[Nivera’s POV]
“What did you just say?” I asked in shock after Celeste broke the news to me.
“You heard me, child. You’re pregnant. I wasn’t too sure before, but I have confirmed it after feeling your pulse,” she explained, flashing me a sympathetic look.
I shook my head slowly. “No, that can’t be true. Lucien can’t get me pregnant… and… and if I am truly pregnant,… it means…” my voice broke as tears flowed down my eyes in torrents.
I had always envisioned getting pregnant and spending forever with the man I loved. Together, we would have a perfectly happy family life, and never in my life had I once wished for it to play out this way. I couldn’t be pregnant.. not like this, just not this way.
“Does… does Lucien know about this?” I asked.
The expression on her face told me he already knew, even before she said the words: “Yes, he knows.”
I swallowed hard and buried my face in my hands, sobbing really hard. “No wonder he has been acting strange and being all distant from me in the last couple of days,” I said, wondering how badly he must be feeling. All I had ever done in this life was cause problems for him, and now, I had hurt him in the most unimaginable way.
I wanted time to stop. I couldn’t live in denial forever and I would have to embrace the truth someday, but just for a moment, I didn’t want to face reality.
“Lucien must hate me,” I voiced out, looking up and biting my lips so hard as if that was enough to suppress the tears from rolling down even harder, or to stop the pain my beating heart felt.
“Trust me, he does not. He has always loved you and he always will. This pregnancy is just another roadblock in your love story, and just like other things you’ve been able to overcome, you’ll be able to overcome this one and your love would be way stronger than it ever was,” Celeste assured me.
I shook my head in disbelief. “Not this time around, Celeste. In months from now, I’ll have a child, and even if he chooses to let me stay here and live under the same roof with him, the child is going to be a constant reminder of my betrayal…”
“You didn’t betray him. None of these is your fault…”
I cut her off. “No, all of these is my fault. If I had never chosen to return with the Alpha King and allowed myself to be fooled by him, as well as refused to sleep with him, all these would never have happened. The Alpha marked me, and every time we make love, Lucien sees it. I know it hurts him, but he ignores it like he always does. However, how could he ever possibly ignore a living nightmare? Even if he does, I’ll be evil to allow it because I would just be taking advantage of his love for me,” I said to her.
She nodded her head, agreeing with what I had said. “Good, I’m glad we are all on the same page,” Celeste stated.
I was quite confused. “What do you mean by that?” I inquired.
“What I mean is that we have all agreed that this pregnancy isn’t good news and since no one wants the child, it’s better we get rid of it,” she said.
“Get rid of it? What are you talking about? And is that even possible?” I inquired.
“Yes, it is. You wouldn’t know because you’re from the werewolf world, but the baby in your womb can be removed here. As a matter of fact, I know a doctor who is very skilled in that aspect,” she informed me.
I thought about it for a moment, then placed a hand on my stomach, trying to figure out what to do. “But… but this is my only shot at becoming a mother,” I said.
“You could always adopt a child, you know. Lucien has lived for nearly five hundred years without a child, and nothing bad has happened to him. If you so desperately want a child, you could just adopt one,” she said.
“But… but this one’s my flesh and blood,” I said.
She shrugged. “So what? He’s also Tyler Jefferson’s flesh and blood,” she said.
I looked away from her, knowing that she was saying the truth. Could I really raise the offspring of the Alpha? How would I even do that all alone? Apparently, no one else would take my side, and inasmuch as I contemplated keeping the child, the advantage was higher for choosing not to.
“Is Lucien in support of this?” I heard myself ask.
She nodded in the affirmative. “Obviously. He’s the one who sent me to inform you about it, too. He wants to know your decision,” Celeste replied.
“The Lucien I know isn’t a coward. If he wants to speak to me, he can do so in person instead of sending his minion to me, no offence,” I said.
“None taken.”
I stood up, preparing to head upstairs. “I can’t make a decision right now, Celeste, but one thing I know for sure is that Lucien has done so many things and made a lot of sacrifices for me. If he can tell me what he really wants me to do about this pregnancy in person, then I’ll do it without thinking twice. Whatever he wants, I’ll definitely do it… as long as it makes him happy,” I said, then began to head upstairs.
“Nivera, let him be for now,”’Celeste called after me, trying to stop me, but I was too far gone to pay any attention to whatever she had to say.
I barged into Lucien’s room, where I found him lost in deep thoughts that he didn’t even notice my presence until I tapped him slightly on the shoulders.
He looked up at me and seemed surprised. “Nivera, what are you doing here?” he inquired.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked immediately, staring directly into his eyes.
He looked away from me, refusing to say a word, but I didn’t accept his silence… I couldn’t accept his silence, and so, I stood in front of him with my hands akimbo.
“Talk to me, Lucien. Why have you been avoiding me instead of just telling me you’re disgusted because I’m carrying another man’s child?” I asked, almost at the top of my voice.
“I’m not disgusted,” he said.
“Why haven’t you been speaking to me then?” I asked, blinking back tears.
“Well, what did you expect me to say to you? Congratulations? Is that what you wanted me to say?” he snapped.
I was taken aback, and I swallowed hard. “You have every right to be angry, trust me, I know. I just wanted to find out if you truly want a doctor to remove the child,” I told him, deciding not to discuss the issue of him avoiding me like a plague any further.
He hesitated for a moment. “What did you expect? That I’d want you to keep it?” he asked, but he wasn’t looking me in the eye.
“That’s not an answer. Is that what you truly want?” I asked.
He nodded his head gently. “Yes.”
“Okay, then. I’ll do as you’ve said,” I stated, then turned my back and proceeded to leave.
“Nivera,” he suddenly called.
I stopped right in my tracks to look at him.
“How about you? What do you want?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I really don’t know. I mean, I found out I was pregnant only minutes ago, but I’d like to think that what I want is to not regret any decision I make right now. I know the child I’m carrying belongs to a despicable man, but I don’t want to abandon my child the same way my parents abandoned me,” I replied.
“You’re basically not abandoning the child. You’re wiping it off from existence,” he countered.
“Somehow, Lucien, that just feels even worse,” I told him.
He went silent for a minute, then drummed his fingers on the table, thinking about something I had no idea of. “You can go, I have somewhere to be,” he stated, dismissively.
Wait, that was it? He wasn’t going to be like he doesn’t want to force me into doing anything and would wait till I can be sure of what I want exactly? I guess the jealousy had changed who he was, but I couldn’t really blame him.
Perhaps, if I was in his shoes, I would have also done the same thing.