Feeling her delicate and welcoming embrace makes me smile, it has been a while since I felt as protected as I do now. Her relaxed breathing relaxes me, when I look at her I realize that she was already looking at me.
"Buongiorno treasure," greets my mother and giving me a kiss on the head.
"Buongiorno mamma," I hug her tighter. Now I understand that mom would never leave me alone and that everything she does is for my good.
"Do you want to make breakfast with me?" We should celebrate that you have decided to move forward. I agree it's only been a week since my unfortunate episode, a week in which the man who made me believe he loved me left me alone and helpless, but it's as my friend says, if it weren't for my physical marks, I'd never would have found out what happened to me and that is a very good advantage, not remembering anything cannot mark me more than I am and that I must take advantage of it, so it is decided, I have to move forward.
"Yes mom, I want to prepare it. Shall we invite Aunt Lourdes and Carla?" Mom smiles happily.
"Of course we shall! Come on, write to her to shower and prepare everything," mom gets up and looking at me tenderly caresses my cheek, "you are strong darling, I am very proud of you," she kisses me on the forehead and I watch her leave.
Taking the mobile, I enter WhatsApp and the first thing I see is a message from an unknown number, on it.
'Forgive me for being an idiot'.
Surprised and confused I decide to believe it is Kahin, hurt because he left me without saying anything, I bite my lip, should I answer? After thinking about it and considering how strange it is, I answer.
'To achieve my forgiveness, you have to do much more, you have left me alone and you did not bother to tell me where you would be. Mr. Hamann I am very hurt, where are you?'
I send the message and I wait like a fool for several minutes but the message is not sent, angry and frustrated by what is happening I block and delete the message, maybe that has been a goodbye forever.
After writing to Carla, I go to the bathroom, I undress and look in the mirror, the bruises on my body are disappearing, my sex and my anal cavity are working well, I can walk without pain or discomfort, my body is returning to normal, but can I be the same? I tell myself to stop thinking about those things that only bring back bad memories that I don't even have in my head, I get into the shower to wash myself.
"Manaaaa," shouts my friend entering the house, I leave the kitchen half smiling.
"Maniiii," I greet her but not with the same enthusiasm, I still can't find that part in me.
"We have finally arrived, almost everything is ready," my best friend hugs me and kisses me just like her mother.
"For heaven's sake," my aunt Lourdes cries, "it's a very nice Italian breakfast," she laughs, "I used to make some tortillas with stewed sausages, some corn buns with Kiener sausages or some patacones with minced bofe," the laughter does not take long, not all the time my aunt behaves in that relaxed way.
"Well daughter, what you are going to find here is a typical Italian breakfast, a coffee to take quickly and if you hurry me even a croissant," my mother quivers. It is true in Italy according to my mother, at breakfast time they only have a quick coffee.
"Aunt Camilla ..." Carla complains, "we're going to be hungry," she sits at the table staring at the cup of cappuccino in front of her and the lonely croissant beside her.
"Don't be silly daughter, breakfast is in the kitchen, there's everything your mother mentioned, so come on ... Help me set the table." My friend gets up faster than the light, I watch them go and I smile without noticing.
"That's my girl, smile and don't let anything erase that precious curve from you" aunt Lourdes mention and I look at her, "you don't know how much joy your decision to move forward gives me, I've always said it, Camilla Cook has known how to raise you."
Pouting, I walk over to her and sit on her lap to hug her, "all that's left for me is to smile, auntie, I don't remember anything and I won't spend my whole life trying to remember something that would hurt me more," I smile again. "I am willing to let the wounds in my body heal and those in my soul to heal." She kiss my head and I stand up, hearing a knock on the door I look at my aunt who shrugs her shoulders, my heart for some reason is racing, without waiting for anything else I go to attend to the door. When I opened it, I was stunned.
"Hello lethal," Loan is in front of me, unable to avoid it and very nervous, I look behind him, looking for Kahin's car but the disappointment that took me almost killed me, "how are you?" The corners of my lips curl slightly.
"Long live that's what matters, isn't it?" The fool nods, I know he wants to talk about it and that makes him uncomfortable, "easy, I'm fine, nothing's wrong," I shrug "I don't remember anything so I guess it's okay," I look at the floor and then at him, "is Kahin here in Panama?" He messes up his blond hair and looks at me.
"He..."
"Zazo, it's you ..." My friend interrupts by throwing herself on him, I move away to let them greet each other. Kahin has not come, he just left me and will not return, I am about to accept it. With my heart broken into a thousand pieces, I go to my room, I don't want to cry in front of everyone, I feel that being raped is less painful than being abandoned, the tears overflow from my eyes, I want to move on, I want to be the same again, but the absence of Kahin hurts me a lot and prevents me from meeting my goals.
"Skinny?" My friend knocks on the door of my room and when she receives no answer from me, she enters, "honey ..." She whispers sitting down next to me and then hugging me, "you were making progress." The tears become more abundant.
"I'm not crying because of what happened to me, I'm crying because Kahin left without saying anything to me, I'm sad because he left me right now," the sobs shake me violently, "I miss him," I confess. I'm already used to him, his protection and his scenes of jealousy and bad temper. I smile bitterly.
"Easy honey, Loan said he doesn't know anything about him, but he'll help us contact him, I need you to stop crying and don't drop, okay?" I nod while wiping my tears.
"I don't want them to help me look for him, if he decided to leave me it's for something," with a deep sigh I try to calm myself, "I'll go wash my face," I get up to leave my room.
"It's awesome," I hear my friend say, I stop before opening the door and look at her, "the strength you have to go through everything that hurts you, the strength to decide not to suffer too much and the desire to improve yourself that you always have, you are an exceptional human being Marilí, never change," she smiles, "everything has an explanation and if Kahin has told you that he loves you then that is true, he never lies about you."
Looking down, I hold back tears.