Alexi, for the first time, looks slightly uncomfortable, eyes flicking to his lap and a tiny frown, a moment of something I can’t read before they come back up to meet mine.
‘Agreed … to a certain extent … I need you to still represent me and my name, Cam, which comes with restrictions.’ His voice is equally soft, quieter as he responds and the moment seems as far away from business as possible. As far away from Alexi and Camilla conversations as it could be. Another lengthy pause as I let his answer sink in and find my inner strength once more.
I can never let him reel me back in, not with soft looks and tender tones. I know all his tricks.
‘I know how to be discreet and how to behave, trust me to know how to do this without your direction. I am not part of this deal. I will be my own person and I can walk at any time. If you make me feel like you did, in any tiny way then I won’t hesitate to leave you.’ I feel like I am signing my life away, this heavy weight of doom hanging over me trying to warn me of a stupid decision, but I was never that good at listening to my gut; Always running towards danger.
He has the upper hand and all the things in the world I want. I am tired of surviving. I want to come back and stop running from the world in general. It was easier when I was here, wrapped in the Carrero empire’s safe bubble. I miss knowing what that could feel like. I miss my life.
‘If that’s what it takes, then fine … Anything else?’ He doesn’t seem so happy anymore, yet he’s not angry either. Agreeable even if it’s begrudged, but I sigh with relief that he’s not picking apart these demands in the way I was expecting him to.
The Alexi I know isn’t this easy to negotiate with, and isn’t so reasonable when it comes to positions and toys. He’s a born Dom and this must be killing him.
‘You don’t get to touch me, in any way, shape or form, from here on in … at all.’ I spell it out as basically and clearly as I can. No touching means no chance of ever weakening me back to his way of thinking. It’s my only real defence when it comes to dealing with him.
Alexi this time does react; that eyebrow flicker, the little tightening of his jaw, a visible flinch and disbelieving half laugh, half snort. He doesn’t like this one. My guts tighten, heart skips a beat and I hold my breath—on edge and waiting.
He looks away across the room and the second flinch of his jaw hints that he really is not happy about that little demand, his mind running through it, over, under, and around, probably tying the fucker up and poking it with sharp things. I won’t back down on this one for anything.
I don’t want him to ever touch me again and with this one thing in place there is no danger of ever falling back under his spell. No sex, no punishment, no way to hurt me.
No control.
Alexi’s biggest weapons are all tied up in one little rule!
‘It’s a deal breaker for me if you say no,’ I add in afterthought, finding courage, and Alexi looks a little madder for a moment. Eyes narrowing at whatever he’s glaring at across the room, turning it to stone with the power of that frown, before he turns back to me with a heavy sigh and a little shake of his head. As though he is really battling to be okay with this. I can see the storm in those grey eyes as he bites on his typical reaction to curb it.
I should take all of this as a warning and just forget it. Just go. I should not put myself in danger this way again.
‘Whatever you want.’ It’s through almost gritted teeth and his tone has an edge that borders on severely agitated, but he agreed and I let out the breath I have been holding tight in my lungs as warmth floods my body. He may be an accomplished liar and prick, but when he makes boundaries, he tends to stick to them. I can tell by his salty mood he is doing just that.
Screw him. I don’t care if it pisses him off.
‘I want all this in writing—ALL of it. I want you to promise me. I would also like a clause that states if you break any part of the contract that results in me leaving then the value of my percentage is paid to me in full before I walk away, to cut all ties … Without argument … Without taking it to court!’ I am the one to raise brows this time; fighting my corner, fuelled by nerves and a deep sense of unease. I know I am playing with fire but my sanity depends on this. Alexi looks both pissed and impressed at the same time and shakes his head lightly in disbelief. I know him too well, and that sadistic bastard is most likely clambering to throw a hissy fit inside that complex brain. He’s probably trying very hard to keep it hidden.
‘Would you like me to sign it in blood too?’ Sarcasm because I have annoyed him but there’s not a whole lot he can do about it. He starts tapping the bar with his thumb, a little frustrated tell that informs me I am under his skin already and his temper is fraying.
‘If you want, or a pen would suffice, but I know you like being dramatic for effect.’ I’m not playing ball and backing down for his moods this time—Sassy all the way. Camilla will be proud of me. The girl he broke isn’t here anymore and she has no intention of ever letting him do that again.
I may be stupidly walking back into his world against every ounce of sense inside of me, but this time I know what, and who he is, and exactly what he is capable of and I won’t be burned twice. Alexi has another thing coming if he thinks I’m the same weak idiot who poured her heart out at his feet and tried to end her pain in the worst possible way. I don’t love this man anymore, so he has no hold over me.