They were gone for a while. Doris watched the sun come up but didn't see it fully raise before she fell asleep on Enzo's couch. As a maid, she would have normally been appalled at herself for potentially staining the couch with the amount of blood on her clothes. Now, she felt numb to it all. To any sort of thought that required her to listen to someone or take orders. How would she ever be that way again?
When she opened her eyes, it must have been hours later. The sun was low again and the fire had dimmed to a slow burn. Enzo sat in a chair across from her with his eyes fixed on the dying flames. He looked deep in thought, she wondered if he was here to punish her for killing one of his own. As if he felt her eyes on him, he looked over at her.
"Doris, how are you feeling?" He asked as he sat up from his slouched position. Doris lifted the heavy blanket that was draped around her and pushed it off. She still wore the bloodied clothes that reminded her it wasn't a dream. She really did take someone's life, didn't she?
When she said nothing, he stood to pour some tea for her. "It was a stupid question, of course you're not okay." He placed the cup in her hands and she let the heat unthaw her fingers that still felt like ice. She didn't think it was possible to ever get used to this sort of cold that chilled her bones. Enzo pulled the chair closer to sit near her. "I want you to take the cabin next to mine. I'll be able to hear you if you... if you need me."
"Is this going to be a nightly event?" Doris asked numbly. She set down the cup without taking a single sip. Her stomach didn't feel as if it could handle anything in it.
"No, I will make sure of that." Enzo said with a dark tone. Doris wasn't sure she believed him this time. It was hard to trust anyone but herself anymore. Now that she had blood on her hands, she knew she would never be the same.
"Do you know where Prince William is?" Doris asked as she rubbed some of the blood off her hands. In her mind, she saw his moody face. She imagined he would've killed those men for hurting her. Wouldn't he? Or was she only delusional?
"No, we haven't heard of his recent location but I will let you know the moment we do. Are you wishing to go back to the palace with him?"
"Yes. I wasn't treated the best there, but I was much safer than I am here." Doris pushed her long hair back behind her shoulders. She felt disgusting, every ounce of her was rotten. She wished she could peel off her skin and step into a new body.
"I know you may have a hard time believing me, but I assure you that no one will lay a finger on you after tonight." Enzo leaned towards her. He went to reach out his hand, but thought better of it.
"Tonight. You mean the full moon?"
"In the north, we celebrate every full moon. I originally had plans to make tonight more fun but after what happened-things changed." Enzo scratched his jaw with his alert eyes on her.
"In what way? Are you going to cancel the-party or whatever it is you do?"
"No, it's not cancelled. There'll still be a gathering, it just won't be fun. Before the wolves take over our bodies, I have something in mind involving those that wished you harm." Enzo opened his coat and took out something flat wrapped in leather. He placed it in her hands gently as if he was trying not to scare her off. "Will you be my guest of honor?"
Doris unwrapped the leather and saw her own reflection shine back at her in a sharp dagger. It had small flowers engraved on the hilt and was small enough to wear on a belt. She looked back up at him with a question in her gaze.
"You should have been given a weapon the first night you came here, especially after what you've been through. I was a fool for not arming you sooner, I hope you can forgive me for it."
Doris lifted the blade and lightly trailed her fingers across the medal. It was beautiful for something so deadly. "This is for me to have?"
"Of course, if you'll take it. It's yours to use as you need." Enzo leaned back a little in his chair. "It does have many uses other than stabbing others. For instance, you can cut up food or clear your nails. Be careful, though. I once slit my finger open when the blade was too sharp."
"I don't even know how to use a blade." Doris set it down and covered it with the leather again.
"Oh, there's nothing to it. You point and stab. Really, there's not much else to say."
Doris rolled her eyes, Enzo only laughed. "No, I mean-I've never really... had a weapon of my own. Not even at the palace, it's against the rules to let servants have a blade."
"Ah, but again-you're not at the palace, are you? You're in the dangerous north and you need something like this to keep under your pillow or I worry you'll never find peace to sleep again."
Something about his words sounded sad. Doris clenched the gift in her hands tightly. Enzo continued, "If you want to throw it away the instant you leave this place, you're more than welcome to. But it would make me feel better if you kept this with you until you were safe at least."
"Thank you, Enzo. I mean it." Doris whispered. He only shook his head.
"Don't waste those words on me. I had some clothes delivered for you, they're in my bathing chamber. Take as long as you need and come find me when you're done."
Doris watched as Enzo stood and left his cabin for her own use. He gestured for her to lock the door once he closed it. She practically ran across the room to do just that-and then double checked that it was closed and locked tight. She went to each of the windows just to unlock and lock them again. She paced the room so many times before she finally went to wash all of the blood and gore from her skin.
It was hard to remind herself that she needed air, that she needed to live when the water tried to pull her under and offer an eternal release. While she sat and scrubbed at her skin, she silently prayed that every minute in the tub would allow her to scrub away everything she'd been through. Each day she came out more and more damaged, she wanted to be brand new again. She wanted to be the maid at the palace that was too afraid to look others in their eyes and hid in the corners so no one would see her.
That maid felt further away from her, almost as if she didn't exist anymore.
When she finally emerged from his cabin in a new set of winter clothes, she felt more detached than ever. Almost as if she was walking beside herself rather than actually being there. Eliza rushed towards Doris with Enzo close behind, she wrapped a thick shawl around her shoulders.
"Oh, you poor dear. You shouldn't be out here, why don't we go get you something to eat while I look at your wounds?"
"I'm fine," Doris said. Her fingers touched the blade at her side as if reminding herself it was there. Enzo seemed pleased that she decided to wear it, but she didn't really have a choice. Apparently, danger loved to follow her even in the smallest corners of the world.
"Well, you'll at least have to let me help you get dressed for tonight." Eliza said with a kind smile.
"I'll just wear this, Eliza. Thank you, though."
Eliza threw a glance over at Enzo beside her. "You'll be the guest of honor, Doris-"
"She can wear what she wants, Eliza. Her attire is the last thing that matters at a time like this." Enzo said. He put his hand on Doris's lower back and led her away from the gathering crowd. They all looked at her with a bit of pity in their eyes, she hated it. She hated being the victim again.
She noticed they avoided the path that led to the center of the village-or camp. He purposefully led her down towards the frozen lake again and she was glad for the distraction.
"What's so special about tonight anyway?" Doris asked as they seated on the same log they did the day before.
Enzo tossed her a bit of a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Tonight will be the end of their rebellion towards me."