After half a day and a whole night's worth of thinking, Qi Le had long calmed down. Strictly speaking, he had spent most of his time drinking and then sleeping, while the rest was used to look for food. However, whatever little spare time he had left was enough for him to understand the situation.
He had always been in poor health. When he was little, no one wanted to play with him. Only Gu Bai had willingly accompanied him and didn't allow him to be bullied by anyone. They had spent all their time together until they both grew up. Both their parents were busy with their businesses. It wouldn't be a lie to say that they had been living so closely together for the past few years to the point that they were inseparable.
Due to his physical condition, Gu Bai took good care of him in all aspects. He remembered a classmate in high school once joked that Gu Bai's role was equal to part father, part mother, part daughter-in-law, part husband, full time nanny and full time bodyguard. Although what that person had said was a little exaggerated and was later taught a lesson by Gu Bai, he had to admit that there were some grounds to his statement. That's why, Gu Bai was even closer to him than any relative or family member.
Yesterday’s incident did hit him hard, but when he thought about it carefully, he suddenly remembered that more than a month before his operation, he had told Gu Bai that he had never been in love in his life, and it would be a pity if the operation failed. Then, a few days later, Xiao Ying came to look for him.
Xiao Ying had always been gentle, and for the longest time, she was the only girl he had been in contact with. He felt a certain affection for her so the two had decided to get together. During their month of dating, the most they did was hold hands. They hadn't even gotten to the point of blushing, pounding heartbeats and fierce passion. In retrospect, he wasn't even sure whether it was love or not, but he was sure of one thing – although Gu Bai and Xiao Ying had lied to him, they did it because they didn't want him to have any regrets.
After thinking through this, he suddenly felt enlightened and wasn't angry at all. But he didn't expect to meet Gu Bai in the cemetery today. He couldn't help but wonder what was this man doing here so early. Was he here to repent? That didn't make sense at all. He struggled for a long time before deciding to go over and take a look. He was curious about what the man would say to his tombstone so walked faster and faster until he finally drew close, but then, he froze.
Gu Bai was crying.
They had known each other for so long. From the time they knew to be sensible up until now – for over ten years – he hadn't seen this man cry. But now he was crying. Although there was only a shallow trail of tears on his face, which had almost dried up, it was still noticeable.
Gu Bai sat in front of his tombstone with several bottles of beer beside him. He noticed someone approaching and looked up. Then, he turned away again and said nothing.
Qi Le was almost shocked to tears. The person before him had bloodshot eyes; he obviously didn’t come in the morning, but had been here for some time since yesterday.
I'm not so small-minded am I? I can totally accept white lies. You don't have to go so far, buddy…. Or are you are too lonely because I'm dead? That's not right, you still have Xiao Ying ah. Was there any other reason?
Qi Le sat down in a daze and placed the white chrysanthemums in front of the tombstone. He turned to look at Gu Bai's gaunt face and only felt a deep ache in his heart. He was about to speak when Gu Bai asked him, “Do you know Xiao Le? I didn't know he knew anyone from the circle?”
“…” Qi Le said, “…..Huh?”
Gu Bai looked at him. “You're Zheng Xiaoyuan, aren't you? The one in the circle that everyone knows."
Qi Le, “……”
Fucking hell! People in the circle knew him, girls knew him, and now even Gu Bai had heard of him. Why the hell hadn't he ever heard the name, "Zheng Xiaoyuan" before he died? And why the hell didn't Gu Bai tell him about the "wonderful" existence of such an idiot? This really didn't make sense ah!
Eh? Wait a minute……… Qi Le couldn’t help narrowing his eyes. Gu Bai had hidden the fact that he knew about Zheng Xiaoyuan from him. Was there other things he had also kept from him? Perhaps there was a secret he didn’t know?
Gu Bai looked at the beer bottles on the ground and found that there were still two bottles left. He handed over a bottle and asked, “Would you like a drink?"
Qi Le took it and opened it without saying anything, then asked, “Have you been sitting all night?”
“No.”
Qi Le blinked in disbelief, “Half the night?”
“Nope.”
“Then how long?”
Gu Bai turned to look at him, “Is it any of your business?”
Buddy, I have already been dead for more than ten days. Even my parents have moved away. Why are you still doing this? I just want to know why. If it was just guilt, Laozi will forgive you with a wave of my hand, if it’s not guilt……. of course, I have to find out what it is.
“I'm just casually asking,” Qi Le tried his luck. “I know you guys were friends. He certainly wouldn't want to see you so sad. You can’t resurrect the dead, why are you torturing yourself like this? I don’t think you've ever let him down in any way, because I've heard him say that you were the one who's always taken good care of him. Or could it be you've done something wrong? Or is there something you want to tell him but didn't get the chance to?” He scooted over towards Gu Bai's side and gently encouraged him, “Mmm, if there is, you can tell him now. You can count that as making up for your regrets, what do you think?"
Gu Bai didn't answer; he merely stared at him.
Qi Le put on an innocent face, “What’s wrong?”
“You're different from how you usually are.”
Qi Le broke out in cold sweat and quickly laughed it off, “Really? I don’t think so, haha……. You really don't have anything you want to say to him?"
Gu Bai sized him up and down but didn't delve into the matter. He looked at the picture on the tombstone and said, “Not anymore. I've said whatever I wanted to say a few days ago."
“Fuck!…….” Qi Le cussed unhappily, I was too late!
His voice was too soft to be heard. Gu Bai turned to look at him, “What?”