Panic attack
Evans
What the Hell? How did the paparazzi find out about this?
“That’s impossible. No one knows about that besides you and me,” I tell Murphy,why My stomach rolls and I feel sick. I thought this was all behind us, far in the past, where I wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt and shame again. I glance up and take a calming breath, but the bright lights in my office are starting to make me feel dizzy. I reach into the mini fridge under my desk, grab a bottle of water, and gulp it down in four huge plugs. Then I put my head on my desk.
Oh my God, am I having a panic attack?
I unbutton my shirt cuffs and collar. It’s too hot here.
Breathe, Evans. Deep breaths. Inhale.
“Clearly somebody else knows. Are you sure you didn’t tell anyone else? Elena maybe?”Murphy’s arms are folded across his chest and he looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. My breath catches as I think of something.
“I told Ciara. A long time ago. After her friend’s wedding we were having this really long talk, and I just told her everything.” My forehead starts to sweat.
“She must have said something,” Murphy groans. “Maybe to one of the reporters? Maybe to a friend back home? Something.” He stands and starts pacing back and forth in front of my desk, wringing his hands. My eyes follow the impression his feet are making in the carpet, and I start to feel dizzy again.
I pull a face. I find that hard to believe. “I know Ciara. I love her. She would never do that.” There’s no way that she would ever hurt me or our little family. I’m not even sure she has that many friends back home. Maybe that’s Murphy’s point—that I don’t know her that well, but still . . . she was so naive when I met her, she didn’t even know who I was at first. I’m sure she wouldn’t know the first thing about tipping off a photographer or a tabloid.
I know her. I know her like the back of my hand.
“I hate to say it, but how can you be so sure? I mean everybody loves her, but let’s be honest—maybe you don’t know her as well as you think.” With a huff,Murphy sits back down.
“I know her well enough to trust her.” My hands are shaking; I’m so upset.
“I think you should look into it. The last thing we need right now is for our past to make the news. Caroline’s collection is about to debut and your wedding is right around the corner. We don’t want any bad press,”Murphy says. “Or even for the rest of the family to find out…we can’t let this happen. It would ruin our entire family, Evans.” I see a flash of pain across Murphy’s face.
“I’ll look into it,” I agree. “I’m sure it’s not Ciara, but I’ll find out who it is.”
After Murphy leaves, our lunch plans are abandoned, I put my head on my desk. I love Ciara, and I don’t want this to drive another wedge into our relationship. How can I bring this up without sounding like I’m accusing her of breaking my confidence? I do really trust Ciara. After all, I’m going to marry her. I expect her to be—I need her to be— my rock for the rest of my life. I have to get to the bottom of this.
Ciara
I return from the mom’s group with a smile on my face. It wasn’t what I expected at all, but in a good way. I haven’t had a group of girlfriends in so long—maybe ever, if I’m being honest with myself. In college I was so busy with homework and my job, I didn’t have much time for friends. Maybe this is my chance to finally be part of a group. I picture us at the park with our kids, sharing school drop-off and pick-ups, taking vacations together…I hum a little Alfred as I imagine the future with my new friends.
As I reach the house, I pull out my phone to check the time, wondering how long until Evans returns from his lunch. I can’t wait to tell him how well the group went. I have to thank Luis, too; if it wasn’t for him, I never would’ve found this group. And I should call Shonda. It would be nice to see her one-on-one. I can tell she’s already seen a lot in her life, maybe I can learn a few things from her. Lost in my mental to-do list, I open the front door and walk inside—and nearly shriek in surprise.