I stopped on my track as the flashed of memory run throughout my mind..
"Alessandra needs me, my son needs me..."
I feel like I've been splashed by cold water when I heard what he said.
I quickly got off from the counter table and fixed my nighties.
"Yeah, of course they need you," I said in a shaky voice.
I forced myself to smile but my eyes can't hide the pain I'm feeling. I tried to escape from him, but he extend his arms at my both sides that caused me not to move much.
His head slightly tilted to peek at my face.
"Alessandra is in danger, her condition is getting worst. I'm worried that the child she's baring might also get affected," he whispered lowly.
I smiled bitterly. So this is a fight between life and death? What should I say? I would just look like I have no conscience if I try to push my right as his legal wife.
"W-What do you... want me to do, then?" My voice was shaking as I dropped my head.
He heaved a sigh. Even if I don't look at him, I know everything that's happening was also hard for him.
"I love you, Meredith. Since the day I saw you at the road, hurt and bleeding, is the day I know that my heart belongs to you."
He crouched down, caressing my chin softly and made me raise my head, "I don't know why my heart pounded loudly? This..." He put his right hand over his chest and looked at me darkly.
"I thought it was just nothing, but it turned out, there's more. As you stayed longer in that house, I became more comfortable with you."
His eyes became deep. His soft hands held on my face, more delicately and more gentle.
"Until, I woke up one day... One by one, the memories I forgot came flashing in my head... Including you..." His voice is now laced with sorrowful pain.
"I know I don't deserve you and all the pain that you've been through... and for losing our child." His voice sounded lower, his eyes sparkled as if stopping something.
"It hurts me more to see you hurt because of me." he said in a distant tone. My tears finally fell. How ironic this scene is.
He talked about what our real problems behind the curtains. It hurts to accept that my delusions and all the acts that we were fine will end here.
"Okay," I whimpered. I quickly covered my mouth to stop myself from sobbing.
"No, it's not okay, Meredith! It's you I'm talking about here, our marriage and our future!" he said sternly, the sadness in his eyes quickly vanished as it slowly showed anger.
"I know... but how am I supposed to believe you?! How could you even say that you love me and yet you couldn't fight for me?!"
He shook his head in front of me, "You don't understand, Meredith," he said under his breath.
"What the fuck, Zeki! What's not clear about that? You said you love me, but you can't be with me? Is that it?!"
"It's not what I meant..." It seemed like something was stopping him to continue what he want to say.
I weakly held his arm with tears in my eyes.
"I'm tired, Hezekiah! I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of fighting for you!" My knees almost fell if only I wasn't holding onto him.
I am at my limit. I don't want to force things. Because in the end, I will be the one in pain.
"That is why I'm here... with you because I'm choosing you..." He lowered down his head and looked at me evenly.
I saw his eyes sparkled with tears forming inside. He dropped his head and greeted my eyes for the last time.
"But I can't bare to lose another child," he said in a low tone. I saw his tears fell before he let me go.
I drank my drink while watching the waves crashing on the shore. I couldn't count how much I drank so I decided to go inside the cottage. I laid down my bed because of the dizziness I felt.
I smiled painfully, this is what I want, dazed and numb from all possible pains, because this is what I truly deserve...
I felt like the world was spinning even though I already closed my eyes. I know that dawn is still far, so the alcohol was still in my system.
I felt the cold breeze grazing on my exposed skin, so I reached for my blanket. But before I could even hold it, I felt someone covering it on me.
My vision were cloudy but I still tried to open my eyes to see who the man sitting beside my bed was. His body was silhouetted in the dark but I can clearly recognize his strong sharp jaw and wavy hair. His strong built and broad shoulders are so familiar to me...
"Hezekiah..." I whispered huskily. A bitter smile appeared on my lips before I closed my eyes.
The sun was already up when I woke up but what happened last night was still clear to me.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. No, it can't be him. How many times did I dreamt of that scene? Everytime I get drunk and possessed by the spirit of alcohol?
I slowly looked around the room. Nothing seemed to be weird or not in the right place so what I'm thinking was impossible.
I swept of my bed and took a bath, I planned to cook pinakbet for Aling Sita and deliver it to their house.
Before noon came, I already finished cooking. I put it on a tupperware and placed it inside a small basket.
Wearing a red dress, I took the path to the inner part of the island.
I looked around the tourists who were busy buying souvenirs and such along the lane full of small stalls. I stopped for a moment to look at the accessories to buy for Zuay, Tawin at for Mommy at Daddy.
I liked some of the bags, so I planned to buy it later on my way home.
"Good afternoon, Aling Sita?" The old lady stopped from hanging laundry when she saw me.
"Oh, it's you, Mary, come in!"
"I brought you pinakbet." I smiled and handed her the basket.
"Thank, Mary. You shouldn't have bothered."
"It's nothing, I couldn't consume all the vegetables you gave anyway," I said when I entered their house.
"You should eat lunch here instead, Domeng will come home soon," she uttered while being busy in the kitchen.
"Okay, no problem." I answered.
I roamed my eyes around the house. It was just a bungalow style and had simple decorations, but it was clean and spacious.
"Good afternoon, Mary! What brings you here?" I turned to Mang Domeng who just arrived with a plastic in his hand.
"I cooked the vegetables Aling Sita gave me yesterday." I stood up to show respect.
"Thank you for the food, here, I brought some fruits. Bring some home with you."
I immediately went to him and accepted the plastic of fruits. I almost salivated when I saw green mango and even yellow ones.
I stiffened for a bit and raised my head to him, "What date is today, Mang Domeng?" I said worriedly.
"It's the fifth of May, dear."
I gulped, I couldn't eat properly and even forgot to bring some fruits home.
My strides were big as I went into a drugstore and bought three pregnancy kits.
I ignored some of the employees looking at me because I'm too preoccupied about the fact that my menstruation is two months delayed.
"Thank you, Mrs. Grant," the chashier said.
I looked at her and smiled timidly. I quickly went out of the drugstore and walked back to the cottage.
I tried all the pregnancy kits but it all gave the same results.