Running through the wildflowers was always a favorite thing for Yvette.
The main reason while she liked to do it, especially on a field she knows since her childhood, an hour hike or so away from her parents’ home, is that it really driven the energy she had into the ground. It helped her remain grounded, not to be succumbed to the everyday problems, lost in the mind games, worry about future problems.
She ran over that field, barefoot, together with Grace for the first time when they were teenagers. Grace did not want to at first - why running if no one is chasing? She never understood joggers either, running around like headless chicken - so boring and so tiresome. She could roller skate around in the park for hours without getting bored of it, and dance all through the night, but running? No, that’s for psychos and people who are anxious to fit in, swimming where the tides take them, only to let go of that activity when it’s not trendy anymore.
So Yvette started chasing her, to give her a reason to run. They crisscrossed the field, screaming, shouting, singing, and they did that many times after that first summer back in the high school years. It became a rite in their spring cleansing weeks.
But it was winter now, and Yvette longed for that field again. They sat in her own family home, next to the furnace which has been revamped and thoroughly cleaned, staring at the dance of the flames inside it.
“Grace” asked Yvette “Remember when we were very little? You used to always say that you felt you had to shoulder the load?”
“Yes, I remember well, you knew back then there was something more for your life.”
“Yes, and I still feel this way Grace! I can’t explain the feelings now but they are as true today as they were back then.”
“Yeah, baby. You always felt alone. Even though you knew you were beautiful, a gorgeous, pretty face, popular, funny, kind… you often said no one understands, you are alone, and that’s all there is…”
“I still feel alone Grace!” - Yvette shouted, her face turning red and her eyes hazy with tears.
“Shhh, sweetheart, no reason to shout, I’m here for you baby…”said Grace, standing up, and carefully hugging her friend, caressing her head that laid on her shoulder.
“I can’t make it work…” answered Yvette, weeping. “...Jay doesn’t give a crap about me for days, than when he does he is mad at me because I’m not paying attention…, I mean, what does he expect?! Of course I will text Nico, at least he is comforting, and he is not making me remember how worthless I am all the time. An invisible friend, that’s where I ended up again, like when I was a kid. At least back then, they showed up when I wanted them to, not when they were not busy with teaching other people, or when I’m together with a real friend. None of this makes any sense.”
“Okay” said Grace, and she grabbed Yvette by the shoulders, not very gently. “Let’s just run through the situation, like, analytically, okay? Listen.” she said, turning away from Yvette to the tiny wooden table and poured from the wine bottle for both of them. She handed Yvette one glass of ellentmondást nem tűrően, and sat down, gesturing her to do the same. “We call this assessment analysis back at the firm. Let’s just run through what do we have and then we decide what do with that.” Yvette nodded and sat down in the chair, and sipped from the wine.
“Okay. So, we are young women, closing thirty, but not quite there yet. Objectively speaking, we are kind of hot. We are wild and free. We are financially independent, in fact, we are rich. No one has any sort of power over us, only those who we want to trust with that power. You, darling, are dating an Italian who is insanely fun and great in bed while you are sexting with another guy who is making you cum only with his thoughts, from the other side of the Atlantic. That correct, right?”
“Well, it’s not like… sexting; it’s more like a relationship, a deep connection…”
“I know, I know, intricate patterns intertwined in your lives, I get that he is very special, let’s not get bogged down with definitions, let’s just find working descriptions.”
“Intricate patterns intertwined, wow, very nicely put, Grace, how did you just…”
“Yeah, well, I told you I’m having sessions with Julie-Marie lately. I spent a little too much energy in the… Matter, I think, and the aerial view she provides is really refreshing. Something I was in need of. But let’s get back to the subject…”
“How is she? I did not talk to her since Jay returned… she talked about me?”
“Sure, Yvette, I mean, we are BFF-s baby, of course, Julie-Marie knows that and she told me about you.”
“That you should be worried?”
“You know perfectly well that what an Advisor tells you is for you only. It’s written even in the Terms of Service you need to acknowledge when you enlist in a session. But you know that anyway. So, I don’t understand your question.”
“Okay.”, Yvette smiled through the veil of her tears. “I’m surprised you take this so seriously… but I accept it.”
“Yvette, I’m not taking many things seriously, you know that as well, you know more about that than anyone on this world. The very few things we should take seriously are the powers beyond our control, things that are bigger than us and what we can’t fully comprehend. The power of the Spirit is very real. You are gifted, so you know that, again, better than me.”
Yvette nodded, bitterly. Again, she was lectured about something she should know, or more precisely, something she knows, but she is not paying attention. Yvette realized she is picky about the laws of the Universe. The ones supporting her dreams and wishes are fine, the others, well, she often decides to simply ignore them, and then succumbs to despair when things don’t turn out well. Quite a pill and Yvette was not ready to swallow.
Grace saw the grey clouds drifting through the face of her friend, and quickly continued. The one thing she did not want is to push her friend deeper into the darkness.
“So, let’s get back to the assessment.”
“Gracie, I appreciate what you are doing to me. But you know, we will simply prove that I’m a spoiled bitch who doesn’t know what to do with her luck and status. I’m not sure I need that right now.”
Grace raised her eyebrow and emptied her glass before going on.
“We will prove nothing like that, because it is not true. Sure, your “I am enough” mantra seems to under deliver lately. But my conclusion is something very different to yours. Yvette, do you remember our chases in the wildflowers? That is my point. We are those wildflowers. And the whole world is our field. The whole reason of its existence is our bloom. The world, Yvette, is here to bask in our beauty and freedom, and it is eternally grateful for us that we exist in it.”