I’m surprised to hear Mico talking so candidly to someone he never seems to question. I guess they think I am totally out cold and can't hear them talking around me, because let’s face it, I am planked out star-shaped on a bed with a dead expression, closed eyes and barely able to move and I probably look like I am in a coma.
I wish I was, and maybe I would not feel so wretched or out of my head on crazy hallucinogens.
I like Mico, he’s a thug and a brutal henchman, but I like the fact he’s probably the first person I have ever met that shows any concern for me, except maybe Gino. He seemed to do that too for a brief moment in that posh house so very far away.
I wonder why he has a family home that he never uses.
Focus Camilla … stop floating off on the sea breeze.
Jesus, I am definitely high.
‘‘You’re not taking her in the shower or stripping her, I’m the only one who’s going to do that.’’ There's that edge of possessiveness and I literally cannot move a muscle. I feel paralysed from the waist down and yet the weird dreamlike state is doing a great job of not caring about anything anymore. It’s like being merry drunk just, you know, without the merry and just the drunk.
‘‘What, you don’t trust me? You think I’m going to do anything to her? I have more respect for her than anyone … More than you fucking do. You need to lay off her, let her go and realise who you’re fucking throwing accusations at. You may be the family front man Lex, but I’m still a Carrero and an equal voice in how things go down.’’ Mico sounds angry and I wish I could open my eyes to see what they’re doing. It’s weird listening to an argument when your brain is blocking out any sense of what they are physically doing and playing the sound of rushing waves in your ears at loud levels.
‘’I don’t trust anyone when it comes to her, she’s bad news and I curse the day she walked into my life.’’
‘’All the more reason to just go. I’ll make sure she gets well, and then I’ll take her to Chicago and leave her there like you planned. She will be out of your hair and off Santagato’s radar for good.’’ I hold still as I listen intently and a part of me reconnects with my heart beating faster, a tiny ounce of hope that this is the reason he did this to me, to protect me from that man, and that maybe I was right, that night did mean something.
Like a homing beacon in outer space that just locked onto an Earth signal, my brain comes zooming back to perk up and listen intently for any slight hope that my devil is doing something for me because there is something in him that cares about me. ‘’I should have let her die that night at the hands of Tyler’s men …‘‘ Alexi trails off, the room falling deathly silent and I feel that weight crushing in on me as my orbit implodes, the pain that comes from the things he says cuts me to the core, spinning me out into space and I realise how many times he’s done this to me.
He builds me up with a hint of hope or softness and then slashes me down brutally and destroys my head. I’m an idiot to ever give myself any false hope where Alexi is concerned. I will never learn. He will never care, he cannot stand me.
‘‘You’re a son of a bitch sometimes you know that? She’s better off a million miles away from this bullshit. The girl needs a decent break. Someone out there who will look after her and show her another life.’’ Mico sounds pissed, judgemental and I stay still as a statue as I just try to breathe through my disembodied ache, trying not to cry, and trying to stay conscious as darkness keeps tugging at me to follow it out into the silence.
‘‘So you keep telling me, women like her, they end up where they belong.’’ Alexi making it very clear that this is a feeling of responsibility and nothing else.
Women like me … whores, liars and opportunists.
That’s what he thinks I am, and all he sees is a jaded vessel who has been used by too many men.
I give up on my sad little ray of hope and just feel dishevelled once more. Trying hard to block them out and really pass out. Willing to give in to the darkness before he does any more mental damage to me.
Someone starts pulling my body but I can barely feel their hands on me. I’m not connected anymore and do not react at all, allowing myself to be hauled down the bed and manoeuvred. It just sends me further towards the darkness and I struggle to stay conscious this time, failing badly.
‘‘Well, I’ll make it my goal to make sure she ends up somewhere decent then, away from you, us and all the shit that goes with it. The girl needs a break in life,’’ Mico bites as I drift away so fast I can’t stop it and I finally get the relief of falling through the air to go nestle in the darkness where it’s painless, quiet and still.
A place where strong arms and warmth wrap around me and I start floating as we travel through space.