The sun is shining and birds are singing as I walk back home from the diner, but I barely notice the beautiful weather. My mind is in knots and I can’t stop worrying about what I said to Luis. When will I learn to think before opening my big mouth?
I keep patting Alfred’s head for comfort, but it’s not working. For a moment, I wonder if there’s anyone I can talk to and unburden myself. What if I call my mom? But I can’t tell her about this. I can’t tell Flora either. I can’t tell anyone. It would sound like I’m some desperate housewife who wants to have an affair. That would have been a good story to share with the moms.
So Cindy, last week after you bored everyone with your story about your Soul Cycle class, I ran into an old friend from college, literally. I forgot how hot he looked in a tank top and mentally admired his muscles, and then we went to a diner and I lied about my engagement.
I can’t help but groan at the thought, causing an older couple passing by to give me a very strange look. But I don’t care. I can’t believe I lied to Luis about Evans. “Just a friend?” I regretted it immediately after it came out of my mouth, but by then it was too late to take it back. How would that sound, correcting myself? “Gee, Luis, that actually wasn’t just a friend, it was my fiancé and the father of my child whom I’m supposed to marry soon.” Luis would think I’m some sort of psycho for lying like that.
I pause and take a deep, refreshing breath of September air. Luis is a laid-back guy; maybe I can just explain the situation next time I see him, and he’ll find it amusing. But what if he thinks that I’m like those other housewives at his job, hitting on him because I have nothing better to do?
Maybe it’s best if I just avoid him. After all, what are the chances that I’ll run into him again? It was a complete fluke that we crossed paths today. I lean down to give Alfred a kiss on the cheek and tickle him under the chin. “Your mommy is a very silly lady,” I tell him in a sing-song voice, making him smile.
I’m feeling a bit calmer as I turn onto our street, wondering if Evans will be home for dinner tonight, when my phone beeps with a text.
Oh my god. It’s from Luis. I open the message with trepidation.
Nice to see you. Maybe we can run into each other again soon?
What am I supposed to do now? God, why is my life so complicated? It would be awkward to see him again, knowing I lied. He was a really nice guy in college, and he still seems like one, but I just can’t do it.
I sigh. It’s decided: I’m going to have to ghost him. I can’t deal with the awkwardness, and there’s no need to make things worse.
I’m distracted and still staring at my phone as I unlock my front door and walk into the foyer.
“Hello, Ciara.”
I gasp in surprise. “Evans? What are you doing at home?”
Evans is sitting in one of the chairs in the foyer, clearly waiting for me to return. He’s never home this early. I tuck my phone into my pocket as Evans smiles at Alfred, who has just begun fussing because he’s hungry.
“It’s good to see you, but you startled me,” I say to Evans, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.
“Sorry,” Evans says, kissing me back quickly. “I thought I’d come home and check on you since the mom group was a bust. I know I haven’t been around much in the evenings lately, so I thought this would be a nice surprise.”
“That’s so sweet. Thanks.” I smile at Evans gratefully.
I start to unstrap Alfred and Evans comes around to help. “I’ll feed him,” he says, walking Alfred into the kitchen and singing him a silly song. “How’s my hungry little man?” he coos. I pause for a minute to listen to Evans interacting with Alfred who has quit fussing and is giggling and babbling. It warms my heart to know how much Evans loves his son. He’s a great father. I can only hope that Evan’s work won’t keep him too busy as Alfred grows up so the two can share more moments like these.
I walk upstairs to our bedroom to change my clothes, ready to shed the remnants of everything that happened earlier. I see the dress and leather jacket from this morning still hanging in my closet and my guilty conscience returns. Evan’s face totally lit up when he saw our son just now. How could I have lied to Luis about him? It was wrong. I take off my jeans and blouse and throw on leggings and a sweatshirt. Alfred tends to be messy, and I don’t want to be in nice clothes. I head back downstairs and into the kitchen. Evans is making silly faces and noises as Alfred giggles.
Evans deserves better than what I did. He deserves truth and honesty.
I’m so ashamed I can barely look at him and our son. Bellina walks into the kitchen and I greet her, trying to sound as normal as possible.
“It’s time for Alfred’s bath,” she says, smiling. She lifts him out of the highchair and heads upstairs, humming a song as she goes. I take a deep breath, telling myself not to be a coward. I have to face Evans.
I turn to him, trying to figure out what to say now that we’re alone. But before I can start, Evans smiles at me.