‘’Why are you doing this?’’ I look at him forlornly, confused that he cares about me after everything. I never did anything to try and earn it, but he does. If only it had been that simple when it came to Alexi!
Mico furrows his brow cutely and looks at the floor as though I have embarrassed him by asking.
‘’We are a funny breed, the Carreros. Even with what we are and what we do … some of us have an ounce of decency and I hate to see women trapped by their circumstances in this world. Despite what year this is, this is still very much a man’s world and you are a pawn being bounced around and used with no value other than a toy. I want to help break you out and save you from a lifetime of misery, Camilla. Alexi is not your hero ... he is so caught up in his own head that he cannot see past his suspicion and mistrust, and he is aiming all his frustrations at you. I love my cousin but he can be a son of a bitch sometimes. He won’t let any woman in and you are no exception, even if you do have an effect on him on some level.’’ Mico shifts on his feet and looks defeated for a moment, his posture sagging slightly, and it only fuels more tears.
I get what he is saying, he knows I have feelings for Alexi, and he knows like I do, they mean nothing to him.
‘‘I never wanted to fall for him you know? It wasn’t part of the plan.’’ I don’t know why I am telling him this. I guess I just need someone to tell, someone to talk to. Something I have never had in my life—that longing for just one friend.
‘’Alexi has that way about him and women seem to fall at his feet no matter how he treats them. I wish I could say you were unique, but the sad truth is a lot of women have fallen in his wake and cried themselves sick. You deserve someone who treats you well and a new life away from all this shit. Someone to really save you from the horror of it all. Alexi won’t.’’ That’s a statement I already knew but didn’t have the strength to hear someone else say, and it wounds me to the core. More tears fill my vision more intensely and I brush them away.
‘‘I don’t need a hero Mico, I need to stop following the same path in life that leads me to men like Alexi. I need to work on being my own saviour and make smarter choices, and I need to stop putting myself in shitty circumstances.’’
Isn’t that the truth!
I once heard someone say ‘’People are like water, they find their own level and attract like.’’ I guess because I am trash and I deserve the shit I endure, this is maybe where I belong. Mico smiles sadly.
‘’I think that’s part of what gets under his skin … You are a survivor, tough and resilient. You bounce back from the worst shit and don’t take much lying down. It makes him feel like he has no control over you, and it makes you unpredictable. You are also the first woman, who isn't blood, that has ever had the balls to repeatedly defy him. He doesn’t know how to take that from mere playthings.’’ A compliment maybe, or just an observation. It’s the sad reality and it bites.
He smiles affectionately and for a brief second I feel a moment of warmth. I guess this is the first time in my life I have someone even close to being genuine.
Well Sophie, I guess. She tried, but I made sure I didn’t ever let it reciprocate, and yet, in the end, she acted like a true friend when she saved my arse. I treated her appallingly and cruelly and it has followed me like a bad smell, eating at my conscience even though it’s not something I ever battled with in my past. Guilt was alien to me until her. Since Sophie, I just feel like I am slowly losing the icy wall of indifference and my stupid emotions are all over the place. Maybe it’s not Sophie … maybe it’s because King Carrero swooped in right from that moment and it’s because of him my emotions have been crazily out of control ever since. He infected me in the worst kind of ways. Damn the Carrero bloodline.
‘‘I guess we are just not compatible like you said, we bring out the worst in one another, right?’’ It’s said to remind myself more than looking for his agreement and as we both nod, he moves to go.
‘’9 a.m … Be ready for a new chapter. I’ll try and put you someplace that gives you a chance. The rest will be on you.’’
‘‘Mico …’’ I call after him, wiping my face again and he pauses to look back. ‘‘Thank you.’’ It’s heartfelt and emotional. It’s all I manage to get out as my throat closes up with emotion and almost chokes me. Mico smiles softly, getting how much I mean it before he slides out and leaves me to myself and my woes.
After I am done packing and I am all alone in Alexi’s apartment I wander around aimlessly trying to find something to pass away the hours I have left here. I am cried out and empty, feeling listless and raw and just hoping I can distract myself from all that I feel right now. It’s raining out, overcast, grey and cold. It is barely mid-afternoon, and I have nothing to watch or read that will hold my interest. How can it when my head has one image and one thought.