Six months later...
"WE'RE hanging out at Joe's bar later. Do you want to come with us, Bianca?"
I pursed my lips at Devi. "I'm sorry, Devi. I'm going to Portland after work."
Devi smiled. "It's okay, Bianca. Next time, then?"
"Yeah. Next time." I returned her smile.
I've been back here in New York now for almost six months. I was able to get back my old post in NYPL when the woman who replaced me before resigned from her job.
After I got off from work, I drove my car to Portland.
I was now living alone in an apartment in Manhattan, but once a month I go to Portland and stay at my parents' house for the weekend.
Yes. I live alone for six months now. Gideon and I were already divorced. After our divorce was finalized, he left the country. Since then, we haven't seen each other again.
"Hi, Mom and Dad," I whispered as I placed the bouquet of flowers on my parents' tombstone.
I let out a small smile as I remembered a certain memory. The last time Gideon and I talked, we were here, in front of my parents' graveyard.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Hargreeves," Gideon whispered while kneeling in front of my parents' tombstone.
"I'm sorry for everything I've done to your daughter. I'm sorry for hurting her. I'm sorry for making her cry… I'm sorry for coming into her life."
I bit my lower back and looked at the sky to stop my tears from falling. I told myself that I won't cry today. But I guessed, no matter how many times I've told myself that I've already accepted this, I still couldn't.
I was still hoping for the possibility of us.
"Gideon..." I muttered when he finally stood up and faced me. There were traces of tears in his eyes.
"You don't have to do this." I looked at him with pleading eyes. "I'm in love with you… I've already forgiven you for everything that happened in the past. You've said before that we need to start right, haven't you? Our divorce was finally granted." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "We could start again now. As boyfriends and girlfriends. Or we could start from scratch. Whichever you like."
Tears were starting to form in the corner of my eyes. "Just… just don't leave, Gideon. Just don't leave me."
Gideon cupped my face and gently caressed my cheek. "You know that I love you, right?" His eyes pierced through my soul. "I'm so in love with you, Bianca. But I need to do this. I need to leave. We need to heal from the past."
"But I've already forgiven you, Gideon." My hand touched the back of his hand on my cheek. "You don't have to go... You don't have to leave me."
"You have forgiven me… but I haven't forgiven myself, Bianca." His lips formed a sad smile. "And I don't think I can forgive myself anytime soon."
His eyes lingered on my face.
"You deserve the best kind of love, Bianca," he said softly. "And I couldn't give that to you when I couldn't even forgive myself. I couldn't give you my whole heart if I'll continue to live on guilt."
"I… understand." I slowly nodded as tears finally left my eyes. "But do you really have to go away? Do you really have to leave the country? You can just go back to LA… while I could stay here in New York. You don't have to leave your life here, Gideon."
He gently wiped away my tears using his fingers. I wanted to close my eyes and hold on to his every touch.
"I needed to find myself again, Bianca. I wanted to start anew. I wanted to repent for the things I've done in the past. We knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I stayed as Gideon Henry. I needed to live my life without the help of my surname."
My heart was hurting... but I managed to give him a nod.
"If that's… what you think is the best thing to do," I whispered, my tears starting to choke my throat. "I'll support you, Gideon. I'll let you go." I reached for his jaw. My hand stayed there. Feeling his skin on mine for the last time before he left.
"Just know that I'll wait for you. I'll stay here and wait for you, Gideon."
My eyes zeroed in on the wedding ring on my finger. That ring would stay on me. Until he comes back.
Gideon's lips parted. "No, sweetheart. You don't have to wait for me." His voice was full of gentleness. He smiled at me. He smiled despite the pain I saw in his eyes.
"You deserve happiness, Bianca. And you're free to seek it from someone else. You don't have to stay in love with me." He swallowed hard. "You don't have an obligation to wait for me."
"I'm in love with you, Gideon!" I insisted, raising my voice a bit higher. "You don't have a say whether I wanted to wait for you or not. And I'll wait for you. Just promise me you'll come back. Promise me you'll come back to me. That's all I want. "
Gideon stared at me... His eyes roamed around my face as if trying to memorize every corner of it.
"I'm so in love with you, Bianca. And I'll be back, I promise. I'll come back for you, sweetheart. That's a promise."
I slowly wiped the tears that escaped my eyes. It had been six months since Gideon left the country but he still hadn't come back.
The last thing I heard from Amelia, Gideon had been doing missionary work in Kenya.
I closed my eyes as I let the cold air brush my skin. It was already the start of fall here in New York.
"I missed you, Gideon. So much. Please, come back to me now," I whispered in the air. I caressed the wedding ring on my finger. Even after our divorce, I never took it off. It was a reminder of my promise to him. That I'll wait. That I'll wait for his comeback.
I missed him every day for the past six months. And every night, I prayed to see him again. I prayed that when I woke up in the morning, he was already there beside me.
"You said, you'll come back, right?" I muttered, tears filling my eyes. "It's been half a year now. Please, come back to me now. I'm missing you so much."
I didn't know how long my eyes were closed before I opened them again.
But I felt like my entire system stopped when I opened my eyes... and saw a familiar face standing a few meters away from me.
Wearing a brown coat and boots, with his long hair swaying by the wind, and a familiar smile on his handsome face... Gideon Henry, my ex-husband, started walking towards me.