Zheng Fan extended his hand, grasped Siniang’s, and Siniang allowed him to hold hers.
When it came to understanding a man’s mind, no one present could surpass Siniang. Zheng Fan didn’t believe her earlier claim that her fingers had paused because her heart had suddenly tensed.
She merely wanted to soften the atmosphere a bit, using her position as his woman.
It wasn’t exactly manipulation; it was more of a habit, perhaps even an instinct. Even in ordinary marriages, little techniques are occasionally needed to keep things fresh.
"Everyone, don’t be so serious. I just woke up, but somehow, I feel even more lethargic than before."
"My lord, you must be tired from the trip to the capital city."
Upon returning home, resting, and relaxing, the previous mental strain vanished, and his body naturally began to slacken and grow lethargic.
"Perhaps. We are all family here, truly. I don’t want our conversations to have this kind of atmosphere; it’s better if we’re more lively. Most of you have saved my life before. Without you, I wouldn’t be here today."
"My lord, saying such things truly makes us feel like outsiders."
"No, Blind Bei, let me finish."
Blind Bei nodded, delaying lighting the cigarette in his hand with a fire starter.
"Previously, I always treated this world and my resurrection as the beginning of a game. I mostly faced everything in this world with the mindset of playing a game.
In fact, you’re probably not so different from me. We’re all somewhat outliers in this world.
This time in the capital city, I met with Lord Jingnan, the Earl of North Border, and the Yan Emperor. I won’t hide it from you; I felt quite intimidated in their presence."
Smiles appeared on everyone’s faces.
"This world is truly fascinating, yet also somewhat helpless. We’ve been going through the motions of this game for so long now. Our soldiers, whether fully committed or not, number nearly two thousand, right?"
There were just over four hundred barbarian soldiers, the twelve to thirteen hundred members of the Zuo and Huo families who arrived today, plus some subordinates Hongba and Xiao Yibo brought from Hutou City. It was less than two thousand in total, but not by much.
"You all might think, given my tone and what I’ve said, that I’m considering retiring to become a wealthy man, right?"
The six Devils remained silent.
"That thought might arise in the future, but not now. I’m just a bit lost. Even the most enjoyable game, if played for too long, inevitably leads to a sense of fatigue.
Luckily, this isn’t a game. It’s a new life, a real and tangible one. When playing games, you can choose to quit and shut down at any moment. But in life, you can’t control the progress bar. Whether you’re willing or not, whether you want it or not, it keeps pushing you forward.
I’ve tried to set new goals. In the past, I thought about becoming a Devil, an Emperor, establishing my own dynasty. But I don’t actually have such grand political ambitions.
Especially—and I’m not ashamed to tell you this—at the Tian Family estate in Tiancheng County, I watched Tian Wujing order the extermination of his own clan.
I thought at the time, if becoming a powerful person requires such sacrifices, such decisions, then what’s the point of being a powerful person?
Our Yan Emperor treats his sons as if they were all fathered by someone else. Thıs content belongs to 𝙣𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙡·𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕖·𝔫𝔢𝔱
Zheng Fan looked up at Siniang, who was standing by his side, and continued,
"I’m actually quite content now."
Are you afraid of power?
Are you content with women?
Have you lost your motivation in life?
The Devils’ minds churned with these thoughts, but outwardly, they all appeared to be listening intently.
However, Zheng Fan’s preamble sounded very much like he was preparing to "disband the group and return to Gao’s Village."
"This world has a particular disadvantage for me, and for all of you: it doesn’t give us a specific goal that, if unachieved within a certain time, results in our death.
Although, if such a goal existed, it would be cruel for us, without it, we easily become lost.
I’m not thinking of disbanding. You gave me a choice back then: become a wealthy man or stir up trouble. I chose the latter without hesitation.
Even if I had to choose again, I would still choose the latter. Heaven allowed us to be truly reborn once; we must live this life to the fullest.
Hearing this, do you feel I’m contradicting myself? Sigh, Siniang, could you make me a tonic later? I think I might have a bit of a cold."
Zheng Fan took out a fire starter, lit the cigarette Blind Bei had passed him earlier, took a drag, and slowly blew out a ring of smoke.
"Humans are paradoxical creatures. As I just mentioned, I personally don’t admire Tian Wujing’s ruthlessness, even though he is indeed a great man.
I also don’t appreciate how indifferent our Yan Emperor is to his family, even though he truly is an emperor of great ambition and strategy.
But, do you know, that day in the palace, when I led the Jingnan Cavalry in, with the thunderous sound of iron hooves, I watched the three figures walking at the very front.
I felt somewhat... impassioned.
I envied them at that moment. I, too, dreamed of having such a day. But the disingenuous part of me is that I only want the glory they enjoyed, not the sacrifices and endurance they had to bear for it."