Maxi angrily rubbed her eyes. Though she wanted to do something wonderful for Riftan, she had neither the time nor the means. She recalled the bundle of her letters that he had kept. It occurred to her that she could have used the time she had spent writing those to create a memorable gift for him instead. Bitterly, she thought back to how she had deprived herself of sleep for months crafting letters she had not even been able to send in the end.
What if she would never be able to mend things with him? She shot to her feet and began pacing the length of the tent. Even if they returned to Anatol after the war, she doubted their relationship would revert to what it once was. And would they even be able to return home?
Suddenly, a suffocating fear seized her. She could not let him leave on such a dangerous mission without saying something, anything. Before she could organize her thoughts, she threw on her coat and left the tent.
A gale lashed at her face as she stepped outside. She waited momentarily for the wind to settle before treading through the snow. Evenings in the north felt a thousand times colder and darker than in the south. The nights were starless, and the relentless wind battered the camp day in, day out.
With whiffs of white vapor issuing from her mouth, Maxi glanced around. The night watch kept warm around braziers dotted around the camp. With the help of the glowing lights, it did not take long for her to spot the Remdragon Knights’ banner.
She was about to head toward it when a hand grabbed her shoulder. Startled, she turned around, and an apologetic voice said above her head, “Forgive me for startling you, my lady.”
Maxi relaxed as she recognized Ulyseon. “I-It’s all right. It was too dark to see you.”
“My apologies. I failed to consider that when I rushed after you.”
As if to allay her fears, Ulyseon took a few steps closer to the light. Maxi smiled when the firelight dimly illuminated the knight’s youthful features.
“Are you on the night watch again?”
“No, my lady. I was just inspecting the rear. If you tell me where you are headed, I shall gladly escort you.”
“Th-That won’t be necessary.”
Ulyseon’s face grew stern when she waved her hand with a troubled expression. “You should not roam the camp on your own, my lady. You might run into dangerous men.”
Maxi rolled her eyes. While that might be true of other camps, the soldiers of Livadon and Wedon regarded her with a mortifying level of deference. Nevertheless, she was in no mood to argue.
She nodded and said, “I wanted to go see Riftan.”
“Sir Riftan has gone to see the commander of the Temple Knights in his tent,” Ulyseon explained, pointing in the opposite direction of where she walked.
Maxi’s face clouded. “Wasn’t the last strategy meeting… the final one?”
After staring at the floor, Riftan spoke as if he were trying his best to sound gentle. “I’m not trying to be snide. I really mean it, so forget what I said yesterday.”
With that, he turned around and began walking out of the stable. Maxi felt her whole body freeze over. Why was he saying such things now, as if this meeting was their last?
Her stunned face crumbled, and she chased after him. She grabbed his arm and snapped, “H-How could you even think that?”
Riftan looked taken aback.
Maxi’s lips quivered, and her voice cracked as she forced out, “I-I was… only saddened by the fact that I made you so anxious. I hated knowing that I made you feel that way! If only… I had more faith in you… If only… I-I had been stronger… you wouldn’t have had to suffer like this.”
Her nose prickled, and she stopped as tears spilled down her cheeks. Clutching his clothes, she hung her head and said, “I-I wanted to change for your sake. I managed to do that b-because of you. I have always hated myself… but thanks to you cherishing the likes of me… I’ve finally come to like myself. I-It is because of you that I—”
The tremor in her voice grew worse as the emotions flooded her, and her face flushed. Though she had come to accept her impediment, she had never hated her stuttering tongue more than at this very moment. She wanted to be able to convey her feelings clearly, leaving no room for doubt.
She stared up at him through her tears. Riftan looked back at her in a daze. Was he truly unaware of how she felt?
Wiping her eyes on her sleeve, Maxi took out the hideous sword belt adornment from her bag. Though her face burned, she saw no point in keeping up appearances now.
“I-I will make something better for you when we go home,” she said, sniffling while tying the tassel to his belt. “I-I will practice… and make you the most beautiful charm in the world. When it gets worn… I’ll make you a new one. A-And when that needs replacing, I’ll make you another… I’ll keep making them for you, so—”
Maxi’s breath caught in her chest as Riftan dragged her behind a tent. Backing her up against a rock, he hoisted her off the ground and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She felt her tears trickle between their lips.
His firm hand cupped her head in place. Trapped between an icy boulder and his steel-like body, Maxi writhed like a helpless lamb. Fire coursed through her frozen limbs. He panted over her lips as he spoke, his voice hoarse.
“Swear to me.”
Dropping to a low whisper, he continued, “Swear that you won’t do anything reckless, that you will put your safety first at all times.”
Maxi bobbed her head, tears brimming in her eyes.
Riftan bit her lip. “Say it. Swear to me that you will not throw your life away.”
“I-I swear.”
Maxi let out a small sob as she pressed her lips to his, and when Riftan tightened his arms around her in a crushing embrace, she clasped back with all her strength.