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"Was my love so worthless that even after knowing she pretended it never existed?" He sobbed, falling on the ground, crying, losing himself in the defect gained by her lack of recognition.
What did he ever ask? A chance?
Sniffling, he took a deep breath, forcing his broken and unkempt form to get up, wiping the tears in his eyes, growling,
"I can't let this happen."
Rayan went to Emraz's room. He was getting ready to leave. Emraz grinned excitedly after seeing Rayan, "Hey, Rayan- Are you alright?" His thrill faltered after seeing Rayan lost in thoughts.
"Bhai... I want to confess something... I should have done it before... I.. should have told you before..." Rayan whispered, leaning on the wall. "What is it?" He asked in confusion, not knowing what he wanted to confess on this auspicious day. "I.. I.. "
"What is it, Rayan? You can tell me anything, what is it?" He asked softly, coming and chuckling dryly to himself, he began to say,
"I lied to you..."
"Lied about what?" He asked in bewilderment, vexed about Rayan's devastated state, with a growing smile, he replied,
"I lied about Isra's image. I lied that she might not love you, I lied... I didn't even give her the chocolate you asked me to... I lied to her as well, I told her you are not a good person, told her bad things about you... I have lied so many times.." He began to say pantingly, looking around with tears brimming in his eyes, looking here and there,
"Rayan... Why are you bringing this up now?" Emraz hesitantly asked, coming closer, not knowing what his confession could change anyways, they are getting married and overcoming their flaws.
"I.. Was so young when I had to transfer to my new school... At first I was angry but then.. I saw Isra and found a reason to stay. You know why Zain is my best friend? Because I wanted to stay close to her. To have her near me, I did everything I could, changed myself to become someone she could be with but she always ignored me.. never gave me a chance.. From the very start I had always been a non-existent character in her story..." He laughed hollowly, running his hand in his hairs, still not meeting his gaze, leaving him perplexed, dropping his heart rate in dread. "You are aware you are talking about my soon to be wife, don't you, Rayan?" Emraz asked sternly, hoping it's not what he thinks and Rayan's forbearance broke,
"But, Bhai!.. I.. I.. Have loved her ever since my childhood... I thought it ended by the passing years but when I saw her at the college again-" He paused, swallowing hard, confessing his love, "I lost my very soul, I lost myself, nothing else mattered before her, I became hers... I can't think of anyone else, she has intoxicated my mind, she had been living there always." He covered his mouth, trying not to cry.
"I was envious of you guys. It made me jealous that she gave you a chance but not me... Why are you but not me who loves her more than my own self? Why does it have to be you but not me when clearly I love her more than anything else in the world?!" His voice came out broken, shattered about his own feelings exhausting his heart to think he loved her longer his mind could perceive, back when he didn't know what love is- he loved her even then. Hoping to impede his feelings but they always enhanced the ferocity but his words crashed Emraz's newly built home.
"I tried... I tried Bhai. I swear I did but... I couldn't forget her. She.. She was at the center of my thoughts. I couldn't forget her even if I tried... She.. She has become a part of my soul, even if she feels nothing for me now but I cannot remove her.. If you take her out of this heart, it will either die or become a lifeless being piece. I could never do this... she will always rule my heart.. I can't get her out of my heart, Bhai... I can't, I just can't!" Emraz's heart constricted for not realizing the reasoning behind his baseless action, agonizing him.
"Bhai, I can't get her out of my head, she has been living there since childhood. I lost my prayer to call her, still I die to become one with her. That's what she has done to me. I don’t know what is happening to me but I can't bear it any longer..." He began to cry, pulling his hairs by the weary sensation afflicting his mind badly beyond repair, losing the string of hope, slipping through his fingers like sand.
"Why... Didn't you tell me .. Before?" Emraz asked, losing his breath after Rayan's ravaged condition and untold emotions. The sound of his sob echoed in the room, hurting him.
"I thought I would gather all the broken pieces and form a new statue but I can't do it anymore. I can't worship anyone else. I can't... I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I can't do this.. I can't.." His voice cracked up and what he had been suppressing in his heart for a long time burst, overwhelming his heart by incomprehensible agony, exposing the condition of his heart.
"I can't live without her bhai!! I love her too much!!" He cried out loud, falling on his knees, the sound was loud enough to echo in the place as he screamed the emotions.
A tear rolled down Emraz's cheek as he bent and hugged him, unsure how to react to this affliction, "I can't forget her!!" He screamed, letting out his uncontrollable tears rolling down without any halt, letting out hiccups of anguish, the abyss consumed his whole being.
"Rayan..." Emraz whispered, lips quivering. Not knowing how it happened, how could he not see Rayan was crazy for her all this time.
"I am so sorry!! I am sorry!! I don't want to but I can't take it anymore!!" He continued to shout, letting out the devastation building inside him, crying his heart out with roaring sound trembling even walls to sense his destructive stage leading him to the extreme.
Emraz rubbed his back, gulping continuously to no cry not, hoping to hammer his sound, hurting deeply to hear his wails. Rayan continued to soak his shirt with his tears, unable to put a halt on his overflowing grief. Rayan continued to cry wholeheartedly in his embrace, bringing what began to torment his soul in front of someone for the first time.
They remained like this as Rayan poured his heart out in tears, losing his identity in his path to her heart, confessing his feelings. Tears still gleamed on his face but soon voice calmed down, his trembling body pulled away from Emraz, sniffling and wiping his eyes.
"I-I.. Apologize for freaking y-you out like this.. I.. I-I will.. I will g-go somewhere.. a-after your marriage... and never return... I didn't mean to startle you.. I.. a-am sorry. I don't know what happened to me.. I just want you two be happy.. Please take care of her... y-you won't hear from me a-again.." He said weakly, crawling back, swallowing the lump down, licking his lips, not lifting his razed eyes, stealing stars from his night and replacing them with darkness, hugging his knees.
Emraz looked down, his heart clenched as he asked in a low crumbled tone, getting up, "Do you truly think... I could marry her... after knowing how much you have died for her?" He asked, looking up at Rayan with his teary eyes. Rayan's eyes widened in dread after realizing what he had done. "Do you think I would want to marry a person whose presence could destroy my own brother? Do you think I will kill you from inside?" Emraz barely made his words, Shaking his head in denial, Rayan whispered desperately.
"Bhai, no please no. She will hate me. Please. Forget what I have said. I Was kidding, it was a joke!" Rayan said desperately, getting up, losing his breath to realize what he has done. "Bhai please, she will never give me a chance. We were never a thing, it meant nothing, it was nothing. She hates me already, it doesn't make any difference. You are a perfect guy for her" Rayan begged, coming to Emraz and holding him as he tried to leave. "I cannot gain one person to lose the other. You mean the world to me. I won’t be able to face myself if I marry her. I can't do it, Rayan, I am sorry." Emraz breathed out, wiping the tears in his eyes, pulling away from him and going. Rayan ran after Emraz with tears streaming down, holding his arm, "Please Bhai don't go. I was lying. I swear I was. It meant nothing. Don't go. She will be broken." He begged, cursing himself for losing the grip over himself for the first time and becoming selfish before his feelings.
"Bhai! Emraz Bhai!" Rayan called but Emraz just left with a smeared heart and heartache.
Falling on his knees with tears rolling down his face a growl caused havoc in his mind, ruining his already shattered state with unbearable suffering, the point of raze his feelings led him to.
What have I done?!
Present
"Isra.. I.. Couldn't suppress my feelings. If.. I hadn't confessed my feelings to Emraz Bhai... none of it would happen... but I swear, It was unintentional, I was ready to leave forever but.. ended up confessing... I am sorry...Isra I-" Rayan tried to speak, trying to justify his act but she couldn't believe it. The home she tried to build shattered for a second as she moved back, shaking her head in denial. "Isra, please. Isra listen to me, Isra-"
She ran away with her heart shattering by his uncontrollable zeal and concealed veracity
***
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