Chapter 62
Under the cheerful warmth that she put on display, Erica was a control freak who detested being told what to do. I observed as she nibbled the insides of her cheeks and nodded her head as the garden began to fill with pack members, and the small talk turned into needlework instruction.
The pack women looked up to her as a leader, but they didn't treat her with respect; instead, they seized the chance to exploit her vulnerability. They could easily swallow her whole because she lacked the frightening bones in her body to try and put anyone in her place.
The hierarchy of wolves was straightforward, and I was best off staying away from it all for the most part.
It was best for everyone that I remained an outsider and that no one had taken over my position in their pack. I was unsure of what to do if the pack bond had taken its place because the more people recognized me and the more my title stuck, the more motivation it would provide them to get attached to me.
Being linked to your mate was one thing, but bearing the weight of the pack and knowing when exactly they would turn against you because that was what it meant to be their Luna, and all I could offer to it was my mistakes, was quite another.
But my separation from it all also introduced its own chaotic strands.
The female wolves' power struggle was messy since I hadn't staked out my territory.
In packs with alphas without mates, it frequently occurs. The female wolves were beginning to view me as unworthy, and Derrick had not yet claimed me. They saw this as an opportunity to see if they could please their alpha in a way that I was unable to. Looking at the faces of all the wolves who were willing to confront me—who seemed better for him than I could ever be—left an acidic feeling in my throat.
Derrick would be free to choose from any woman on his property once he learned the truth, after he had rejected me and put me to death.
My body would be forgotten, our tie severed, and my blood would be spilled.
His retaliation and respect were fully realized.
Next, he would establish a household and a family with someone else, someone deserving of the room she would occupy and the regal title that accompanied him. Ultimately, he would fuck her, and she would conceive his kids without the contaminated blood I carried, extending a lineage that could only occur after my death. She would rule at his side as his queen; she would be the Luna of this pack.
It was as it ought to have been.
The bond shouldn't have chosen me.
The strain in my thoughts was making my wolf bristle, and the edginess coursing through my blood was a constant reminder of the secrets I was keeping. I could feel my energies coursing through me as more wolves started to enter the room. After spending hours preparing the garden with Erica, I was beginning to regret my decisions because I could have easily waited for Derrick back at the pack home. I could hardly focus among the inquisitive looks and murmuring voices.
They had not been invited to this event at all, but they were all interested in my appearance and wondered whether it had been organized for my benefit. It was a secret concealed by a turtleneck sweater and my prior transgressions, after all, and their leader had not yet introduced me to them or determined if I had accepted his mark.
Edmond crawled between the two of us, and Erica cooed at him, and all of a sudden the steady stream of whispers became louder. My eyes locked on to the guilty parties, and my heart skipped a beat.
A group of women strolled into the garden, and it was obvious who was in command as she surveyed the area in front of her. The other women in the group moved to make room for her, and she cast a look at them as though they were beneath her.
Before his mother gave out an exasperated sigh, Edmond fell into my lap, his head resting against my legs as he began to pluck at some grass. Her disapproval of them was evident from her reaction, and I could easily predict what would happen next.
In my previous pack, Vera and I had witnessed this narrative unfold numerous times. Since Alpha Knight had not yet found a partner, the single girls would try everything in their power to win him over and secure a spot next to him. After a taste of power, some wolves found it difficult to give it up, but it was a violent sport that kept them occupied until their real partner was discovered.
"This pack is a lot larger than my last one." I diverted Erica's attention from her altered state of mind, her bitterness transforming into pride as she took her son off my lap, cuddling him while offering him a wildflower.
"We have close to a thousand of us; most of the pack consists of warriors, who in turn have their mates and their families." With a kind smile, she remembered her own warrior partner. I pondered how Morgan had gained the right to stand next to his Alpha, but perhaps it was a tale for another occasion.
Derrick was safe, which gave me a sense of peace, but I also knew it wouldn't be sufficient. I was aware that he would charge into battle before he allowed his warriors to suffer any losses because that is what good people did—they gave up their own lives to save the lives of others. Perhaps I should have told the truth sooner, wanting more time and risking my pack's safety in the process.
My eyes strayed back to the woman, but this time, her sharp gaze was fixed on me.
"So all the women in this pack are mated?" With another sigh, Erica shook her head.
My wolf was observant; she sensed that her position was in jeopardy and that she needed to find out why.
"Some of the women born into this pack are yet to find their mates." Her eyes strayed to the woman who had just stepped inside. "They may pose a problem for you." I leaned in to put my hand on her shoulder, and she gave me a warning. Even though I knew it would only last temporarily, I have been thankful for her kindness since the first time we met.
I grinned and said, "You don't have to worry about me." "I'm going to fill a plate for Derrick before all the food disappears." I moved away from her picnic blanket and toward the center of the garden, and she smiled at what I had said.
The food was arranged on the tables, and even though I knew better, ever since I had begun cooking with Erica, I had been overcome with a strong need to make sure my partner would be fed when he returned.