‘PLEASE, don’t find me…’
Benjamin stared at the last sentence that Caroline wrote in her letter to him. The letter was written on a scented paper with intricately embossed details of Sampaguita blossoms. Sampaguita is a kind of flower that has a unique scent that imposes purity and peace.
‘I never thought our paths would cross again. I chose to avoid you before because I don’t want you to know more about me—about my past that I despised all my life. But, I guess meeting you was part of my destiny. You came into my childhood life just when I thought that I should give up my breath. Nobody cared for me back then. Nobody showed affection and respect for me until you came and saved me from those miseries. Still, a man as perfect and pure as you don’t deserve a woman like me, just like I don’t deserve the other men who come and go in my life. You’re right about what you think I am, Benjamin… I’m a heartbreaker, and even I don’t know how to save myself from it.’
Benjamin crumpled the paper in his hand. He couldn’t believe that Caroline just left him because of the reason that he couldn’t understand. “She’s a heartbreaker, and she couldn’t save herself from it?” he laughed bitterly. “Then why she did all those things for my children and me? Is it just out of pity?”
His gaze shifted to the box. The handkerchief he used to tie and cover the cut on her hand when he saw her at the bar was neatly folded with a sticky note describing how she got it. Benjamin smiled as she imagined Caroline writing those words.
“She must be thrilled to find out that it was me—” He knotted his forehead when he noticed a familiar thing under the colorful straw strings. He pulled it out and was surprised to see that it was his P.E shirt.
‘From the moment that our eyes locked at each other, I knew it. You are the person that I wanted to spend my life with… But, it couldn’t be… I couldn’t love a person that long.’
Benjamin’s brows furrowed. “She couldn’t love a person that long? What does she mean?” He then remembered what his cousin, Mario, told him about Caroline.
“Benjaminfy, what’s up?” Mario asked after he picked up his phone.
Benjamin stood and walked towards his office’s window. He turned his eyes to the streets, where people that came from the Demitasse Café come and go. He heaved a sigh. His life wasn’t what it used to be since Caroline left. He looked at the T-shirt in his hand and remembered the day when he first saw Caroline.
“Mario, it’s about Caroline—”
“Something is wrong with her, Benjamin. I told you,” he cut off. Based on his reaction, he must have expected him to call for that reason.
He crumpled the shirt in his hand. “Tell me, what’s wrong with her?”
*
“I don’t know where part of France she went,” Hyacinth replied to Benjamin. She arched her brow and stared at him. “Let her be, Benjamin. Caroline needs space.”
Benjamin clenched his fist on the table. “Do you think it’s easy for me just to forget her?”
“I didn’t tell you to forget her.” Hyacinth rolled her eyes. “Just let her have some time for herself.”
“My daughters are looking for her…” he said and looked at the untouched Café Americano on their table. “I don’t know what I am going to tell them.”
Benjamin let out a sigh. After he talked to Mario yesterday, he called Hyacinth and asked her if he could meet him at a cafeteria near their office building. At first, Hyacinth was reluctant to meet him, but he begged her and kept calling her until she said yes.
“Why don’t you just tell me why she left suddenly?” he asked, tears beginning to sting his eyes. “If I give her the time that she needs, will she come back to me?”
When Hyacinth didn’t reply, Benjamin’s chest tightened. It hurts him so much to know that Caroline left him for good. She left him to the moment that he had learned to open his heart for her. She left just when the wounds were about to heal because of her.
“I’m right,” he said, nodding. “She’ll never come back to me—”
“Benjamin, it’s not for Caroline, too. Her love for you is real. That’s why she left. She doesn’t want to hurt you more, especially your daughters—”
“Then, why she left us? If she really cared for my children, if she really loved me, she wouldn’t leave. She will stay—”
“You don’t understand, Benjamin,” Hyacinth said, shaking her head.
“How am I going to understand if she wouldn’t tell me?!” Benjamin caught his head, teardrops fell on the table. “Does she have an emotional disorder? Is it the reason why she just left?”
“Benjamin—”
“Does it mean that her feelings for me are gone? She no longer felt SomethingSomething for me? Am I right?” Benjamin couldn’t fight his tears anymore. “Then, how about me? That’s it? She’ll just abandon me?”
“I’m sorry, Benjamin…” Hyacinth apologized. “But, one thing is sure, Caroline’s love for you is real. Even she knew that her disorder might attack at any moment, she continued to help you and your daughters. She loved Anastacia and Antonette so much that she sacrificed her own happiness for them.” Hyacinth sighed. “You see, she did this before your daughters get too attached to her, but she also made sure that they’re safe before something inevitable happens.”
Benjamin shook his head. “I don’t understand. If she really cared for my daughters, she wouldn’t just leave them.”
“She left because she wanted to find the cure for her condition,” Hyacinth explained. “She left you before her disorder could take away all her feelings for you, Benjamin.”
“I love her, and I am willing to help her overcome her fears and disorder. I want to be at her side when she is completely cured. We can make it happen together.”
“Caroline has to face her nightmares all by herself, Benjamin.” Hyacinth stood, preparing to leave.
He stood and caught Hyacinth’s arm before she could step away. Benjamin’s tears streamed down endlessly on his cheeks. His chest hurts until it’s hard for him to breathe. He looked up at Hyacinth, unashamed of his tears. “Please, tell me, where did she go?”
Hyacinth looked straight in his eyes. They don’t care if some of the cafeteria’s customers look at them as if they quarrel. She cupped her forehead and sighed. “Okay. I will tell you where she is but promise me that you won’t follow her. Caroline badly needs time and space. This fight is just between her and her soul.”
***