And there he is, son of a bitch, sadistic and cruel all in one venomous sentence as he lets go of me to stumble on my own jelly legs. As though I am something disgusting to the touch. He steps back and just glares at me as I sway on my feet, tears hitting harder than before and that aching spiking pain in my tummy spreads to my chest and throat.
‘‘It’s not a lie, why do you think I am this drunk and this upset? You keep pushing me out of your life.’’ I sound desperate and I sound pathetic—even I can hear it, and I cannot stop the torrent of tears rolling down my cheeks. I have never allowed myself to be this way in front of any man since Rick raped me in my own home. He has no idea how far from a game plan this is. I have no plan at all.
Alexi starts clapping his hands in a soft applause, startling me with a jump, and he smirks at me coldly. It’s not exactly the reaction I was expecting, and it stills my tears for a moment as I just stare right back at him, bleeding out from my heart. Completely confused at his response.
‘‘Bravo, great performance baby … really had me hook line and sinker for sure! Now … What exactly is it you want, so we can avoid the amateur dramatics and get down to the point? I don’t do manipulation and if you think I’ll be swayed by this shit, you’re wrong. I don’t give a fuck about you and I have plans, so spit it out.’’ He moves in close enough to say it in my face with meaning and hatred, then moves away and heads past me to go retrieve a bottle of whisky from the counter and pours himself a drink, oblivious to my emotional distress.
He really is a hard-hearted prick. I cast my eyes over blondie on her perch, who is staring at her nails and looking completely smug about what’s happening, and throw her a filthy look. She’s all fake nails, fake hair, fake tits and fake lips, under a cheap slutty dress and fake designer shoes. A pale reflection of what I offered him.
I hate her as much as I hate myself right now and I wish I had more sense than to come and do this. This is exactly how I should have known it would be.
‘’I just want you to care.’’ I turn back to watch him and try like crazy to stop the waterfall pouring down my face, but he has a knack of finding new ways to pull pain from deep within me and inflict it in higher doses. If I thought I was crushed with it before he walked in, I’m at new levels now and struggling to breathe.
‘‘Well I don’t, in fact, since I met you my life has been one constant headache, and I am looking forward to never laying eyes on you again. Does that sound like someone who gives a shit about you, London?’’ His cruelty and the way he looks at me over his shoulder before he throws his drink down his throat almost ends me and I break into a thousand pieces once again, like the many other times he has done this.
‘‘Why do you have to be this way? Why are you so hateful towards me? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?’’ It’s out in a rush of trembling words, tripping over each other and almost incoherent in a garbled mess. I sound whiny and pathetic almost on my knees with the effort of keeping the room still, everything spinning away from me as alcohol courses through my system and makes this situation a whole lot worse.
‘‘Maybe because you think you are more important than any of the other women in my life and push past your station at every opportunity. You need a reality check … You are nothing but a trashy whore who let me fuck you more than once and can’t accept that’s all this has been. Money and sex, and now I’m done with you.’’ He shrugs me away and turns back to pour himself a second drink, jaw tight and brows dipped, not even trying to conceal his anger at me.