I kept looking down the hallway behind me, but Esteban was nowhere to be seen. I still didn't know exactly how I should feel about him, but I didn't have time to think about it any longer either.
"So, sit down my beauty."
Pablo finally let go of me when he got to his office and locked the door behind him, which made my heart race.
I knew him well enough now to know what was going on inside him.
"Love," he then whispered my name, pointing again to the brown wooden chair in front of his large desk, on which stood the small lamp that only gave little light in the already gloomy room. "Do you remember how we met?"
As he asked me this question, he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and gave me his mad look, smiling at the same time, but also tearing you up with his eyes.
"Yes," I breathed softly and slowly lowered myself into the chair, avoiding his eyes and looking down at my hands shaking with fear.
"I still remember it like it was yesterday," he said in a deep voice, sitting down on the edge of his table in front of me. "I remember exactly how you wrote to me on the internet. I remember exactly how you first told me about your stepfather and how at some point you could only sleep if I stayed on the phone all night. You were so fragile, my sweet little love," he breathed, smiling, and used his hand to push my chin up so I had to look into his eyes, which seemed so filled with hate it took my breath away.
He was such a narcissist that his acting skills bordered on perfection. You never knew what was going to happen next with this man...
"And do you remember how I then promised you a new life? How I swore to take care of you if you came to me?"
I nodded and immediately a soft smile appeared on his lips, but it was more of an illusion than anything else about him.
"Then tell me one thing, my beauty. Didn't I always treat you like my queen? Didn't I dismiss all other women for you and lift you up? Didn't I save you from that monster that snuck into your room every night? "
His voice grew louder with each word, and when he let go of my chin, leaned on the table, and unbuckled his pants, I knew it was that time again. There was no turning back now and I just had to endure it.
"Then why are you like this to me? After everything I've done for you? Do you honestly think anything in life is free?"
He spoke very calmly and the calmer he seemed, the more my entire body began to tremble. Frozen, almost dazed, I only forced myself to focus on one point on the dark floor, but his voice kept pulling me out of my drift into another world.
Then, when he lashed the belt with full force on the desk in front of me, I flinched so violently that I screamed and jumped up at the same time, prompting him to grab my neck and press me against the wall behind me.
"Love," he whispered so lovingly that it scared me even more, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "What did Esteban want from you?" he then asked with a trembling voice.
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't get a sound out, if only because his grip on my neck was getting tighter and tighter.
"Answer!!!" he then yelled in my face and slammed into the wall next to me, making me jump again.
"He wanted to know how much I cost," I blurted out quietly and with a trembling voice, but he just laughed and for a short time squeezed my entire breath, which made me grab his hand in panic. It was a terrible feeling that I would never forget.
"Lie to me one more time and I'll deface you so badly no man will ever look at you again! I know my brother and he hasn't stared at a woman longer than necessary in 10 years since his first love abandoned him .He would never get involved with a whore like you!"
"Ic- ...c.. kri-..."
He let go of me and only then did my lungs immediately fill with oxygen again. I was scared to death and looked at him in terror as he rolled the belt around one of his hands.
"He wanted to know what happened to Ronald, that's all! Really... You have to believe me," I pleaded in a panic, walking over to put my trembling hands on his cheeks. "It's the truth. Really," I said in a rage and only thought that I had to calm him down, otherwise the greatest pain of my life would come to me. I would not endure that again.
"Who do you love?" he then asked coldly, looking deep into my eyes.
"You, only you," I replied, and he immediately tugged at my hair, causing me to let my head fall back a bit, whimpering.
"You wouldn't make anyone happy anyway, you know that, right?"
"Yes," I breathed immediately, feeling his hand on my pants while he grabbed my hair a little tighter.
"Ohhh, my beautiful love," he breathed, letting go of my hair to rip my jeans off my shaking legs. "I know I didn't pay enough attention to you, but we'll fix that," he whispered, jerking my shoulders violently to force my torso onto the wooden table.
And that was the moment when I distanced myself from my existence for a short time. I felt him painfully penetrate me, staring lost at the door and not moving anymore, while every thrust from him took a part of my soul with it.
His moans got louder and faster and my body felt more and more alien to me until my thoughts flew to his words and agreed with him.
No one would ever really care about me anyway... Who would want a woman like that... I only had him... He loved me...
When at some point, and I didn't know how long it was, he let go of me and put my pants back on, I just lay trembling on the table.
I was like in a trance, although he really did save me then. But now I thought putting up with my stepfather would have been easier.
"And one more thing," he then pulled me up by my hair, causing my breathing to stop again. "If you leave me, I'm going to make Josh's life miserable. You mean something to the little one, don't you? So be a good girl and work like I taught you..."
After that, he let go of me and left the office while I sat down on the floor, trembling, with no way out.
I crouched on the hard floor in tears and remembered my early days with Pablo.
When I saw his picture on this dating site, with the fancy shirt and the amazing eyes, I was basically blown away. I wrote to him and opened up to him more and more. To the extent that I even told him about my stepfather's rape... He was so understanding, was always there for me and then even offered me to move in with him...
I loved him and needed him and nothing could stop me from packing my bag and coming here.
But then this man changed...
The initial sex full of tenderness turned into an act of abuse. His »I love you« became »Be thankful that you at least have me« and I became a whore....
I wiped my tear-streaked face powerlessly and then took a deep breath.
What should I do?
If I told Reahlyn, he'd probably blow his head off, but wouldn't I have to be with him forever out of gratitude?
Pablo was right. Nothing was given for free and I certainly didn't have the courage or strength to kill him myself, so I did the only thing that protected me and Josh.
I wiped away my tears, stifled new ones and then got up on shaky legs to collect myself briefly. Then I ran out of the office, holding myself weakly to the wall again and again and fled to my dressing room, only to drop down on the chair there again.
It wasn't the first time he'd abused me like that, but it got worse each time. It's like a part of me really dies every time.
A sudden knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts and I immediately jumped up, clutching my arms around my torso.
"What happened to you?"
Josh looked at me wide-eyed, but I said nothing. I felt like I was underwater, unable to take a deep breath and all I could see was Pablo doing something to him.
That should never happen!
"Nothing," I stuttered, biting my bottom lip in shame, but Josh didn't look like he bought it.
"Pablo, right?" he said his name and was about to turn away from me with an angry look when I immediately held him back in panic.
"Leave it," I begged in a trembling voice, but he pulled away from me. "Josh, please!" I got louder, but he was already standing in the doorway. Only fear flooded through me. Fear for him, fear for me and then I saw his crying mother in front of my eyes.
"Josh!" I yelled in desperation one last time, yanking him back into the dressing room by the collar of his black t-shirt, slamming the door in his face.
"Love, I'll give him-"
I cut him off by putting my lips on his, thinking only of forcing him to stay like this. Josh would never prove himself against Pablo...
He immediately broke the kiss and looked at me angry and confused at the same time.
"Do you seriously think I would let myself be stopped like that?" he said reproachfully and was just about to take the doorknob in my hand again when I took off my sweater and my bra in a panic, causing him to immediately look down.
"Don't do that, Love. I know why you're doing this and I would never touch you under such circumstances."
He was too good for this fucking world...
Then, before he turned the handle, I stood between him and the door and looked at him pleadingly.
"Josh, if you really care that much about me, leave him alone."
"Why?" he asked immediately angrily and took a step back. "So he can humiliate you further? You always act like he's invincible, but he's not! That's just your fear and this sick dependency he's gotten you into that makes you think so!"
He shook with anger, then let out a furious breath to settle into the chair and stare at the floor.