‘All it takes is one jerk to take that gun from me, in a fight or a fumble because I hesitate, or he’s just quicker and turns it back to become my end instead of my protection. I would rather not tip the balance of outcomes by carrying something that could be used on me, Alexi. It’s not me. I don’t want to walk around always aware of that thing under my dress, always worried that I might have need of it because it’s there. I know how my brain works, and if you make me walk around with it, I’m going to be a nervous wreck, always fixating on the fact it’s there. Let’s be honest, in your world, danger aimed at me is always going to be male and probably trained a lot better than I will ever be. It won’t be something that keeps me safe. It will make me feel the exact opposite.’ It’s not really the speech I had prepared last night because under that angry scrutiny of grey eyes piercing my skull it’s hard to think straight, but it’s sort of the gist of what I decided—In a rushed effort to get it out before he explodes.
Alexi shakes his head angrily staring off across the car park, and I can tell he’s trying to curb an outburst. He’s pissed at my reasoning, his jaw squaring and tightening as he grits his teeth. A sign he doesn’t agree, but I am set on this. I don’t want it and I don’t want to carry something like that on me, ever. I don’t let him verbalise it though. Best to get in before he starts a fight. Throw on the sweetener and appeal to his smart part.
‘Look … If it’s a tossup between that hunk of metal or being flanked constantly by black-clothed psychos you deem appropriate protection, then I’ll take the latter and give you no shit about it. Tie Jackson to me for all I care. I would rather him than a gun and I’m not going to back down on this.’ I exhale with the last words, relieved I got to say it and now wait with added tension for a reaction.
‘Until the first time you dodge him and take off on your own?’ He snaps at me, a throwback to me giving Mico the slip in the Hamptons, and my stomach lurches at the peak of pissed off Carrero. Furious going on under that seemingly calm expression but all his little signs are evident … Tense body, tensed jaw and rolling storms in the depths of his grey eyes. That brain is hovering over his rage button being flicked, and I need to tread very carefully. Appeal to his sane side. Something I always avoided before, but realise now that outright defiance makes him flip so easily. Reasonable cajoling just makes him simmer.
There are ways to handle him and I am slowly learning it makes a difference sometimes. Alexi isn’t as complex as I used to think, he just requires someone to read his tells and avoid his triggers. Pander to him a little. He has an ego, a bad temper and a need to be in control of all things. He hates being undermined and I used to do it frequently. I see that now.
He’s a man child, a sinister, powerful one, but still … definitely a man child.
‘I promise you. I know this is for my protection, I won’t do that again. I know you only want me to be safe and protected and the gun was for my own safety.’ I’m trying for submissive, soft tones and gentle words, genuine soothing of his ruffled feathers. I lock eyes on his to show him I mean it, but he’s moving on his feet, shifting; that need to expel energy brimming inside of him.
I can tell he has a whole lot going on in his head and he wants to tell me it’s his way or no way, yet something is holding him back. I’m waiting on the eruption, but all I am getting is a very controlled, if not angry Alexi and his inability to look directly at me. He keeps clenching and unclenching his jaw, his fist, and staring across the park as though answers will magically appear before his eyes. Atmosphere thick and tense between us as I stand and internally tremble in anticipation of the war I am predicting. Then finally, he turns back to me.
‘Jackson will never leave your side; he will walk you to and from the fucking apartment morning, noon and night. You come out here for air … he does too. You want to go upstairs mid-night for a fucking aspirin, he goes too. You want to go get a bikini wax or a lingerie shopping trip then HE GOES TOO.’ He snarls it at me, voice raised angrily, rage clearly building at my refusal and as much as I’m taken aback by just how venomous this topic has made him, I nod mutely.
Obedience. That’s what he wants right now.
Give him that!
If I spark at him, he will spark right back and this will explode between us. I’m too much of a fiery person when he is this way, and he is a volatile person that I seem to be able to rile. I remain silent and keep that innocent look on my face so as not to push him further.
Alexi throws himself into his seat without another word, just another filthy glare because I made him mad, and he slams the door shut. I guess he decided getting away from me is the best thing for both of us and I get out of the way, walking back across the park to the steps to give him space to leave.
A little happy at it though. Avoiding imminent death.
I can feel his eyes burning into me as he starts the purring motor with an aggressive roar, pulling out in reverse to back up to face the gate at speed. He's pissed. He needs to simmer, but he agreed—which is huge!!! I coerced the great dictator and I barely broke a sweat.
I think it’s the fact he had to back down and accept something against his wishes that has him madder than hell, but it’s a little victory for me. I made Alexi back down and all it took was some gentle coaxing instead of outright defiance. I should remember that in future. It may come in handy.
I glance back momentarily, something in my gut as the safety gate jerks and starts to automatically slide open. Security watches from above to remotely trigger it for cars coming and going and I catch movement in the bottom corner of my vision.
Right by the gate the little scrawny furball crawls out into the path of where Alexi is heading, and as he pulls forward, eyes still on me, I panic. Action over thought and I literally jump into the path of his car trying to leave the grounds and throw my arms in the air with a crazy squeal.
‘WAIT!’ I screech in sheer fear and hysteria as I try to protect that mangy, pitiful creature from certain squishing.
Alexi slams on the breaks violently, car stopping millimetres in front of me abruptly, very dramatically, and rips himself out of that seat like a tornado in a split second; A furious, venomous growl thrown my way.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ He roars at me as I throw my head round to see furball scurrying back under the closest vehicle in fright and heave a sigh of relief. My body collapsing inwards and dissolving into the shakes as adrenaline kicks my arse. His car is practically touching me.
‘You were going to run over Feral. You weren’t looking, you would have killed him.’ I gesture towards Mico’s four by four breathlessly, where it’s cowering just under the bumper, and Alexi snaps his face to look that way. Eyes scanning the ground as he searches for whatever the fuck a feral is, rage on his face growing into a snarling, seething fury. His normally ivory skin turning a hue darker as blood boils under the surface.
‘A FUCKING CAT? You made me almost hit you for a fucking cat!!!!’
Alexi is in full-blown hurricane mode and I recoil a little; definitely terrified of this complete and utter combustion of that Italian temper.
‘I didn’t want you to kill it.’ Tears well up because he’s scaring me right now, memories of how much of a cruel bastard he can be, and he just glares once more.
‘It’s a fucking stray; looks like killing it would be a kindness. I can’t believe you risked your life for a mangy flea-bitten creature! GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD.’ Alexi booms loudly and this time I move fast, eyes full of moisture as my body starts to visibly shake and impulsively cry at him.
‘Stop yelling at me, you’re scaring me,’ I wail back tearfully, sobbing suddenly and overly sensitive and emotional to his reaction. Alexi just turns volcanic.
‘If I wasn’t someone with fast reflexes, I would have hit you and you’re telling me to stop yelling at you! Stop being so fucking dumb! I didn’t spend four months searching the country for you to fucking run you over in my own car lot. Stay off the road, stay with Jackson, and stop pissing me off … and stop fucking crying. I fucking hate it!’
He is the usual cold heartless prick he always has been, and I was wrong to think docile was his new persona. Alexi is still a wanker, and through watery sniffs and acting like a wounded Hollywood diva, I stick my fingers up at him in response to him being a complete tit-wank.
‘Go away. I don’t like you anymore,’ I answer childishly, turning on my heel with tears running down my face as Alexi, yet again, aggressively chucks himself back in his car and takes off at neck-breaking speed that makes his tyres squeal and leaves a black set of marks on the road.
I don’t stop to take a second look and storm into the lobby and slam the outer door; hating him for making me cry.