It’s raw and primal and ordinarily would make me hornier than hell. Ripping and tearing expensive fabric literally right up the centre, with brute force until it’s completely detached, and he yanks it free and tosses it aside, still pinned to the wall in my underwear, and he’s back against me, his body hard to mine as he presses one hand over my palm on the wall and the other slides around my waist. Instead ,I am just trying to breathe as I am held captive in a position that’s turning me into a slow emotional wreck, still fighting his death grip to get him from behind me as my legs start to shake. It is heaven and hell all in one.
To feel him wrapping himself around me and against me once more, filling a yearning emptiness that is always inside of me. My body stirring and heart soaring with his embrace, yet at the same time, there’s a deep sense of terror at the back of my mind, reminding me he uses sex on me at every turn, and I should be wary. I don’t like that he is behind me and my inner nerves are swirling and growing as I try like crazy not to let this fear raise its head in front of him again. Taking shallow breaths and staving off my panic attack. I won’t show him the same mess he met that night in the apartment, I won’t let him know how much being taken this way affects me, or he will endlessly use it.
I have endured it many times before. I can and will endure it with him, before showing him that weakness once more. Grit my teeth and bare it. ‘’Tell me.’’ He rasps and tilts my head back with a hand around my throat, pressing the back of my skull into his strong shoulder firmly, and looks at my face from his higher view point. Even in half-darkness he looks formidable and sexy as hell. All strong lines and handsome features in the moonlight, he just exudes masculinity from every pore. The tormenter who seduces his prey.
‘’Tell you what?’’ I reply breathily, putty in his hands and willing to go to hell just to feel him inside of me again. I try not to focus on my rapid breathing or shuddering heartbeat as I fight the waves of darkening fear growing in the pit of my tummy. I want to turn around, but if I do then he will know why. I don’t want to enforce his power of what this can do, so I will play along and fight its effects.
‘’That you want this … that you want me.’’ It’s all about control and surrender for him and I bite on my lip, willing myself to defy him, fight him and refuse him that little consent he needs, but my voice has other ideas.
‘‘I want you.’’ It’s soft and breathless and I wish I could take it back the second I say it, hating my own failings. I tremble when I hear that low deep laugh in his throat.
‘’Good girl.’’ The sinister edge within that normally happy sound makes my insides crumble to dust. Fear upping a gear as I realise this is not what I hoped it would be. Two words, spoken in that voice that always drags me to heel. I just unleashed the devil.
Alexi grabs my wrist and pulls it back behind me and holds it against my spine cruelly, so fast I barely have a moment to catch on or take a breath. The arm around my waist tightens viciously as he hauls my body back and he kicks my ankles apart in a manner befitting a prisoner in shackles. Every ounce of blood within me drains from my body, cold terror draws the last warmth from me and my face ices with the knowledge that this is what he wanted.
‘’Alexi, not like …’’ I can’t get the words out as he covers my mouth with a rough hand, clamping me quiet and taking away any ability to refuse. He pushes my head against the wall as he bends me over and thrusts inside of me in one easy swoop that sends me crashing painfully against the hard surface as I bang my shoulder and chest with a muffled yelp. Manoeuvred and held like a piece of meat for his bidding. Entered again in that spiteful way of his which is meant to hurt. Held taught, bent over and being punished in the worst way I start clawing frantically with my one free hand at the wall in a bid to get out of this position, pulling at his hand as I’m forced with the power of his thrusts into a more prominent bent over shape while being screwed.
My head hits the wall as he impales me again, my arm aching with the way I’m restrained by one arm behind me and it’s excruciating. There’s no pleasure in what he is doing, he’s punishing, humiliating and ravaging me in the worst possible way as his penetration burns my skin inside and out. All enjoyment gone as fear racks through me, memories and pain slice through my brain, being taken from behind, mouth gagged, body bound as I was abused over and over until my body bled and my legs shook with the effort of staying upright.
The traumas of those nightmares that never cease to haunt me, and he’s making me relive every single one. The biting pain of unwanted sex, the burn as my body tries to reject what’s not wanted and the rough hard way he is using my body and treating me like a worthless vessel to screw. He saw the weapon he had and he is using it. He turns everything into something to hurt me and this inhumane display of dominance is just another tool to put me in my place.
I should have known I wouldn’t bypass punishment, I should never have trusted him.