‘We just landed. She’s not dead, no. You will be happy to know she did the smart thing and slept the whole way home.’ I feel his eyes on me and turn with a nasty scowl, meeting that smug prick expression of his. A tingle of crackle between us as fury meets arsehole and eyes lock in another silent battle of wills. Both of us glare before I turn my nose back to the scenery, relenting, and try to blank him out. I’m guessing it’s Mico and he was worried Alexi had strangled and disposed of me on the flight home. My phone is buried in my bag and probably dead, so if he tried it maybe he was genuinely scared for my life—Even though I am not.
If Alexi wouldn’t even let me shoot myself, then I doubt he’s going to try and do away with me, even in anger.
‘How bad is it?’ He sounds sober and solemn for a second, a touch of something huskier and mellow to the tone, and I wonder if it’s a hint of regret. My ears prick up at that and I listen despite myself, straining to hear the voice on the other end but there’s nothing. It’s too muffled by Alexi’s ear and Mico isn’t naturally a loud talker either. I wonder if he’s asking about the state of his victim or the likelihood of this event coming back to bite him in the arse. I hope it does, big time. It’s what he deserves for attacking that poor defenceless man.
I feel his eyes sweep me on me again, like a sixth sense that knows when he’s looking at me, and just tuck my face around and lean my head on the rest to try and completely blank him; Nose almost to the side window and neck in an awkward angle that isn’t the comfiest. I’m still reeling from the waves of exhaustion sweeping my body brutally and will this journey to be as short as possible.
‘Let me know. I’ll have my cell on all night … well, what’s left of my night.’ Alexi sounds a tad pissed and I smile in disbelief at that statement. No one but himself to blame for the screwed up shitty end to our night, so if he is trying to pin it on me then he can piss off. I turn and glare at him to signal I heard that comment and he just raises an eyebrow at me, locking those colourless greys on me in the dimmest light. They almost glow in the darkness and yet I don’t break the contact. Staring him down too as he does me. No fear or backing down for this girl when it comes to him anymore. His acts of intimidation are as effective as his threats nowadays. They mean nothing to me anymore.
One thing I have learned these past weeks in his presence, he won’t ever touch me in the ways he once did. For whatever reason, I am out of bounds for that treatment and I know it. I’m confident of it now. Tonight has only proved it, by letting me be after attacking him physically. The man I knew before would have made me suffer irreversibly for a lot less than that. Not once has he used that low death tone and warned me about the dangers of laying a hand on him. Not once has he actually made a move to try to scare me into submission again.
Alexi maybe hasn’t changed all that much in the grand scheme of things, but his boundaries when it comes to me have and it gives me a new sense of power I never had before. A warm inner stability that I know Alexi is nothing to fear anymore … Even if he did just beat a man half to death in front of me.
‘Do you want to talk to her and hear for yourself? I swear I haven’t done a damn thing to her.’ Alexi sounds agitated and I can only hazard a guess that Mico is grilling him, checking on me, and it warms my icy veins a little. Knowing that mad or not, he still worries and I throw Alexi a haughty raised brow and a smug smile—stupidly gleeful with his irritation.
‘If he had he would be ball-less right now, Mico.’ I say loudly so I can be heard on the other side and that little muscle twinge in Alexi’s jaw makes me smile all the harder, satisfied with the reaction. That furrowed brow and intense look that tells me to shut up.
‘Yes! … See! … Told you. Still as snappy and fucking charming as always. Not gagged, beaten and broken into submission. You can stop texting me like a frantic father and trust me when I say … I would never hurt her. I told you, didn’t I?’ Alexi’s tone drops as he says it, as though he really doesn’t want me to hear it and my smile drops, blinking at the husky weird way it came out, and what he said as my stomach twirls and tips. Anger and emotional deadpan vacant and he sounded completely normal for a moment, if not a tad serious.
I stop glaring and instead look away and stare at the screen in front of us awkwardly, and try not to think more deeply into that sentence than I should. It does weird things to my insides and the sudden breathy butterflies make me antsy enough to shift in my seat nervously. It’s hard to stay mad when he says things like that and instead I focus on just numbing it all out again; Eyes on passing streets, early morning drivers and all the hustle and bustle of Manhattan.
‘We’re not far… I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Alexi sighs heavily and then hangs up his phone and slides it onto his lap quietly. I can see him out of the corner of my eye and catch the flicker of a look at the side of my face before he goes back to staring out of his own window.
Even though we’re fighting, and what happened in Miami was volatile and rage-fuelled with a lot of aggression, I don’t feel afraid of being here with him, not in the slightest. I don’t understand why and I don’t want to dissect it. There’s an ambience of truce in the air, despite lingering resentment and I wonder if it’s just down to being exhausted. I close my eyes and tip my head back on the rest to get comfy and make a show of going back to sleep.
I want to anyway, I am really that tired but my head won’t shut off, and I am so crazily aware of him sitting this close to me in the car. I can smell his aftershave and his familiar Alexi scent, can feel traces of his body heat even though we are a foot apart and the air seems filled with his presence. I screw my eyes shut to mentally shake all my senses into silence and try for at least pretend sleep. I know he will leave me be if he thinks I am out cold and it affords me some silent thinking space.
When we pull up to the club half an hour later Alexi taps me gently on my hand and I jump almost out my skin, head snapping up and blinking at him in pale-faced shock. I wasn’t expecting actual touching, and I think I did eventually start dozing off because I once again feel all out of whack and all over the place from sleep addled fuzzy brain. My heart is doing a rhumba, instant shakes from being torn awake.
Alexi gets out and holds the door open for me, two black-clothed security men appearing from the building behind him in very bright morning sky already, and I realise we are parked out front and not in the parking lot of the club. Regardless, it’s where we are, and familiar sights of home are looming above us. I have never been so happy to see this damn dark building standing tall in its back-alley space. Back in the city, back on familiar territory and finally I get to go be alone in my own room and my own space where he doesn’t get to be.
I get out ungracefully, legs like jelly as I hit the pavement on tired feet and walk past him, curiosity getting the better of me now we are here, and I realise he isn’t following me. I don’t know what is with my brain or my stupid emotions but the sudden realisation he isn’t even coming into the club at all hits some odd nerve deep down and my response is genuine shock.
‘You’re not coming?’ I blanch at him, no clue as to why I thought he would, or the fact the strange sense of disappointment tells me I wanted him too. I have no idea why I’m being such an idiot over this. I can’t fathom it at all.
He slides back into the car quickly, leaving me gawping at him from the street while one of the men hauls my bag out of the boot and throws me a shady look. Probably wondering why I am questioning the boss, and with attitude, because it would be certain punishment for one of his lowly goons.
‘This sociopath is fucking off for a few days. I have other people to deal with; ones who don’t want to poison my coffee. Get the club open by Friday; I’m sick of it losing money. Do your job, get MY club open, and do it pronto.’ Alexi sounds like him of old. No expression in his voice, no emotion or anything. Just that cold bossy indifference I loathe with a passion and he goes to pull his door shut, but I stop it mid swing. Instantly aggravated by him and the fact he’s leaving me here.
‘OUR fucking club and it will be ready by Friday, don’t worry about that. Don’t bother coming back for opening night, I’m sure I can handle it alone and you will only lower the tone.’ I spit at him, tears circling in my throat which are beyond ridiculous, and I don’t get why I am suddenly angry with him because he’s doing the decent thing for once and giving me space. I willed him to fuck off the whole way home and now he’s doing it I’m majorly upset with him … Irrationally so. I don’t even know what the hell is going on in my own body and brain sometimes.
Alexi just looks grim at both my tone and my words.
‘I’ll be here. Don’t want you being left alone with all those rich men looking for company. I know how easily you give in to temptation.’ His anger stirs up from the depths in that biting response, and our eyes meet as temperatures soar again. Always easy to goad each other into a fiery rage. I have never known a man who can send me into a swirl of moods like a PMS’ing teen with bad hormone control.
‘Fuck off, Alexi. Bagging a rich man has never been my goal in life. If it was I would have never stopped you tonight. I would be nakedly fucking you half to heaven in that hotel right now.’ I point out with my nose in the air and hands on my hips—full-on bitch sass.
‘That was a moment of drunken stupid—forgot who you were for a second—don’t worry it won’t happen again!’ He too adopts that sarcastic hatred, riling me further.
‘Yeah, figures. Like I would want a repeat of the most unmemorable sex I have ever had in my life.’ I spit at him in bitter retaliation, scathed by his remark and shut the door on him instead, slamming it hard before he can retort and spin on my heel to storm to the entrance stairs of the club. Tears bite at me and that heavy thick lump in my throat threatens to choke me.
I don’t wait around to see if he has anything to say on the matter, holding back my emotional stupidity and that sense of extreme loneliness that hits me hard in the gut as I make my way up the steps quickly. I’m flanked by the two men, who walk behind me and usher me inside safely.
It’s early morning, birds singing in the sunny dawn light, and yet I feel like an icy grip has taken hold of my heart as I enter the near pitch-black club. Every part of me that was desperate to get here falls by the wayside in a sense of deflated disappointment now I am here. I wonder why I was so eager to get back to this.
It feels empty and hostile, devoid of any feeling of coming home and warmth, even though it’s exactly as it was twelve hours ago.