"THIS is nothing, Bianca," Gideon answered. His jaw clenched while trying to look away from me.
I blinked as I continued to examine the small bruise on his face.
"Did you get into a fight?"
"I was drunk last night."
My lips parted. I found him at the bar tonight. Was he drinking for the past four days?
I looked around at the apartment he was staying in. It was only a couple of blocks away from the bar.
It was too small compared to his own room at home. What was he doing here?
"Have you been drinking?"
I examined him. Aside from that bruise, he looked like he hadn't shaved since the last time I saw him.
He didn't answer my question. He just sighed. "What are you doing here?"
I swallowed and stood up from the couch. "Everyone is looking for you. We're all worried."
He took a step away from me. A sad smile appeared on his face.
"What else did I do to you? Tell me the truth, Bianca. The baby you lost. Was that mine or Charlie's?"
I covered my mouth with my hand. "G-gideon…"
"Just please tell me the truth," his blue eyes pleading with me.
"It was Charlie's," I said, tears stinging my eyes. "But we're the only ones who knew about it. Not your parents. Not Charlie."
His mouth dropped open. His eyes bloodshed with tears. "But why…" He said, crying. "Why didn't you tell Charlie the truth? He deserves it, Bianca!"
"Because you forbid me from telling him the truth. You threatened me, Gideon. You threatened to hurt me if I told anyone the truth." I bit my lower lip.
"After the accident, I contemplated telling Charlie. But I decided not to. Because I don't want to hurt him. I had already hurt him enough."
"Fuck!" Gideon's voice thundered around the small room. His voice broke. His eyes filled with tears.
"I… thought I already knew everything. But this is nothing compared to this. Charlie is right…. I ruined your life, Bianca."
He dropped his knees to the ground. His hand was on his head.
"Fuck! I ruined your family, Bianca. I sent your father to jail. I broke your relationship with Charlie. I even killed your child."
I went to him and kneeled. "No. Don't say that…" I touched his arm. "You didn't kill my child, Gideon. It was an accident. No one… no one wants it."
Gideon looked at me. His eyes were full of pain. He looked so broken.
"But it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have an accident. If not for me, you wouldn't have left New York. If not for me, you're already married to Charlie. You were already happy with your family."
I shut my eyes. "But fate didn't want that to happen. It's all in the past, Gideon." I said softly. "Gideon, that's already in the past. I have already forgiven you." I caressed his strained arms.
"Tell me, Bianca. How did you manage to forgive me? How did you manage to continue living with a man who ruined your relationship? How did you manage to take care of me? How did you not wish for my death?"
"I hated you but I never wish you ill."
"How did you manage to fall in love with me?" His question came out in a whisper.
I managed to give a smile despite the tears in my eyes. "I didn't know, Gideon. I wish I knew. I just woke up one day, I realized I'm already in love with you. Maybe it was the way you take care of me. The way you love me. The way you showed your love."
He slowly reached for my face. "You're too precious, Bianca. I don't deserve you. You should be with Charlie, Bianca."
"But I don't love him anymore. I won't be happy with him, Gideon." I looked him in the eyes. "It was you who I love now. And I don't think… I don't think what I've felt for Charlie is something I could compare to what I feel for you."
I was able to manage losing Charlie. I was able to sacrifice my relationship with Charlie for my father.
But this time… I don't think I can manage to lose Gideon.
Only days without knowing he was enough to send me crazy.
I can't lose him.
"But you loved him before, Bianca. Your feelings for him can go back again. Charlie deserves to be happy."
"Yeah. Charlie deserves to be happy. But not with me. He deserves someone better than me."
Gideon shook his head. "You don't deserve me, Bianca. All I did was hurt you." Slowly, he tried to wipe the tears from my face. "All I did was make you cry."
I shook my head. "That's not true, Gideon. You've hurt me, yes. You've been a devil to me. But you've also been
… my angel. You took care of me the past months we were together. You care for me. You comfort me. You made me feel important. You showed me love. You made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world."
Gideon bowed his head. "I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself, Bianca."
"Everyone deserves forgiveness, Gideon." I reached for his hand and held on to it.
He slowly looked at me. "You're so kind, Bianca. You don't deserve someone like me."
I shook my head and let out a small smile. "No, Gideon. I'm not. I lied, remember? I hurt people. I'm not kind. I'm selfish… I'm so selfish that even though I'm hurting Charlie, I still want to be with you."
"I'm sorry, Bianca. Let's file for a divorce."
I felt like my heart shattered a thousand times.
My lips quivered. "But… you love me, Gideon. You love me, right?"
"I do. God knows how much I love you, Bianca. But this… this is the right thing to do."
He smiled. A sad one. "You're not mine, to begin with."
"But I'm already yours. And I wanted to stay yours…"
He gently caressed my cheek, brushing away the tears there.
"If we want to continue this… we need to start right…"