I wish you could give me- us a chance. If I wanted your pity, I would have gained it long ago. Rayan thought with a smile, looking at Isra sleeping beside him, curling like a ball. He couldn't fathom why she insisted on sharing the bed but here is she. The angel sleeping beside me.
He stared at her face for a while as a smile crept upon his lips, having the benediction of sleeping beside her. The memory was clear from last night where his lips collided hers, even briefly but they became this serenity.
Without touching her skin, his fingers moved to the sides of her face and no matter how much he wanted, he didn't touch her and moved his fingers down, staring intently at her face when his finger stopped at her lips she woke up, he gasped, moving away from her, "I-I am sorry. I-I didn't touch you." He reasoned, moving and getting up. She arched her brow and sighed, "I know. You don't have to be startled." She told him softly. "Sorry. I am not used to it." He mumbled, looking away before getting up.
They were having breakfast and Rayan said, "I am sorry that you have to sleep with me."
"Don't bother, I slept on my free will. You don't have to apologize for little things, for things that are not your fault, It's alright" She asked tenderly and was about to put her hand over his but he pulled his hand back, looking away and nodded hesitantly, "O-Okay, forget it then."
"Do you want to forget it?" She asked innocently, "Why would I remember it? To be my agony?" He asked back in the same tone, they maintained the stare for a few seconds and without realizing, Isra spoke up.
"It's not about that day, Rayan." She said, lowering her gaze in lamentation, "Then what is it?" He asked softly, tilting to get a clearer look of her face. Me. She couldn't say.
"It's not only about it." She breathed out, getting up, "Do you hate me?" He asked out of the blue, fearing hearing 'yes'. She stopped, narrowing her eyes in compassion, curling her lips upward, "No. I couldn't. I tried but it's not in my ability." She whispered, fidgeting her fingers, biting her lips, "Why are you making things complicated, Isra? If there's anything you can to tell me, you can." He tried to assure her, she smiled in return, nodding. "I will."
"And you know you never do." He mocked with a smile, but it clearly shows her demeanor hurts him immensely. With a growing smile, Isra took a step closer, "I never need to." Her voice came almost inaudible, running her hand in his hair, increasing his heartbeat by her action, staring mesmerizingly at her, "You know what I am unable to speak, you are aware of my condition without being told." She said, getting lost in the ocean of his eyes knitted with her in perplexity to understand her behavior as he hand trailed down to her cheek.
"I can't always predict." He whispered, putting his hand over hers, "But you are here. Once again, when I needed someone even without asking." She whispered back, her eyes were moistening to think how much she hurt him but he always returned to her.
How can you love me boundlessly? She thought before pulling her hand away. "I wish you could willingly let me be a part of your life, not as in forced." He breathed out, turning his head away. "We never know what fate has in store for us." She told him softly, he hummed as they remained like this and with a long sigh Isra turned to leave, going back to her room to get ready for work.
They were going to work as Rayan told her on the way, "You have to attend the anniversary as my wife."
"I know, I have some obligations too. You don't have to bear them alone." With a sweet reply, she left and Rayan was baffled by her sweetness, not expecting her to treat him right.
Why are you changing now? Why does my agony matter now when it didn't before? He thought, watching her leave.
At Lunch, Rayan was alone but a knock appeared and she came, "Um.. Are you free?" She asked, "Yeah. Why?" She asked, "I hope... we can have lunch together." She offered politely and asked how he could reject. They were having lunch in silence but Rayan spoke up, "Why are you doing this?" He asked sternly. To redeem an old mistake. She closed her eyes, "Do what?" She asked, acting oblivious.
"Being so generous. Did I startle you that night?" He asked coldly, putting his elbow on the armest, giving her a stern gaze, "No. It's not it.. uh.. I thought when you were trying.. when you are putting in the effort, why don't I as well?" She asked expectantly, curling her lips upward but his jaw clenched, "Where was this concern before?" She gulped hard, apprehensive about his reaction.
"Look, Isra." Rayan sighed, moving forth, "You don't have to force yourself. I have borne this before myself, I can certainly do it now as well." He told her, trying to convince her but making a distressed face, she asked, "Why do you want to be the good guy, to act like a victim?" She snapped, her heart clenched by his words but there's no prevention of it either.
"Am I not allowed to try?" She asked angrily, he was taken aback at her growl, not expecting such a thought to even cross her mind, "With consent, not by someone's force." Rayan breathed out, "Why do you think anyone would try to force me to be good with you? Don't I have my own cognition to think and try?" She asked, voice breaking along the way, dejected to find herself among the lessen ones for some reason.
"Isra, what happened to you?" He asked softly, baffled by her behavior, "Nothing. " She muttered, getting up to leave, "You know what, Rayan?" She called him seriously but the ache on her face was visible, "Everything works in balance, it should be balanced because the enhancement of one could leave the other in complex but you won't understand." She scoffed, flabbergasting him even more. "I don't even understand what are you trying to say." He said, tilting his head in confusion but fuming at him, she scoffed,
"You wouldn't anyways." She muttered, leaving Rayan alone with an infuriating thought rendering her unable to think, increasing her rage and suffering,
Those who love endlessly could never understand the complexity of the other.