I picked at my nails in annoyance. I was frustrated with myself. Why was I going off and on like that? I wasn't a kid, I should not be throwing tantrums unnecessarily. Now because of my unexplainable tantrums, I completely embarrassed myself in front of strangers.. talk about first impression matters. Not like it was my first time meeting Joseph, but that was also a terrible first impression. I groaned.
"We are almost there sweetie..." Mom said turning back in her seat to face me, a sweet smile plastered on her face. I forced a small smile in her direction.
I turned away from her and faced the window, trying to get rid of the embarrassing memories that were suffocating me. Why did I have to shout at him like that? And why did I mention Debbie? I almost groan out loud. But the van stopped. Plucking my ear phones out to Know what was happening, I see we were not close to the picnic ground.
"Why did we stop?" Gabby asked looking directly at Dad.
"I don't know honey, I'll go find out, I'm sure it's because it hasn't been used in a while.." Dad answered her distractedly as he goes out of the van.
"I'm sure it's nothing!! We'll be back on the road before we even know it!" Mom clapped with too much excitement.
"I don't think I can handle it, we'll have to call the mechanic. There is no one for miles." Dad said looking distraught.
He produced his phone and walked a distance from the car before placing the phone on his ear. I huffed, by now everyone should know that this picnic was a terrible idea.
"Alright!! Who wants to play some car games?!" Mom asked more like demanded from Gabby and I, I knew the look in her eyes, it meant, 'you better follow my orders' to us, but to others, she probably looked like a loving mother giving her kids a loving look.
I rolled my eyes.
"Names of our favorite things?" Mom asked when no one volunteered.
"Uhm, we don't know that game..." Lucy said looking sad.
"It's fine, I'll teach you guys, it's pretty simple. You just name someone and say something they like.." mom explained it slowly.
Lucy nodded.
"For instance, Gabby likes eggs, I've said mine, and it goes around in turns.. till it gets to someone who doesn't know anything anymore.. he or she loses.."
Lucy clapped excitedly, Gabby looked like me, bored because we played this game thousands of times. Joseph.. well he looked ready to flee from the van.
"It's such a great way to get to know each other!!" Lucy clapped excitedly.
"Yesss! I love your spirit!! Gabby it's your turn."
"Mom, hibiscus flowers." Gabby said dryly.
"Carrie go!" Mom barked at me.
I sighed, "Gabby, spaghetti."
"Joseph?" Mom asked kindly.
I felt so loved then, see the difference between how she treated her own kid, and her neighbor.
"Uhm, Lucy, candles."
Everyone blinked at Lucy, she blushed.
"Joseph, flowers." Lucy said smirking at Joseph.
I openly gawked at him, I didn't take him to like flowers, or like anything at all, that isn't Debbie. I got annoyed at the thought of her.
"Ok my turn again, Carrie, libraries."
"Obviously" Gabby murmured under her breath. Joseph's eyes flickered to my direction for a brief second, sending my heart beat in a frenzy.
"Yippie my turn. Dad, mom."
Mom literally melted when Gabby said that.
"Mom, Me." I say not willing to think about it.
"Lucy, high school students." Joseph said absentmindedly.
"Mom, Joseph." Lucy said looking at Joseph and smiling warmly. He looked stunned for a second before looking away. Making everyone awkward for a few seconds.
"Looks like I failed, let's play something else." The awkwardness in mom's voice when she said that was probably the most cringe thing I have ever heard.
"The mechanic is here, we'll soon be leaving." Dad announced getting into the car. He looked pleased, as if he knew he just saved all of us.
Soon the van was in the road again, the problem had been minor. Thankfully, I would hate to sit through another one of those games.
Two songs from my play list later, we had gotten to our destination. We had come here dozens of times, with my family, sometimes Andrina and Sophie came along. The place was pure nature, the grass was soft carpet grass that barely grazed my ankle. It was also close to a fresh water lake, that was clear and clean. Any time I came here I felt free, with the wind blowing in my hair, soft grass in between my toes, and the blue sky to gaze upon was like stepping into a new dimension.
We set up the picnic mats, we had a really huge one and one normal sized one on the side, just in case.
"This is beautiful." Lucy said looking really impressed.
Dad chuckled, "you haven't even seen the best part."
"Is this whole thing yours Mr Anderson?" She asked rather bravely. Joseph looked startled at her boldness.
"Not entirely, I could say half is mine.." Dad said honestly. He wasn't really a bragger, he spoke modestly.
Lucy smiled brightly, "cool."
That was all she said, before mom started to dish out the food to us. I took my cheese burger and ate in silence, not wanting to ask what was running through my mind, why wasn't he with Debbie at this moment?
"Excuse me sir, can I find the men's room?" Joseph murmured.
"Let Carrie take you, hey Carrie please show him the bathroom for me?"
I blinked twice, before dropping my burger down. Taking the lead, I let him follow quietly behind me.
"So uhm, you still want the tour?" I asked nervously. Because my heart was beating so fast it almost came out from my mouth.
He totally ignored me, and went into the bathroom. I huffed, as if I wanted to talk to him. Two minutes later, he was out, his face twisted in a permanent frown. Almost permanent frown..
"You moved here from where?" I asked again, hating the silence, hating how he made me feel, hating my heart rate increasing because of him.
"I'm not looking for friends, stop trying." He gritted through his teeth. I stopped dead in my tracks, while he continued walking.
I couldn't breathe...it hurt too much to breathe.. what he said hurt too much.. I felt my eyes leaking, I touched them, and found my fingers wet with tears.
"Why Are you crying?" I asked myself out loud.
Getting no response, I sat by the foot of the tree, burying my head in between my knees, wondering what exactly was making me cry..
"Are...are you crying?" I heard a familiar voice ask.
How do I tell him that I was crying because of him?