~Lou Wilson~
I woke up from my soothing sleep with a tingling feeling in my abdomen. I haven't slept that well in a long time and that was probably just because I was in my mate's arms.
But when I opened my eyes, he was no longer lying next to me. Instead, I discovered him under the covers, between my legs.
I immediately blushed as I realized where exactly he was kissing me. But alongside the discomfort, a great deal of pleasure built inside me again and I groaned as he lightly nibbled at my sensitive bud with his teeth.
"Arian," I moaned, admonishing him at the same time. I still didn't know what to make of his approach. But what he was doing there was doing so well. His tongue meanwhile found its way into my wet crease and began circling mine licking entrance.
The tingling feeling inside me grew more and more tense, so that I was about to have a second orgasm that night.
I was already feeling my insides clench when Arian suddenly lifted his head and grinned at me with a mischievous smile, making me blush with embarrassment again. Somehow I felt caught.
"You're so cute when you blush." He smirked.
He started kissing me again, but this time not where I needed him most, instead slowly kissing his way down my stomach, up to my breasts, finally claiming my mouth. This allowed me to taste myself, which made me uncomfortable at first. But then I got used to it and it intoxicated me to think about what he just did.
He let go of my lips and grinned again.
Then he unexpectedly pushed into me again, which made me scream briefly.
Still sore from earlier, it burned and my teeth bit into his shoulder to quell the pain.
"Fuck that's awesome," moaned the tall alpha above me, craning his head back as he began to move inside me. "You feel so damn good."
All he got from me was a groan.
After the pain slowly faded, the tension that had been there before built up again.
I was close again, but this time Arian didn't stop abruptly, just picking up his pace.
Then it was time and the orgasm rolled over me. I groaned loudly and my fingers clawed into Arian's back. My vaginal walls spasmed around Arian's shaft, which was still moving in and out of me at an unrestrained pace.
With a dark groan he sunk deep into me one last time and distributed his juice inside me.
A dreamy smile spread across my face. Could it always be like this with my mate from now on? Were our initial difficulties overcome?
At least for that moment he gave me the feeling that I had almost forgotten everything at first, until he suddenly got up, pulled out of me and grabbed his pants, which he pulled on.
"Arian?" I asked. What is he up to now?
A bad feeling came over me immediately. He's not going to leave me now that he's slept with me, is he?
He didn't respond to me, but put on a black shirt.
"What are you doing?" I asked, unable to stop my voice from shaking a little.
Again he didn't react but made his way out of the room. However, he stayed in the doorway and said without turning around, "One hot fuck is all you can get from me, so don't ask for more because I won't give you more!" With that, he disappeared, leaving me in shock.
My tears were already beginning to flow. What did he just mean?
I suddenly felt like a whore. I was nothing more to him. How could I ever think that he could allow more. He made it clear to me from the first meeting that he wasn't interested in me. Why was I so stupid and slept with him?
A thousand thoughts about my own stupidity circled in my head.
I felt used and dirty.
I curled up in the bed that smelled so much of Arian and cried silent tears until I fell asleep.
~Arian Storm~
Why did I just let my lust get the better of me, I thought as I lay in the alpha room of the packhouse. My father once slept here before moving into his own house with my mom. Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't live in this room.
I'm the alpha and should be there for my pack and it was kind of weird still living with his parents, just to think that someone noticed what I did to my mate tonight.
I shouldn't have slept with her. But I couldn't really regret it either, instead I was proud to have been her first.
...And also her last one, I thought.
But that couldn't work. I had to let her move on. I want her to have a nice life without me.
I thought again of what my sister said to me yesterday. I would be too attached to the fear that something might happen to her. But that was only one aspect. What about my pack? I should serve my pack alone.
But somehow that didn't make any sense either.
No matter how many arguments I tried to find, somehow they were just excuses. Everything I said earlier made sense. But suddenly nothing makes sense anymore.
If there's one good thing I can do for the pack, it's get them a Luna and sire a puppy to ensure a successor.
Fuck!
I sat up in bed when a sudden thought struck me that would only make the situation worse.
I wasn't using contraception!
FUCK!
To be sure again and to confirm my theory, I looked outside at the night sky.
Of course it was full moon, after all I became an alpha on this full moon night, but it also confirmed my fear again. Tonight was the night a werewolf had her most fertile day. So the chances are pretty good that I got Lou pregnant that night, too.
Doppelfuck!
But maybe she's on the pill, I tried to calm myself. Yes, she's definitely on the pill, after all we're still too young to be parents, especially since I've only just become alpha.
I need to focus on the pack and not on training and raising the next alpha.
Or maybe it didn't work at all, which is also very likely. It will definitely be one of these two options, after all the moon goddess would not give me a puppy right away...
I slowly calmed down.
It just had to be like this!
This time even more tense than before, I lay back on the soft mattress.
Turning a blind eye that night was probably wishful thinking. Instead, my thoughts kept revolving around my companion, who slept in my bed just down the house.
I'm sure I hurt her again with my words. I did not want.
What shall I do? Is my sister really right? Am I giving fear too much power over my actions? I just want to protect everyone around me, especially Lou. I just want nobody to get hurt.
But the only way I could really protect her was probably by keeping her close. But I also had to protect myself, my own heart. How much is a broken alpha worth?
In the end, it might be a good thing to keep them at a distance. I would take her into my pack and be able to have her close enough to protect her and at the same time I will stay away from her so I don't fall in love with this little angel.
Yes, that sounds like a good plan.
-----
Somehow I had actually managed to fall asleep that night, even if my sleep duration wasn't long.
I was woken up by a violent knock on the door.
"Damn Arian wake up. It's about Lou!" yelled a voice I recognized as my Beta Sebastian.
Realizing what he said, I immediately jumped out of bed and ran for the door.
Shit, I shouldn't have been so dismissive of her after sleeping with her. What kind of a big asshole am I to leave her alone after her first time?
Panic was certainly written all over my face when I yanked open the door to find my Beta casually leaning against the door opposite mine, grinning at me.
"I knew she was important to you. You can't deny it." He said seriously.
"Where is she?" If anything happens to her while he's making allegations so relaxed, I'll kill him.
Slowly but surely, Sebastian's face turned into a big grin until he burst out laughing.
"You-you should see your face," he cackled, trying to catch his breath.
I still didn't get it, but then his face got serious again and he said: "No, man, I don't know where she is. Actually, she should be with you, but since that's not the case..." He didn't finish his sentence when you suddenly saw in his sandstone-colored eyes that he had just realized something.
"Dude, don't tell me you ran away after sex?!"
I didn't answer, just looked at him blankly. He had hit the spot.
"Oh you holy full moon, are you completely stupid now? Do you know how she might be feeling right now?"
I just shrugged, if she pushed me off on her own now, that was fine too. Then I didn't have to fight it alone anymore.
"Go to her right now and apologize!" Seb tried to persuade me, but he only groaned in annoyance.
"It's better this way," I insisted, even if I wasn't entirely convinced myself, after all this inner conflict was penetrating me since last night. One side tried, with the words of Felia, to convince me that everything that what I used to think about Mates is stupid, but the other side kept coming up with new arguments why I should stay away from Lou.
In the meantime, I no longer knew exactly where I was standing. But distance would hopefully clear my mind.
"You know what, Arian, you're just being stupid if you just throw away a gift like the mate connection. And you know what? In all honesty, I doubt you'll ever be a good alpha the way you always push away those close to you to protect your own heart. That's just selfish. And no good alpha is selfish."
A loud growl erupted from me in response to that assertion. How can he say I'm not a good alpha. I would be selfish. This is treason!
Without my being able to control it, the alpha erupted out of me and grabbed Sebastian's throat to throw him against the nearest wall.
He hit it and grimaced in pain, making me immediately regret treating my best friend like that.
Sebastian stood up again and looked at me with knitted brows while holding his side.
"If you want to kill me, then please, but if you attack your best friend now, it only confirms what I've said. Your constant freaks are really just annoying." With that, he turned and walked towards the stairs, which he descended until all I could hear was his footsteps.
Was he right? Have I been behaving that badly lately? Sure, I've known about my constant outbursts since I met Lou, but was it really that bad? And most of all, was I really being selfish just because I want to protect my own heart as well? After all, I'm doing it for the pack, to a certain extent.
But maybe I should really apologize to Lou and just start exploring the mate connection on my own...
What if everyone is really right and I missed something so wonderful that it made it possible to throw all fears overboard?
At least I should apologize to her. Saying those hurtful words to her wasn't right. She didn't deserve this.