It's been three months since Kahin came back, three months since Ian and his friends abused me, three months in which I try to remember and can't, three months in which I try to move on. My mother is more impossible with Kahin, she has a Congolese hatred as my aunt Lourdes would say, she hates him the most, but what catches my attention is that when Kahin gets fed up with her mistreatment, she just has to say that she doesn't want to make him lose patience and it's all so that mom doesn't continue with her treatment of him, that surprises me, she has never seen him lose control and I don't understand why she's already afraid of him, I ask them if they've known each other before and no one tells me anything, they make it clear to me that they don't.
Kahin for his part is fighting against everything so that I forgive him, but the truth is that I do not because I am the one who feels guilty for what he did to those idiots, although I still do not know what it was that he did to them exactly, the truth is that I get further and further away from him, I don't know how to forgive him without first having forgiven myself.
Carla and Loan are going from strength to strength, they seem like love sick. I hate them! They are very happy and I love that, they mix fights with love.
Randon Black convinced me to go back to campus and I think it was the best thing I did, this helped me a lot to get back to being that confident girl, but still somewhat fearful. Ian dropped out of this university and I have not seen him anymore, no one knows what I went through, so everyone treats me with total normality, I also appreciate that a lot, it helps me to be seen as that tough and determined girl that I was before.
"Well young men, let's go, people are already arriving," Professor Gómez is crazy, it is the activity of the closing of the two month period and he came up with the great idea that we would exhibit our work in public, to be able to take the final grad, "ok, I want you all at the disposal of the visitors, for anything they want to know about your work, remember, as they develop, the level of their qualification will be, so, I hope you give good answers," he smiles looking at us, "everyone has a promising future and I am going to feel very proud when I attend the most famous art exhibitions and your works are there," we all applauded happily, Professor Gómez is one of the best, without him we would have learned little.
Each student positions themselves in their rightful place, as always, my friend and I are next to each other.
"Did you see Randon with his band?" Carla asks, "fuck Marili, they are all professionals, when we get out of here we should go see him.
I smile as I nod, " we would definitely go, I promise," my friend winks at me. Days ago, we had a fiery discussion, Loan forbade her to speak with Randon and my foolish friend accepted it as usual, I didn't like it and I made her see what that old man was being and I couldn't let her fall into the same thing, he can't be so permissive.
"Hey girls," Randon is coming, "fuck! We are good with art. Look at our works, precious.Doesn't it bother you that all women see your man?" He asks me, when he sees the drawing, I smile, but when I see that all the women are looking at my painting carefully, I think about it.
"I don't care," I shrug my shoulders unsure.
"You clearly care" Carla chuckles, "girl that question has made you think." Randon joins her in laughing.
"Shut up, you're not saying anything good," I smile without being able to do more, those two together are assured disorder.
"Come on Randon, see you later," Carla says when she sees people come to our hall, seeing my mother hugging my aunt Lourdes's arm makes me smile, they are two great artists that I admire a lot.
"Good luck with your work girls," he winks at us and walks away from us.
"Please," my mother growls, "is it a joke, Marilí?" I frown, "couldn't you bring something else where that man isn't?" Aunt Lourdes gestures at her to stop..
"No mom, I wanted to bring this one and I don't regret it," the painting is from when I lost my virginity, Kahin is naked on the bed with his arms behind his head, his well defined muscles, his seriousness that I like so much, his beautiful half-open mouth and his huge erection as hard and erect as ever, "you always like my jobs and since this one has Kahin, it bothers you. Although I have not forgiven him, I love him the same, so mom, please," I look at her sadly, which I imagine she doesn't like, "does Kahin get your attention?" I ask no longer being able to keep it to myself.
"Marilí!" My aunt scolds me, "how can you ask your mother something like that? How can you think of something like that?" Angry and hurt by her behavior, I look at my aunt.
"So you don't want to see me happy? Is that it? Because there is no other way of looking at things, Kahin has not done anything to her, he treats her with respect and she just attacks him, I love that man and nothing can change that fact, not because they have raped me I am going to leave him," I almost shouted, Carla immediately pulled my arm, seeing the full place I decide to shut up.
"Your words have hurt me," my mother whispers before her best friend takes her away.
"Why do I have to go through this?" I look at my best friend, "why does Mom have to be like this? I always convince myself that I do not forgive Kahin because I am not ready and because I have not forgiven myself, but the truth is that my mother feeds me not to do it and I listen to her," the tears struggle to come out but I don't allow it.
"Quiet dear, right now you are very upset and you think things that are not."
I look at her, "I know you only say that so as not to agree with me."
"Good students," the professor applauds, "good morning ladies and gentlemen," he looks at the audience, "I am the art teacher, my name is Santiago Gómez." They all respond to the greeting, "here you all see my students with their final papers, you can all approach without fear and ask what you want to know, " he smiles, "I exhort you to enjoy these spectacular works," he moves away and people are approaching us, I try to breathe to be able to do a good job, my grade depends on this and there is no longer a scholarship to help me, they took it away from me for missing classes and Kahin, like everything else, paid a whole year in advance.
"Good afternoon," a middle aged woman greets smiling, I welcome her with the smile, "can you tell me if that came from your imagination or was inspired by someone?" The woman asks with a little morbidity.
"Is the model here?" One of her friends asks, I look at the five women in front and then I look at the people who are further back.
"It was inspired by someone and no, the model is not here," I try to be as professional as possible.
"What led you to draw a room with a naked man lying on the bed?" A man asks this time.
"I'm a big fan of immortalizing important events and this was one of them," they all smile mischievously, you don't have to be very clever to understand what I meant.