Almost without thought, and quicker than he can release me to make a grab for it, I yank it free from its holster as he makes for the same thing, knowing he fucked up by letting me at it. I knew he sometimes carried one, it’s not the first time I have seen him with a holster. I just never thought I would ever be laying hands on it in a bid to save myself from him.
Even drunk I am oddly faster, fear fuelled as adrenaline soars through me, my heart pounding into my head and gasping for air. I push the gun at his chest with speed while he is still trying to go for my arms and shove him backwards with more force than I thought I was capable of. For the first time ever, like some crazy alternate universe, I manage to physically push him back because he is caught off guard and he stumbles a few steps away before righting himself.
I grab onto the steel with two hands shaking violently and aim it right at his chest. My hands sweating and fear pumping through my veins at a rate of knots, sobering me slightly and highlighting the complete ‘’no way out’’ situation I find myself in.
Alexi goes from anger to amusement in an instant transformation. The devil in that face of his, quaking me to my soul. He breaks into a sardonic grin that makes my blood curdle and moves back to stand casually in front of me, almost lounging indifferently. Not the reaction of a sane person at all, and not one you can reason with to save your own life.
I am so screwed.
‘‘You going to shoot me, London?’’ He smirks at me and crosses his arms across his wide expanse of chest. Any other time and place he would look like a guy confidently standing in a queue or waiting for a bus.
What the hell is wrong with you, Alexi?
‘’I … I …’’ I’m frantically trying to think, knowing I just made this a whole lot worse, and if I put the gun down now then God knows what he will do to me. The blonde has gotten up and run to hide behind the bedroom door, squealing in fear and I wave it around in agitation as her noise gets louder and more hysterical.
‘’Shut up, shut up you stupid bitch.’’ I cannot think with the hellish noise she is making, and I am in freak out mode. She stops screeching and slams her mouth shut as though she thinks I might shoot her first and I try and reel in my scattered brain. I have never held a real gun and the fact it’s here in my hand, heavy and cold, much heavier than I imagined it would be, makes this a whole lot more sickening to me. I’m terrified of what I hold. My heart is pounding through my chest until I think it may burst out and Alexi is way too calm, standing watching me. He doesn’t seem to care that a gun is pointing his way at all and I think I care more than he does, even though I’m the one holding the damn thing.
Breaking into cold sweats as nausea rises in my throat I swear I might have a heart attack. The girl is mumbling now, trying to keep quiet, but he’s acting like she is not even here. Those cold grey eyes honed in on me and I just want to curl up and die.
I don’t know how to get out of this. He will make life unbearable and I have nowhere else to run anymore. Mico isn’t here to stop him and the girl won’t intervene in any way; he will kill me for this.
I put a gun to his chest—Alexi Carrero’s chest.
Jesus Christ, Camilla!
I am unsure what else to do except keep him at bay and prolong the inevitable until I can think about what I am doing. I threatened the life of a Carrero. You do not walk away from that unscathed.
‘’Are you going to do something with that or keep waving it around?’’ Alexi draws me back to his face and I lift it up and point it his way a little more intently, trying to fake bravado, telling him to stay back. My hands are shaking, and I can see the gun is shaking so badly that he has to be able to see it too. He’ll know how much I am freaking out inside. I have my finger in the trigger space and it feels so alien in my hands. So heavy it’s making my arms ache.
I don’t know what to do. It’s like my brain is stuttering and failing to kick start, blank emptiness as panic circles around and around inside and all I want is to be anywhere but here.