Chapter 30
I knew the shirt Derrick gave me yesterday was his because I could not stop sniffing at it, and his smell seemed to be woven into every fiber.
He was a cunning jerk who was successfully training me to feel at ease in his company even when he wasn't present.
Wrapped in it, I had fallen asleep, and it was the greatest sleep I'd had in months. Even if I wasn't as little as most women, it was still a huge deal for me because I was on the heavier side of the werewolf woman species—a feat in and of itself given our extremely fast metabolism. I took comfort in eating far too much. It didn't really matter, though, because my partner was a massive, muscular beast that towered over me, making me appear small in comparison.
A small mouse was clingy and whiny in his oppressive presence.
The filthy thoughts I had been trying to keep suppressed raced through my body as I envisioned him in his bed, clutching my top in his hands. I wondered if he had retained my shirt too; I wondered if he was sleeping with it like I was sleeping with mine.
Was I torturing him as much as he was torturing me, or had my smell comforted him as much as his had?
I sighed. I shouldn't have been thinking about him in this way, but the thought of him was immobilizing, and it was making me even more irritated.
Yesterday was still very much in my memory. I was thinking back on how he had touched me and how I had touched him, but more than anything, I was remembering the anguish of disclosing my magic and the anxiety of his oppressive presence. Derrick was everything that sin could be; he was pure hell, and I had everything that he wanted.
I have the right to possess, to touch, to love, and even to destroy.
It was terrible to know that what was going to happen was inevitable. I knew that I was always better at running, so I chose to either tell him the truth or get away from it.
His aroma had enveloped me when I had woken up, its warmth reaching deep into my soul. Now, however, it had been ripped away, leaving me with nothing but a mountain of sadness and regrettable decisions.
Yesterday, I was so preoccupied with the mate bond that I neglected to notice the true problem.
My magic was a signal; each time I used it, it was like a large red laser beam aimed right at me. However, I had no control over how I used my magic—in fact, I had never had any control over it at all, as it was always taken from me before my body had a chance to adjust. It was being a picky little bitch, and its attitude was going to land me in the crosshairs of someone far more sinister than the king of wolves, who had a callous and antiquated plot to exterminate my race from this world.
I couldn't let my mother locate me again since my power would make it possible for her to do so.
Like some weird cosmic joke, I knew there was only one person who could help me, but I also needed to figure out what the hell was going on with me and find a method to hide my whereabouts from the one person I had lived in fear of my whole life.
Even if the world knew we shouldn't have paired together, it somehow managed to keep us together. Even though I should have been avoiding him as much as possible, I was in the safest place conceivable when it came to his grasp.
Keeping my power restrained around Derrick was going to exacerbate its already deadly nature—trying to keep it subdued after over a decade of suppression was going to be disastrous. It was too late now, and there was nothing I could do to stop the events that would eventually transpire, according to the demon who had bound my power all those years ago. He claimed that my magic was never supposed to be bound and that the strength of the mate bond had some foolish hold on it.
I had to find a way to minimize the damage caused by all the angles of danger that were coming at me, but there were too many secrets and too much pain, and I knew that no matter how hard I tried to keep everything contained, there would be nothing I could do to protect myself from any of it. All I could do was make sure that Derrick wouldn't make any bad decisions before I told him the truth and that no one else would suffer as a result of the consequences of my birthright.
My mother was undoubtedly already searching for me after the energy I released yesterday, so it wouldn't take long for her to find me once my power had fully broken free from the binding spell. Neither of them was going to wait forever to brand me.
I was certain that my life had always been at the mercy of others and that there was nothing I could do to stop it, regardless of who caught me first. Before he was ever my mate, Derrick was a king, and I was his enemy because I had his heart, soul, and everything that I shouldn't have. His responsibility was to his people.
To possess, to touch, to detest—to destroy—all belong to him.
I realized that I was to blame for his predicament and that I would sooner die at his hands than endure one more moment of my mother's despotism.
I had too much experience with her abuse—the blood, bruises, and beatings—and for some reason, I believed that Derrick would treat me better in the end. My mother didn't care what it took to obtain power—that was all she had ever wanted. When she found me again, there would be an agony beyond anything I could ever imagine, and she would show me no mercy.
I couldn't leave Derrick; in fact, I didn't want to. He was my best chance.
I spent the remainder of the day in the bakery, mopping. It was pointless; even though I had gone through every scenario imaginable, I couldn't find one that prevented me from wanting a man who would despise me down the road.
He was something I couldn't have, and I couldn't let go of him. I was unable to let him mate with me or mark me. It wasn't the best decision for me to reject him at this time, either.
The fact that I had promised him yesterday simply made the situation more tough. I knew he was waiting for me to come to him, waiting for me to make a mistake so he could break his word and have me with him forever. With the knowledge I now possess, I would have to look at him every day and have to deceive and betray him every day. I had to watch every day as I gradually crushed his heart until he realized who I was and what I had done.
The day went by far too fast, and I saw Vera do a victory dance as she untied her apron. She flashed a smile, and for a split second, I felt her joy. I was delighted I got to be her friend, and I was glad she found some happiness even though I hadn't, despite everything that had brought us to this place.
"I have a date." With enthusiasm, she declared "Would you kindly close up shop by yourself today? I swear, I'll compensate you." With her eyes wide and beseeching, she leaned over the counter.
She was quite adept at playing on my feelings, and I bobbed my head slightly in mockery, knowing that I would comply with her request. In any case, she was doing me a favor even as she asked me for hers. I could push away from seeing Derrick and dealing with my guilty conscience the longer I stayed here, shutting down.
"We've been here for less than a week; how have you already gotten yourself a date?" As I complied with her demands, she continued to stare at me in confusion over my rather silly question.
"Have you forgotten that on the very first day we arrived, you actually found your partner? Have you seen me too? I'm so hot. Observing her twirl around the store, I rolled my eyes.
She was correct; even in our earlier years, she had always been the more attractive of the two of us. This would have been so much easier if she had been Derrick's mate instead.
At the notion, a sharp pang slammed against my chest, possessiveness seeping into my senses and causing my stomach to turn. My wolf was growling at me, letting me know precisely what she thought of my foolish ideas with her finicky fingers.
Vera exited via the front door, and I watched as she got into a cab and vanished into the traffic, uneasy as I adjusted to my newfound solitude.
Closing was meant to be as simple as emptying out everything and putting everything back in order for the following day. As I moved in with my mate, Vera—as she had put it so elegantly—was employing some new employees. We would have to take care of all the dirty labor ourselves in the interim, but today I was happy about that.
I was sweeping the front of the store when I heard the knock against the glass. I instantly felt a wave of dread wash over me, and as I straightened up and faced the noise, my heart began to pound fiercely.
As I caught the delivery man's stare and realized he was waiting for me to open the door, my instincts were screaming at me. I felt uneasy in my stomach as he grinned at me. What the hell had become of me, and why could the mere act of opening a door induce such intense fear within me? I tried to calm whatever it was warning me about by moving my hand to rub on my chest. Nothing special, simply a delivery person waiting to give me something, but my pulse was racing and I was moving slowly.
I turned the key in the door and did not fully open it as I moved, holding the broom in my hand.
"I just need your signature," With my heart in my throat, I scrawled down my name as fast as I could while he held out his tablet. "Thank you, ma'am. Have a nice evening." He replied in a kind way, and for a split second, I wondered if it had been foolish of me to be so suspicious of him. I felt like an idiot because everything I had been thinking about all day was interfering with my ability to see the world around me.
I looked down at the box that was placed in my hands and gasped. It was a gorgeous object made of black velvet and tied with a scarlet ribbon. Too lovely to come from anybody, but the man my thoughts had been circling around all day. I placed it on a table and stared at it, feeling a sensation of unease creep in. Presents from someone they liked usually made people happy, but something wasn't quite right about this.
When he knew I was coming to visit him, why would he send me a gift when he could have given it to me in person?
I didn't know how to quit thinking too much after spending the entire day doing so.
As I undid the knot and felt the silky ribbon slide off the box and onto my fingertips, my pulse raced. My heart fell when I opened the lid and saw what was written on the card that was resting on top of the tissue paper. I staggered back, feeling as though my breath had been taken out of me.
My instincts had been correct, my paranoia was well-founded, and now the horror was consuming every part of me.
"I've discovered you now that you've found your mate."
It was a promise and a reminder, a threat and a warning, and it made me feel completely destroyed. I thought I would have more time.
This was why I had been anxious all day, but she had already located me.