My whole persona is a lie that ingrained itself inside of me through repetitive use. I created this girl and buried Lisa—she and my battered emotions are a thing of the past.
‘’Do you need anything? I can make you a drink or food.’’ The girl is watching me far too closely, even though I still feel weak and clammy, I don’t want her here and fussing. I have never been good at letting people take care of me and especially not someone who isn’t medical staff. No one cared before, so this is a new experience and I feel completely uncomfortable with her probing presence.
‘’I need space and privacy. I want to get up, shower and make some tea. I appreciate what you all did but really, I just want quiet time to vegetate.’’ I sound completely ungrateful and I know it. Mico didn’t need to tend to me. Alexi … I don’t even know where to begin. I just know as soon as I am well he will dump me on a flight to Chicago and be done with me, that is what he planned. I want to get better on my own, and mentally get used to the idea that I am being shipped off to a place I do not want to go back to.
‘‘I understand that.’’ She looks disappointed, weirdly. Mico has left an arsenal of meds by my bed. I vaguely remember him putting them there and whatever Doctor Wilson injected me with has pushed this sickness out the window, so I am good to go and on the mend. I no longer need a nursemaid and I do not want one.
‘’Do you know what the doctor gave me?’’ I query, almost sure Mico wouldn’t let some unqualified quack at me, even if Alexi would. It’s not like I haven’t put a lot of toxic shit in my body in the past, but I am always wary knowing my mother was an addict and I probably have an addictive personality too. I just like to keep track of these things.
‘‘Antibiotics mostly. A high dose to kick whatever it was out of your system and some meds to bring your fever down. He couldn’t give you anything orally, so he went for injection and Alexi said to go for it. Is he your guardian?’’
Again, with the naïve blinking, questioning all his motives and decisions like she doesn’t know what a huge control freak he is and I just shrug.
‘’Technically, I guess.’’ Seeing as he owns my soul. Thinks he does anyway.
‘’I figured you were close. I think it’s cute to finally see him care about a girl. He always dates women he doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about.’’ She’s smiling oddly, full dimples and fluttering eyelashes and it just irritates me.
Okay girly, enough of the chit-chat, you have no clue what you are talking about and I have no desire to do this anymore. Mildly getting annoyed and impatient with her hanging around me and that just stirs up my bitch side. I heave a heavy sigh to give her the final hint. ‘‘I think I will take a bath, a long soak in the tub. Feel free to leave, I’m a capable swimmer and I’m feeling much better, so I doubt I will pass out and drown.’’ I make to move and ignore that look of complete rejection on her face. Confused why a young teen would want to hang around me. I don’t even like people and especially not little girls with overly cute personalities and ridiculous ideas about men.
I need space, quiet and food in that order and a plan about what I am going to do about getting out of being packed off to Chicago.