- Say ‘him’
Deila's pov
The softness of the mattress was enough to make me sleep through the night like a babe.
Rolling awake on the bed, I realized just how much I missed my comfy bed, and I loved having it back. Not that the bed at my apartment in LA wasn't comfy, but this bed had something special that screamed home.
Stop the rants, you just missed home.
My subconscious was already at me this early in the morning.
The way I mated with my subconscious was almost alarming, but there was something more alarming. Something I worried would drive me crazy—that face. That face with an all too familiar name that flooded my dreams every night.
Dreaming about him was becoming a painful habit, I dreamt about him again. But I didn't want to think about it. I wouldn't allow myself, so I pushed it to the back of mind.
The morning went by fast, afternoon came with a whole lot of chilly wind.
In the garden, it was much more chilly, but it was my favorite place in the house so I wasn't going to allow the wind to deprive me of been there when I wanted to.
Thankfully, the *fluffy animal skin sweater I had on kept me from freezing. I ran my hands on it's the softness of the grass, basking in its greenness and smell of outdoor. I admired the bed of flowers at the side for a bit, sighing in defeat when the face and name I'd been trying not to think about kept popping.
Allowing my mind to wander, I shamelessly recalled my sweet dream or beautiful nightmare as I liked to term it. It was all so exasperating, dreaming about my fearsome desires.
The last dream I had of him, was one were he had taken me out for a cup of coffee and then things escalated.
In the dream, he'd crossed the table to tug me up then whispered in my ear a plea to let him love me, all I did was stare at his ocean blue eyes with my lips parted.
His eyes had dilated with intensity when he'd whispered for me to allow him to show me he couldn't breathe without me, I'd wet my dry lips and was going to reply when his lips grazed mine, softly. Swiftly. And I shuddered.
He'd pressed his lips to mine, so hard, taking my lips like his life depended on it. I kissed him with equal want. Mine seemingly stronger. I needed him. Wanted him.
Breaking the kiss to tell him how much I wanted him, I'd pressed my lower half to his hard-on.
The heat rose a higher degree when I wrapped my legs around his waist to cross them at his back as he picked me up.
'I want you so much that it hurts.' The husky sultry voice has been mine and I winced when I thought of how I sounded like a dog on heat. But it was just a dream, I chided myself.
'Then have me, babe. All of me.' He'd trailed the nape of my neck with his tongue as he lowered us to the bed. Our clothes came off like they were the most unwanted pieces in the world. Our breaths ragged as his fingers trailed down below my stomach.
We were about to do the deed in my beautiful nightmare, when rays of sunlight poured through the window, making me wince from the light. I wondered for a moment how we'd gotten from a restaurant to a bed, but then I remembered it was just a dream—It wasn't supposed to make sense.
But they did, the dreams were what I wanted but couldn't have. My fears couldn't let me have it, in the dream and in reality.
I'd woken up with my panties soaked and thinking about it, they'd gone damp. Again.
I muttered 'shame' to myself, still grazing my hands on the soft grassy field. Even though I lied to myself, I knew the truth was the opposite of what I'd muttered. I was shameless about those dreams. Nonetheless, the face had to stop invading my dreams and doing things to my head, but I feared it wouldn't.
"You got to stop acting like an old woman worrying about her extended family."
My entire body shook startled from the intrusion. Like a thief caught stealing, I hissed and looked away from the figure approaching.
"Dei? You didn't happen to steal my ears last night while I was asleep, did you?"
"You're worse than a cow, Dawn."
"Did I hear you correctly?" he asked, feigning a stern tone.
"You weren't supposed to, I stole your ears remember?" I rolled my eyes at him. "I told you never to scare me again." My tone wasn't a joking one, it irritated me when I got sneaked up on.
"You did, didn't you?" Tilting his head to the side, he made a sound at the back of his throat. "Well, it ain't dark out here. I never knew you still had your fears in daylight."
He had a point, but it still wasn't an excuse to sneak up on a person. I stood up from the field huffing as I used my hands to dust my pants for any trace of dirt.
"What do you want?"
"Well, well." he held his hands up in defense, wearing a smirk I'd give anything to wipe off. "I definitely do not want a fight."
"Good."
"But..." he trailed grinning skeptically. "It wouldn't hurt if you talk to about anything. Anything at all. So if there's anything disturbing my baby sister, I'd like for her to know I'm here for her." He held my eyes in concern, "I can be a friend if you need one, sis."
"Not at all." I shrugged trying to hide my aww smile. "What problem could I've? I'm obviously well and healthy."
My elder brother had just been caring, and struggling with to hide my smile was nothing compared to the leaping of my heart. Not that Dawn wasn't usually caring, but he had his own way of showing it— with annoying teases, sneaking up on me, and whatnot. This could easily be the first time he said something sweet to me.
"There's one problem there could be." he winked.
Okay, back to his actual self, I thought.
"Which is?"
"Him."
"What him?" I asked innocently.
I knew he knew. We both knew what or who he was referring to. The 'him' was his best friend and he knew I still had him in my head.
Dawn knew the history I had with James, and he also knew I couldn't call his name from my mouth. So the essence of symbolism...two could play the game. Let him be him for now.
He turned my face to him. "You know who I'm talking about. It's in your power to do something and I get this feeling you want to," he said and then left.
Leaving me in awe. Leaving me in shock. In uncertainty. What did he mean by in my power to do something?
The answer hung in the air. Deep within me, I knew what he meant.
I left the garden in what I couldn't discern if it was a better mood or a worse one.
"Good afternoon to you too!' my mum yelled as I passed her, walking into the kitchen.
"Good afternoon, mum." I smiled innocently. "Don't blame me for not greeting first. You all ate already and I'm starving." I searched for a bag of chips and my stomach rumbled when I found one.
"You didn't come down for breakfast and we just finished lunch. You still haven't gotten over skipping a meal." She gave me a stern look that told me she wasn't going to let her disapproval go unacknowledged.
"Okay, okay." I shrugged. "I'll try to do better."
"Fortunately for you, you've got a killer body that doesn't tell if you aren't eating or if you're eating too much. Unlike I who go fat when I eat two more plates of bacon and go thin when I skip my toast," Sia imputed breathing exasperatedly.
"Of course, she takes after her mother." Mum walked to where I rested on the kitchen counter, took a chip from the bag I held and patted Sia as she walked past her.
"I always knew I was adopted," she groaned.
"Don't be silly. You know you have a killer body, you just want me to say you should sign up with a modeling agency as I always do." My mum rolled her eyes and Sia smiled knowingly.
I silently giggle at their exchange as I continued to munch on my chips.
"Dei, I'm sorry there's no toast left. You know how much of a consumer your brother is," mum told me.
Yeah, I know. He could swallow the world in a minute. Of course, I didn't say that out loud, I was too hungry.
"All good, mum. I know my big brother." I made sure to place emphasis on the word 'big'.
"Speaking of the big boy." She turned toward the dining. "Dawn?"
"Yes, mama." I figured he was approaching the kitchen, and just then he hovered on the door frame.
"Did you send the invitations to the Martins' already?"
My heart skipped.
Say no. Please, say no. Say they're on a business trip or something. Just say a particular Martin won't make it, I prayed.
When Dawn turned to me with a smirk on his face, I knew my prayers weren't answered.
"Yes mum, I did that immediately you asked me to." The answer was for mum, but he was still facing me directly because he knew.
He knew what he'd said would unsettle me. He knew I couldn't face the Martins', or maybe a particular Martin. I couldn't and I wouldn't.
I inhaled knowing despite all I said I couldn't make a good excuse to pass on the pre-wedding dinner. What am I going to do?
"Do what?"
I turned to my mum with a questioning look and flushed when I realized I'd said it out loud.
"Nothing, mum. It's a song." I started humming to a song that didn't exist... well, until now.
"He's going to be here," I heard a whispered. Dawn.
I didn't realize when he left the door frame and walked close enough to whisper to me.
"Who?" I kept my voice low.
He chuckled. "Get ready, sis. You guys can't run away from each other forever," he said, kissed my cheek and turned to walk away.
"Work on your rap!" I yelled at his retreating figure.
He didn't reply, but I knew he heard me. I could almost feel him staring at me with a cocky smirk.
Dad walked into the kitchen, struggling to undo his tie."What rap?"
"Oh, dad! You are back." I hugged him because I needed it.
"Yes, baby."
"Good afternoon, honey," mum greeted at the same time walking to us. She stretched up and kissed him and I and Sia made a sound at the back of our throats when he held unto her waist and didn't let her go.
When he finally let her go, he dipped his hand into my bag of chips, propping one or two into his mouth and I just munched in silence.
Once I was done, I went into the bathroom to shower and knew immediately my eyes landed on the tub that I wasn't going to have just a shower.
I soaped, rinsed up, but couldn't drag myself out from under the shower.
Starring lost into space, I recalled what Dawn had earlier said to me, He's going to be there. You can't run away from each other forever.
I had no idea why the 'each other' there meant... could he also be thinking of ways to avoid seeing me? Probably, I didn't expect him to be the slightest bit of happy to see me.
What was there to be happy about? He probably moved on and didn't even know if I existed, I concluded.
I on the other hand still knew of his existence and wanted to avoid him. But I couldn't, if he didn't pop at the pre-wedding dinner then he'd at the wedding. It couldn't be that bad to see him after all, could it? I thought, stepping out of the tub and wrapping my hair in a small towel then my body in a bigger one.