Chapter 34
I could feel my purpose's intransigence being held between my wolf's claws as my control grew weaker. She desired to be in contact with him, to feel her body compressed against his, and above all, I shared her desire.
A growling noise emerged from my throat, representing the frustration of my wolf biting into my windpipe while I forcefully pressed against his body without feeling guilty. Now that I had forced myself on him, his hold on me was tight and unyielding, and as I pressed my face against his chest, my hand moved to bunch up the material of his shirt. A soft grunt emerged from his lips as he caught the abruptness of my movements. With his arms around my waist he pulled me against his torso.
The warmth of his heart and the way his aroma enveloped my chilly limbs I thought for a split second that I could have settled down in his arms, but then I heard the audience whisper around me.
Derrick hummed with satisfaction at the way I had willfully fixated myself on him; all I had done was show him, in public, that I cared, and he took great joy in that, especially in front of his pack. But when his hand started to weave patterns on my spine, he sensed my unease as well, and his touch calmed me as nothing else could.
"Group patrols will now be the norm; Gabriel will advise you of all the changes tomorrow. This is the first and final time a rogue will defeat this pack; in the meantime, return home to your families and reassure them of your safety. If you have any concerns, I will make time to listen to them." Derrick had a commanding voice, and I could feel the force of it flow through me to the rest of the room. They agreed with their Alpha in a low hum, and then they moved.
As the room emptied, the pack's presence became less intrusive. As everyone else avoided the warrior who was being held responsible for the incident, Gabriel moved to assist him in standing up. I should have been the one receiving that kind of treatment, but instead I was curled up safely in my partner's arms.
When there were only the two of us, I mustered the courage to look at Derrick without worrying that he would draw attention from a crowd.
As I met his loving look, a storm was building inside of me—a storm that was building between us as we held onto each other.
"I can't—" I held my tongue. "I can't control my wolf." My pulse rate was increasing dangerously quickly, and I was having trouble breathing.
Was this the same condition he'd been fighting with every time he was apart from me?
Ever since I was released from my mother's cruel grasp, I have been living in survival mode, waiting for her to find me and making every effort to prevent her from doing so. I hadn't experienced the desire for anything in a very long time, and until Derrick spoke clean with me, I had no idea what I might possibly want. It was an overwhelming sensation that sewed up all the tears in my spirit and was impossible for me to ignore. It crashed and crumbled against every nook and cranny of my being.
I had the impression that a shift was about to occur.
I had the impression that I was about to collapse.
It seemed as though Derrick reached across to grasp my face, his fingers lightly pressing into the clefts of my cheeks and his palm softly cupping my chin. He drew me away from the wreckage of reality that was struggling inside of me and made me focus back on him.
I could sense all the chaos and hopelessness inside him as well. He was suffering from the death of the warrior, yet he was still embracing me and giving me special treatment since I was unable to control my own narcissistic feelings.
"What does she want?" It only made me feel worse that he inquired.
He didn't deserve to treat me this way, and I couldn't stand the harm it was doing to him. Every breath I took in front of him was a lie. I glanced at him, my eyes full of tears, his face lowering as he regarded them.
The water-works never seemed to be too far behind whenever I found myself in his embrace.
I blurted out, "She wants you," but his scowl only became bigger when I said that, and I lost it. "I want you." After I made my correction, he looked at his wolf with a possessive growl bursting from his throat, causing tears to fall down my cheeks. His grasp on me became more firm, his abundance of emotions combining to create an overly cautious tangle.
I wasn't making this any simpler, fuck.
"You need to be more specific." This time, he spoke in a reserved tone, but his words were kind. Now that we were both losing our composure, I knew that the outcome could only be lethal. I tried to grasp the pandemonium that was seething inside of me by closing my eyes.
It would have been much easier to embrace the cunning of her heart than the sufferings of mine, so perhaps it would have been preferable for my wolf to have temporarily reigned over me. She felt equally protective and possessive as he did, but I had no idea how I was expected to handle any of it.
I had never been here before, so every move I took felt like I was carelessly navigating a minefield and waiting to be blown up.
When I opened my eyes again, my eyes were fixed on the way he was staring at me, and I whimpered.
I could see it in his eyes that he was experiencing the strings of feelings that bound me together, even though he seemed perplexed by the depth of my feelings. The mate link had not only strengthened for me, but it had also grown for him.
My hands instinctively went to his shirt collars, my fingers fumbling with the buttons as I attempted to loosen them before I could stop myself.
Derrick covered my mouth with his own hands, breathing shallowly now. He was fighting the desperate yearning that was pushing between the two of us as well as my frantic touch.
"What are you doing?" Embarrassed by my intentions, my eyes were fixed on his hands. For a brief minute, I looked up, and I was positive he could see the flush on my cheeks.
He took his hand off my face and moved it to rest against my hip while he straightened up. He was wary of my intentions, but I could also see the untamed side of him awakening.
"Can I touch you?" His eyes briefly met mine, and he parted his lips as I asked.
I awaited his polished comment and the sly smile that radiated satisfaction and pride. However, he bobbed.
He raised his head as if my query had rendered him silent.