After we got home, Gino carried me to our bedroom. I didn't notice any more, because exhausted as I was, I fell asleep soundly in his arms and only woke up again when the bright midday sun shone through the window and blinded me slightly.
"Gino?" I whispered with my eyes closed, but I didn't get an answer. I blinked a few times tiredly and turned to the other side, but I seemed to be alone, which was kind of a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Since I still felt powerless, I decided to just go back to sleep, but then noticed something crackling when I tried to pull his pillow against my body and saw a note on it.
Curious, I took it in my hand and read with one eye that he had business to do and would only be back in the evening. If I needed anything I should tell Enzo.
Somehow I thought it was nice that he had left me a note, but on the other hand there wasn't a single kind word, which disappointed me slightly. At least he could have written "Good morning duck" or something similar.
"Oh man, now you want to be called a duck," I whispered to myself, running my hand over my face while stretching my body and yawning profusely.
I rolled over again and tried to go back to sleep when there was a knock on the door. At first I thought I should just ignore it, but after Enzo immediately rushed to my hospital last night, I found that thought unfair and raised my upper body, immediately realizing that Gino had put one of his black shirts on me.
"Yes?" I called to the door and when it opened, I didn't see Enzo, but Dario, who was holding a cup and eyeing me with concern.
"What do you want here?" I immediately asked, slightly upset. Not because I remembered Enzo's or Nunzio's words, but because I knew he would throw me into chaos again just by being there. I didn't want to and couldn't do that to Gino again. Not after everything that has happened between us in the meantime.
"Get you some tea," he explained calmly as ever, coming around the bed to place the cup on the bedside table, staring into my eyes. "How are you?"
"Excellent," I replied, avoiding his beautiful blue eyes to stare stubbornly at the door. Every second lost in them was one too many.
"I'll bring you something to eat in a moment."
"Where's Enzo?" I turned to him again and he just looked at me blankly like he almost always did.
"With Nicolo at the driving school. We are alone."
My head immediately started imagining things, which I quickly suppressed, while luckily for me, Dario ran back to the door, where he paused for a moment. Basically I wanted nothing more than to talk to him, to be near him, but at the same time I knew how wrong it was all. This constant turmoil was probably also a reason why my body no longer felt healthy. How could he, when my psyche was so messed up?
"Pancakes?" Dario asked and I couldn't resist giving him a challenging look.
"Aren't they too unhealthy? We don't want your watch to suffer from it," I said calmly and he immediately looked at me intently, as if he couldn't believe what I had just said.
I didn't believe it myself.
"Don't provoke me, Ludovica!" he retorted in a firm voice and I didn't know why, but I had become more confident towards him. Maybe you could have called it suicidal.
"Oh. I can be provoked and used, but you don't allow that?"
"You can't imagine how much I would love to take control of you just for your provocative manner! Besides, I haven't used you once for my purposes!"
And that's it for my self-confidence. His sparkling blue eyes. His deep, menacing voice. His steady way of speaking. It all suddenly seemed so engaging and dominant to me that I blushed, speechless, and looked down at my hands, which lay motionless in my lap, annoyed at myself.
"From your rosy cheeks and your sudden silence, I can see only too well that you can probably imagine it after all."
I looked up at him in disbelief, recognizing his triumphant smile and then after he left the room, I rolled my eyes in frustration at myself and my stupid behavior.
This thing that was going on between me and Dario was just there and hard to suppress and it annoyed me beyond measure! In the beginning it was still compatible with my conscience, but not anymore now that Gino made every effort to treat me well.
"Just ignore it," I told myself, carefully getting out of bed and padding slowly into the bathroom.
As soon as I switched on the light, I looked at myself in the mirror, startled, because I didn't recognize myself at all. As if I were a ghost trapped in this pale shell that was slowly but surely not working properly anymore.
The bandage around my neck looked gray. My dark circles were more pronounced than ever and even my black hair had lost its shine.
With tears in my eyes, I turned on the tap and washed my face with the pleasantly cold water, only to look in the mirror again afterwards.
"I'm not," I told myself, remembering how I was before I was kidnapped and humiliated.
I was strong, I beat my uncle every day, and I was in control of even the more dominant guys in my circle of friends. Like with Nicolo in the park, that reflected me. Not the Ludovica I was with Gino and Dario. She was fake, could be controlled and bent, but that was over now, because I had no intention of losing myself under her influence any longer.
I left the bathroom resolutely, exchanged Gino's boxer shorts for fresh underwear and his shirt for a dark bra, and then took out the most beautiful dress from the clothes rail.
It was white, with slight waves of pink folds. No deep neckline, only on the back and below it fell to above my knees. Perfect!
I put it on, padded back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, then used some water to lightly style my hair. I would have loved to have had some make up, but I guess I had to live with the pale skin and the circles under my eyes today, so I made my way downstairs, still slightly unsteady on my legs.