He walks around the car and I almost break in two when he opens the passenger door and helps a tall leggy blonde out, resting his palm on her back in a gentlemanly and very touchy-feely manner as he guides her towards the building confidently. Rushing her out of the rain.
I want to scream and drag her away from him, fiery rage instantly coursing through my veins and my brain crashing like a tidal wave. Anger and pain coursing through me, jealousy and heartbreak with a crushing ache from him being with someone else.
I hate him. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting him to show up here with a date and I had no plan for what I should do if he had a woman with him.
I sag and start to cry against the metal bin, burying my face in my arms to let it all out before I start to try and get my head together. I should go and not keep doing this to myself, but something inside of me doesn’t want to. I came to see him, came to confront him one last time and drunk logic is pulling me to my feet and in the direction he went. Pushing it down and ignoring the lump in my throat and the spiking ache in my stomach as I heave and swallow down my hysteria. I console myself as best I can and take the steps after him to the door which has swung shut in the dark night air behind him.
I’m talking myself out of it even as I cross the park, well trying to, but my body is not getting the memo and I key in the access code as soon as I come level with it. The gentle beep and then the click of the door opening does not deter me. Stubborn headed and emotionally stuck on this path, I slide in unseen and enter the empty dark hall, thanking my lucky stars they haven’t put on the lights down here yet. I can’t hear Alexi’s voice down the hall, so I bank right to the lifts which are dimly lit and concealed. I keep my face downwards as I pass against the wall under the camera here.
If security is watching the screens then they might not guess it’s me. My hair is soaked so it looks dark, almost mahogany and it’s tied back, so in shadow it would look brown on the cameras low resolution in the dark. I am dressed like any of the girls when they come on shift so he will think I am one of them arriving early.
It’s amazing that even while banging into walls and tripping over my own feet with my blurry vision and cotton wool brain that I have gotten this far, and as I watch the lift doors close I sigh with relief, unable to believe I managed to get in here unseen and unstopped by any of his men. Metaphorically high fiving myself as I take another long steadying breath I dry my tears as the lift transports me up to the top floor.
I have one last moment of doubt over what I am doing and shake myself.
He is here with a woman, maybe already walking into the apartment to do God knows what with her. He doesn’t want me here, he doesn’t want me to see him and nothing I say to him will change that. I have no idea why I am still pursuing this.
Will he really stand and listen to me going on at him about how he has done me wrong? He’s Alexi, he doesn’t give a shit. I stick to the wall at the side, concealed by the doors when it opens on the second and third floor. I can hear voices, but none are Alexi and I stay put until I hit the apartment floor, then slide out fast as I know for sure that security is bound to have seen me by now.
My palm hits the access panel outside the door and before I have a moment to ponder if he has removed my print to access the door it clicks open, and I am inside in a second.