound to have happened."
"Why are you taking his side? Sidney is not worth it", I whispered when I saw Ellah turning in her sleep.
Nina smiled. "I'm not taking his side. I just don't want you to end up like me."
"Like you? Of course, that's what I want. You have everything."
"Everything? Is it possible to have everything?" She scoffed. "You really want to start dating at 40? Is that what you want?"
"I don't need to go into any relationship that will complicate my life, again. I don't need it", I replied stubbornly.
"Of course you do need it. You need a man. You are 20 for crying out loud."
"Mom, that's the least of my problems."
"What then is your problem?" I could see a flash of anger on her face. That was the first time In 4 years that Nina would be mad at me. I didn't reply but looked down at Ellah. "You can be so childish sometimes."
I didn't reply. "Richard, please take me to Sidney's place after we get home. Hope you know there?"
"Yes, I do", he answered.
"You are going there to break up with him for real?" She was with a bewildered look.
"I wasn't joking when I said I would. I don't need him anymore. My child is my priority and I ain't trading her for anything in the world, not someone as useless as Sidney anyway."
Nina's mouth was agape. She couldn't believe what I was saying and I could see she was hurt. She closed her mouth back and stretched her arms out. "Give me my baby."
We were in the compound and I handed Ellah to her. She alighted with Ellah and without uttering a word, she closed the car door and walked inside the house. I sighed heavily as Richard reversed back and took to the street once again.
I knew I was doing the right thing. Nina was supposed to support me but instead, she was angry with me. I couldn't blame her because I knew she was looking out for me like always. She didn't want me to be like her, a single mother at 40 who just began to give dating a serious thought. That was what she claimed to be but that was the exact thing I wanted. I wanted to be like her. Be a great writer someday so I can send my baby off to college too.
Just then, I can start thinking of dating or probably live the rest of my life abstaining. At that moment, I was fed up with everything and was not ready to accommodate any more complications in my life. Well, I consider relationships as complications.
I was so lost in thought and I didn't even know when Richard pulled up beside Sidney's car.
"We are here, Daisy."
I had told him not to refer to me as Madam. I got down from the car and walked to the door. I was walking slowly as I tried to compose myself and reconstruct what I would say to Sidney when I see him.
I was hoping I won't stutter because my mind was made up already. I was about to knock on the door when I retrieved my hands back. My hands were trembling.
I was nervous. My eyes met with Richard and he nodded lightly with a smile. I smiled back and finally knocked lightly on the door. There was no response at first but after a few seconds, there came a response. And the response was a moan.
My heart began to beat wildly and I quickly opened the door to enter. The moans were louder but I didn't see anyone until I turned back and saw the bitch at the party on the table with Sidney in between her legs. No wonder she looked at me that way, I thought. Her eyes were closed and her mouths were open, producing loud moans which I found irritating. I wished I went there with a gun so I could shoot Sidney's brain out. He was cheating on me all along.
I couldn't take in the sight anymore and I applaud them. Sidney pulled away from her and quickly wore his shorts as he cursed with a guilty look on his face.
"I love porn, you know?" I said. "You two should continue."
"Daisy, I can explain."
"I know you can but I'm not interested in your explanation. You've been cheating on me with this bitch all along'', I pointed at her as I yelled. She was sitting confidently on the table without attempting to wear her clothes.
"No."
"No what? You are cruel. You didn't bother to ask about my baby and myself, Sidney and you call this love?"
"I love you, Daisy. I can explain."
"To hell with your explanations, Sidney", I dropped my hands. "If our paths ever cross again, Sidney, I swear to God I won't hesitate to blow your fucking brains out, you son of a bitch."
"No, Daisy", he said and moved closer. I slapped him. The lady scoffed and I was tempted to scratch her face but I refrained myself. Sidney wasn't worth fighting for.
"Sidney, you know how calm I am, don't take my words for a joke because from now henceforth, I'm going to start walking with a gun", I moved to the door.
"So it was about sex all along?" I turned back to look at him. He was quiet.
"I regret knowing you. I am done with you", I walked out and slammed the door shut. Before I could walk to the car, tears were streaming down my eyes already.