CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
RYKER
She took in ragged breaths and pushed back her hair from her face. She had just showered and the scent of vanilla filled my nostrils. Perhaps it was her shampoo but it smelled like what could be eaten.
She pulled her legs up to her chest. “My parents were really good. I don't know about how they treated the people. I was quite young then.”
“But I know they loved my brother and I a lot and they taught us to look out for each other.”
I nodded as I listened, scared to interrupt for she might stop talking.
“Zane loved me a lot. I would show him all my dumb paintings and drawings and he would tell me that's the most creative thing he had ever seen,” she chuckled and stared into space as though the memories had come flooding back.
“I was neve scared. I had my big brother around and no one dared bully me but yes I was weak. I've always been weak. I couldn't do what kids younger than me were doing. It was that bad. But Zane told me it was because I was young that when I was big like mom and dad, I would be really powerful.”
“And I believed him. He had so much faith in me. He didn't let people talk about my looks although it was obvious. I was the only person with conspicuous red hair and people said I was a curse. Some went as far to say my mother was sleeping with someone else.”
She paused and sniffed and it tugged at my heart at how sad she looked. She looked really sad that I had to use my willpower to refrain from hugging her and telling her it was going to be okay.
I couldn't because she didn't like pity and I was finding it hard to believe the Zane she was describing to me was the same one who had pushed her and called her names the first day we met.
“But I was confident in it. My mom always told me I was beautiful and my dad would say I stood out and everyone was just jealous because I was unique. And it felt right.”
She paused and watched me. Her eyes were red now.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she said, a smile tugging at the corner.
I smiled softly, “would you need a kleenex?”
She shrugged her shoulders, “I don't need it. I'm strong. It's a story I'm used to.”
I nodded and placed a pack on the table. Just in case she needed it because she looked as though any minute she could cry.
“Um, everything went well until this day,” she said, her voice growing weak and light.
She exhaled loudly and rubbed her hands together as if trying to compose herself. “I was kept in a room and told not to come out. There was a war. I should have stayed in there, I shouldn't have come out.”
I saw the tears now. They glistened in her eyes. She blinked hard. Really hard to keep them from falling.
“But there were gunshots and I saw my brother go with my parents. The fire… it was so much I was scared when everyone returned to come and get me, all they would have is my ashes.”
She sniffled. “I came out. I saw people dying and I was so scared I rushed into the scene. I was looking for my family and I couldn't see them. Then…” she trailed off and I saw a tear drop.
I shifted. I sucked at comforting people. I had no idea what to do. Put my arms around her shoulder? Give her water or just watch?
Pull her onto your lap and give her a kiss.
Dante you horny bastard.
“Alpha?”
“Yeah?” I whispered.
“I think I may be in need of the kleenex,” she said and chuckled.
“Good thing I kept it at arms reach,” I said and placed it in her hands. She rolled her eyes at me and mouthed a ‘thank you.’
“I heard my name and I saw my parents. I remember being pulled by my brother but my parents— they were stabbed. I saw them in a pool of their blood. They died and I can't remember what else happened.”
“Zane, he hasn't forgiven me since then. He blames me for it and I think he's right. If only I had stayed where I was put, all that wouldn't have happened.”
“And then he changed. He stopped caring, he hated me and called me all sorts of names. I thought okay one day he's going to forgive me and love me and be my best big brother but I was just wishing for what I could never have.”
“Your brother’s a monster. He doesn't waste any time showing it to people.”
“Could you keep quiet for a while? I need to get this thing out of me and you talking doesn't make it easy.”
Exactly. He’s an asshole.
“And well I was weak. Very weak. I tried hard to train but I failed. I couldn't do anything and I didn't get a wolf either at 18 which made it worse. I was never regarded as the Alpha’s daughter and my brother was like okay Cinderella, cook and scrub the floors.”
I let out a laugh against my will but she did make it sound funny. She glared at me. “Would you be less of an asshole? I'm mourning.”
“You shouldn't have said the last part.”
“Oh please come on. With Cinderella there was a ball and a Prince but with me— hell. Everyone hates me for being weak and my brother doesn't want anything to do with me. That's why he refused to heal me.”
I sat upright. “What!?”
I nodded.
“Zane said there was no cure.”
She giggled. “Sometimes Alpha, I wonder where your head is at. We are white moons. We are the healers. There is nothing we can't cure. Zane just doesn't want to help me. He said he'd rather I die and I deserved it because I killed our parents.”
I swallowed as the tears rolled down her cheek and her body quivered with every indrawn sob. I itched to touch her but I knew I would mess it up. “So let me guess. You cope with it by accepting that it's your fault they died?”
“Isn't it?” She asked as she blew her nose into the kleenex. “It was only a sentence and I messed it up and my brother hates me.”
“It's no fault of yours. You didn't kill them—”
“No,” she whispered. “They could have been alive if I had listened. They came to save me, that's why they got killed.”
“Stop it, Roxanne. Either way either one of them could have died. You didn't put a damn sword through them, did you?”
“No but i—”
“Regret doesn't help. What happened happened. Either way it would have happened and they would have still died. And Zane’s just an asshole. Always has.”
“Doesn't help. But thanks,” she said and sighed deeply.
“Alright. I don't like the atmosphere. Who wants ice cream?”
***
ROXANNE
Talking to Ryker helped again but still didn't change the reality that he was an idiot. I was in his office munching on the ice cream Beta Miles got me.
Oh you thought it would have been the Alpha? He had his head buried in a pile of documents and he was frowning all through. In a way I was grateful I wasn't regarded as an Alpha’s daughter.
I had always seen Zane complain and yell and get frustrated while dealing with the pack, his mate and business. If I had Chloe in my life, I would have committed murder.
I did have her in my life, months ago but food in my pack was too good to keep me alive. So if it's what you're thinking then yes.
Why leave all those wonderful meals behind all because of one woman?
And I'm a really lazy person for this type of work. I'd push it away and sleep, except I'm being threatened.
I strolled in the Alpha’s office, enjoying my company and touching every statue and observing every detail. It was mostly statues and awards and pictures. The picture of that woman from the garden. I didn't like her very much. And pictures of his beta and himself and other pack leaders.
But there wasn't a single one of his parents.
Comparison wasn't my thing. Everyone had their choices but it was a law that the picture of the past pack leaders be displayed in the office.
“So you spend almost all your days here?” I asked.
“Most of the time,” he corrected.
“All by yourself? Just doing this?”
He sneered.
“Who said I was by myself? I smooch my Beta in here.”
Such a slut.
Although, I knew he was messing with me. Ryker could never— I could never get the picture right. He and Miles just didn't click.
“Do you think having a mate is necessary?” I asked, out of the blue.
Finally Ryker lifted up his eyes and stared at me. “I don't know.”
I shrugged. “Sometimes I just don't get it. You're 18 and then you get your wolf and then before you know it, you're forced to spend life eternal with someone out of the blues because of some dumb scent.”
“You don't have to. You could reject them and spend life by yourself,” he said and returned back to work.
I sat before him. “It's actually a perfect life you know. All by yourself. You don't have to consider someone else and the best part, you don't get to have babies.”
Ryker glared at me this time. His jawline tightened and his eyes were darker again.
I jumped.
“You don't believe in mating or you're saying all of this because you don't have your wolf yet?”
I shook my head. “Wolfing out scared me. But it was the exciting part. That's what makes you a werewolf. Now I'm more like a human,” I hesitated before connecting my eyes with his. “And the only reason I begged the moon goddess for my wolf was so I could find my mate and leave white moon. Not because I really wanted him.”
Ryker's fist was clenched now and I saw a vein pop out on his neck. He looked like he was about to explode, for a reason I didn't know of.
“What if you've had your mate already but you can't perceive them because you're without a wolf?”
I laughed hysterically and then stopped. I leaned in closer and whispered. “He should suit himself.”