He is drunk, stinking of strong booze and it’s clear from his glazed eyes and slurred speech that all rational thought is gone and the last thing on his mind is Alexi Carrero.
‘’No … Alexi will snap. He will flip out like you have no idea. You don’t know what he is capable of.’’ I try defensively, but he just comes after me, relentlessly holding on and yanking me towards him, no matter how much I twist and turn and try to wrench my arms free.
‘’So, you’re a cock tease? Like to get men horny and then won’t follow through? A fucking whore; a fucking teasing, trashy little bitch! ’’ His smile and charming expression drop like a lead weight and the grip on my wrists bites cruelly. This unassuming little fat man has an aggressive side and I just walked right into an inevitable fight.
I have limited strength even against someone as short as him, so I go for diffusion instead; sweet voice, calming tones and trying to struggle less. As much as I hate him internally, and my body is screaming to kick and run, I am trying for calm and controlled.
‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was merely being friendly, you seemed like a very nice man and now I’m going back to my seat and Alexi. Let’s just forget all about this. He doesn’t need to know about this silly misunderstanding.’’ I try to get free discreetly, but he jerks me back to him rapidly so I fall against his torso, off my high shoes with a stumble and try to right myself. Heart pounding as adrenaline spikes higher and I know that this only has one outcome.
I know from experience I can never fight men off, no matter how unfit they are and it won’t be the first time I have been held down and taken against my will. Less of a fight means it’s over faster and with less damage to my body. I can regain some control of the situation if I play along and allow it. More fight gives me a chance of getting free, although it is unlikely, and I won’t walk out unscathed.
He will rape me and God knows what else in his fury if I make this harder for him.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
Damn you Alexi!
‘‘I don’t think so. You and I, we’re going to have a little fun and you’re going to keep your mouth shut or I tell him how you came into the men’s begging me to fuck you. He will never believe a whore over me. We go back a long way him and me.’’ He looks completely insane, sloppy speech, eyes red-rimmed and clearly very intoxicated as I shake my head, swallowing hard and twist once more to get free in a last-ditch attempt.
‘’Alexi knows I’m not that dumb. He doesn’t have friendships, he has acquaintances. and he will still kill both of us. Even if I did seduce you! YOU are not that dumb. Think about this. Think about your daughter out there, sat with a man who kills for a living and what he will do to us.’’ I can’t get my arm free and this time he jerks me back and grabs me by the hair with biting force, bodily throwing me back against the wall to my side and winding me in the process.
He takes away all my rational thought and instinct kicks in with his flash of violence, heaving for breath and ignoring the waves of aching pain flowing through my bones from the impact. I used to become submissive and docile when attacked, limp and cooperative so it would minimise what they did to me, but somewhere in the last couple of years and freeing myself from that life I have found a fire.
Men don’t have a right to touch me this way anymore and I will be damned if I am going to take this lying down. I am not that little girl I used to be and men do not have a right to take what they want off me with force.
Never again! I swore when I got free that I would be in control and never let this happen again.
I start to fight back, hitting at his arms with bunched fists as he lets my wrist go to shield his face with one hand and starts hauling my dress up savagely, fabric ripping at the seam. His hands are suddenly everywhere. I’m fighting him, pushing his grasping fingers from my breast as he tries to tear one free from its confines and twisting my face as he tries to bite and kiss me. It’s like he has more limbs and speed than me and I cannot keep up battling them all at once.
He’s a bastard, not the sweet easy manipulated old man he seemed to be, and he’s bloody strong. I’m thrashing about in a bid to fight him off, but he chokes me with a sudden grab and I grasp at his fingers around my throat, clawing to catch my breath, instantly unable to swallow or breath. Half coughing in a bid to get some air into my lungs.
Being held by the throat seems to be the universal way to control a woman and it triggers more of my fight to the death instinct.