They hit the ground like garbage falling off a truck. The explosion echoed behind them, rippling through the fog and into the eerie silence of the ravine.
Finn lay facedown—directly into Majestria’s boob—his entire body absorbing the brunt of the landing. The elf crashed not far from them, wheezing like she’d just run a half-marathon in stilettos.
All three of them coughed and panted, completely drained from the run, the bridge, and the whisper-induced mental collapse.
Behind them, the bridge was gone—swallowed by the mist, vanished like it never existed.
Celemothy the chicken screeched into Finn’s ear one last time before flapping off dramatically into the fog, disappearing like a greasy guardian angel.
Finn, still gasping, slowly became aware of two things:
Two, His head was still resting in a place softer than heaven.
’I deserve this...’ he thought blissfully, cheek mashed against Majestria’s boob.
Then his hand twitched—and panic kicked in.
He turned his head just slightly, scanning the grass. There it was—not far, sitting safely in the dirt. He let out a long, relieved sigh.
"What are you doing?!" Majestria barked, looking down in horror at Finn’s content expression, face still nestled against her left breast.
"...Relaxing," he muttered.
"G-Get off!" she shrieked, shoving his head off with enough force to make it bounce against the ground.
A page turned. Somewhere nearby.
Finn blinked. "What the hell was that?"
He raised his head—and immediately regretted it.
A troll sat calmly on a bench, legs crossed, reading glasses perched on its wart-riddled nose, a thick leather-bound book in its lap. It flipped another page, then closed the book with gentle care and placed it beside him.
Then it looked at them.
Its arms clasped, body leaning forward with academic curiosity. A slow smile crept across its deformed face.
’Ew... another goblin? No... this one’s worse. This one reads.’
The troll gave a courteous nod. "Hello there."
Then it continued, voice calm and disturbingly polite: "It seems you three have finally reached the end of the bridge. Now... you must each confess something you hate about yourselves."
"You’ve gotta be kidding me. More confession crap?"
The troll giggled softly. "Yes. Indeed."
Majestria dusted herself off and began inspecting her divine assets. The elf stood up shakily, regaining her balance. Finn remained on one knee, glaring at the troll like it owed him child support.
"What is it with you bridge freaks and confessing? You’re not my priest. You’re not my therapist. You’re not even good looking." Finn said.
The troll raised a finger, preparing to respond—
"No," Finn cut in, standing slowly. "You miserable, fungus-sniffing, swamp-ass-smelling, cave-dwelling, bone-gnawing, rat-piss-guzzling little gremlin!"
The girls stared at him, stunned.
"I’m a troll, and I—"
"Like that makes it better?! You don’t even have a face a mother could pretend to love! You filthy, nasty, crust-lipped, hook-nosed, tooth-twisted—"
Majestria’s fist slammed into his gut.
Finn crumpled to a knee, wheezing.
"Sorry about that," Majestria said with a sheepish laugh. "He gets sometimes."
The elf held onto Finn, half-sympathetic and half-trying to shut him up before he summoned another boss fight.
The troll’s lip quivered. It looked like it might cry.
But then it sniffled, wiped its eye with the back of its gnarly hand, and straightened up.
"I will not let a man like you sour my mood," it said with wounded dignity.
Finn rolled his eyes. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, booger-lord."
The troll turned, ignoring him, and pointed at the elf. "You... what is something you hate about yourself?"
The elf blinked and pointed to herself. "Me?"
The troll smiled sweetly. "Yes, you, sweetie."
She looked up, thoughtful. "Something I hate about myself..." she mumbled, then looked at the troll, expression oddly serious.
"I hate how I have all these looks, yet no one wants to do it with me."
Her arms subtly tightened around Finn’s as she said it, her voice disturbingly calm.
The troll let out a satisfied hum. "Hmm. Honest. Brave."
Then it turned to Majestria. "And you, lady. What do you hate about yourself?"
Majestria sniffed, chin lifted. "I hate how majestic I am... and that no one in this stupid world is bowing and worshipping me like they should be."
There was a beat of silence.
"I see..." the troll said gently. "I believe you’ll find someone who appreciates you just right, sweetheart."
Majestria recoiled like she’d just stepped in chicken poop. "Yeah, no. And don’t call me sweetheart either."
"Sorry..." the troll mumbled, then turned to Finn.
Its smile faded into something heavier. Disappointed.
"And you... what do you hate about yourself?"
Before Finn could speak, the elf suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth.
But Finn yanked it off and barked, "Like I’d tell you anything, aborted fetus."
The troll exhaled slowly through its nose. "It seems... you must really hate your—"
"Yeah, yeah. You and your deep life-coach life Talk crap," Finn cut in. "Why don’t you take that long-ass nose and shove it up your moldy ass."
Majestria raised her hand to strike again.
The elf quickly clamped her hand back over Finn’s mouth. "Let it be," she said firmly. "If he doesn’t want to share, then that’s his choice."
Majestria reluctantly lowered her fist. The elf lowered her hand.
Finn dusted himself off and stood up, still glaring at the troll like it owed him a refund for a bad anime.
In truth, Finn didn’t even fully understand why trolls pissed him off so much. Maybe it was their weird smiles. Maybe it was their faces that looked like a napkin full of snot. Or maybe it was because he once binge-watched Goblin Killer in one sitting and now couldn’t look at anything green without getting irrationally angry.
He stomped over to the box, picked it up, and muttered under his breath.
The troll gave a solemn nod. "You may all pass."
Then, as if nothing had happened, it picked up its book and started reading again.
"Good," Finn grunted, already walking off into the forest.
Majestria and the elf stayed behind for a moment, giving polite bows.
"Thank you for your wisdom," Majestria said through mildly gritted teeth.
"Bye, mister troll," the elf added, skipping after Finn.