I am so sick of him thinking he can do whatever he wants with me and that I won’t put up a fight. I know I am poking the bear, but I am in a world of pain anytime we have any sort of interaction, and I am so tired of laying down and taking it from him. I deserve more.
‘’I think you know what I am capable of Cam … don’t test me.’’ His huskiness is more intense, and I can almost imagine those soulless grey eyes boring into my skull, sending shivers through every part of me, but I don’t care. He is trying to intimidate me and control me again and he can’t stop me from running. I ran from Chicago just like I ran from London, from England, from Texas and Detroit and a million other places too. I ran from Tyler … Nowhere in my life have I ever been able to stop running scared, stop looking behind me and leaving bad memories in my wake … until Alexi came into my life and held me still for a while.
Chicago is just another bad memory full of enemies, and I will be thrown back into the lion’s den if I go back there. I would rather be brutalised by Alexi’s wrath than face the goons awaiting me in Chicago. More old debts and bad blood, men I screwed over and women who didn’t like me on their patch. If I am heading to something Alexi owns, then I can pretty much be certain it’s in an area that I have been before and surrounded by people who won’t have forgotten me. I knew who he was even back then.
‘‘I don’t care, do your worst. It’s preferable than going back to some shithole I ran far away from, and if snapping my neck is what you are threatening, then why not save us both the hassle and have Mico do your bidding. He is in the next room after all.’’ I snap loudly and we both fall into some silent standoff, the air crackling with electricity, even though we are on two phones in separate places and I can almost feel his anger radiating down into my ear. I am breathing hard and brush away the tears which have managed to roll down my cheek, my body vibrating with adrenaline and anger, a tinge of fear.
‘‘I’m not doing this on the phone. You ARE going to Chicago and I’ll drag you to the plane if I have to. Get packed, I can have it on the airfield in thirty minutes and will come take you there myself. The sooner the fucking better!’’ He is trying to reign in the control but that famous temper is getting the better of him and his voice is somewhere between that cool effortless evil and a raspy aggressive rage.
‘’Fuck you. So I am no longer allowed to recover from whatever sickness I had, right?’’ I spit sarcastically, knowing that me being unwell won’t stop a short plane ride in his eyes.
‘’You dare to defy me then expect sympathy? Baby, you have no fucking idea what I will come there and do to you.’’ In so few words every ounce of blood and bravado drains from my body. He hangs up before I get the chance to answer, heart pounding through my chest and adrenaline takes over. I know that means he is coming here and right now. There is no way in hell I am letting him come over here to force his will on to me and show me who is boss once more.
I have no clue what he is going to do if I put up a fight and refuse to go, but I am not hanging around to find out. I do know what he is capable of, and I’ll be damned if I am waiting for his arrival in a filthy mood with his sadistic mind on bending me to breaking point and forcibly putting me on a plane. He isn’t against restraints or manhandling.
I throw on black trousers, a Lycra top and flat boots without hesitation, no thought necessary, and pull my damp hair into a ponytail. I am panicking, rushing around and throwing myself together in a haphazard manner with no clue how I am going to get out of the apartment without Mico intervening. I need to though, I won’t go to Chicago and I sure as hell am not going to endure another Alexi punishment because I have riled him. Not when I am this weak and unable to deal with him.
He's broken me, I know it and he does too. There’s not much fight left and I cannot handle another scene like the club. I don’t want his hands on me again or his anger aimed my way.
I start throwing my clothes and belongings into the cases I have slid under the bed, throwing everything in while trying to formulate some kind of plan of escape. I wonder if the fire exit is a plausible way to get out but looking at my cases I may have to rethink what I am taking. I despair for a moment and then pull out essentials only and start rummaging for a black holdall to carry what I need. Bare minimum, running again just like so many times before and leaving everything I own behind me.