Songs for this chapter are:
Shibuya Roll Call - Andy Mineo ft Wordsplayed
Willy - Nobigdyl ft Andy Mineo
In silence - (It's Okay to not be Okay OST)
You're cold - Heize (It's Okay to not be Okay OST)
Stay Tonight - Asa
Saturday Night - Lecrae ft Jozzy
Take me Back - Maverick City Music ft Dante Bowe
Yemisi
The pain of atonement.
The hour has struck for the cross to be carried. Sacrifice is pain; every atom of it. Especially when the person's life you are sacrificing for is at the brink of total peril and you have no control over it whatsoever.
That was the most painful part of sacrifice and somehow, I could understand how it felt when a parent invests the heavens and the earth on a child and does so much for that child just so that he can turn out to be a success in life and then that child becomes delinquent and eventually turns into a nuisance in the society without even putting his parents and the priceless sacrifices they'd made for him into immense consideration.
That pain is pretty similar to what I am feeling right now because it feels like everything you did for that person has been nothing but a waste and a shedding of sweat, blood, and bitter tears.
Because above every sacrifice and self-denial that I had put in the line for Cassandra's sake, she was dying and there was nothing I could do about it other than to be there for her and pray to the God of the heaven and the earth and to his cohorts; the angels, Jesus Christ and on to everything whatsoever that hearkens onto his voice to save her life.
Above all of the sacrifice and immense efforts I had been putting despite how late they were, I still believed so much in Cassandra.
I believe she is going to do so well in life irrespective of the number of years she'd wasted pursuing vanity. I believe that she still has so much on earth to do, so much impact to make.
If there was one sibling I really rooted for from the depths of my enormous heart, it was Cassandra.
Demi was, of course, an excellent lady. It was what she was born to be and her success has always been so enviable little wonder why she has always had so many enemies but there was something I saw in Cassandra that I didn't see in my other siblings.
Cassandra's intellect has always blown my mind because she always knew so much for her age and often times, she had a better understanding than her teachers. Out of the six of us, Cassandra was the only one who was excellently brilliant enough to get admission into Yale University.
To say that Cassandra was a trailblazer might be putting it mildly because she was always very outstanding and people noticed her.
Everyone was attracted to her and many wanted to be friends with her despite the fact that there were people who ridiculed and mocked her for having a bizarre health condition. Everyone wanted to be in her business, to be able to walk and eat with her even if it was just for a day, of course, some were dying to date her and would always drop flowers. Some were desperate enough to drop flowers at our house and many wanted to know who she was in love with.
It was like they could see what I was seeing in her as well but that thing we all saw could not be explained because it was mighty and magnetic. It pulled a lot of people towards her; for good and for bad reasons.
I guess my brother, Alexander saw it too because he had deemed her worthy enough and had seen her as a great potential to be able to choose her as his business partner in an enterprise as classy as shoemaking.
I mean, if you can be partners with your sibling for something as major as that, then it meant that they were indeed, really smart because most times, you feel like you know more than they do especially when it's a younger sibling. It's not even about the love you have for them.
Business is business and Cassie was very capable of it.
Which explains why I never paid in-depth attention to her life because she was always busy doing some creative and occupying herself with so many lucrative activities. Sometimes, as a show of my love and support for her productivity, I would ask her to let me know if she needed anything and some times, she wouldn't hesitate to let me know about her needs and whenever she made requests, they were usually a little extreme but I would always go out of my way to satisfy them.
There was a time, she had asked me if I could let her stay at my house for some time. I couldn't really understand why but I'd let her stay. My children were fond of her too so she had a great time.
Little did I know that I'd been asking her the wrong question all along. Rather than taking time to ask, 'are you okay?' or 'why are you always indulging yourself in so many activities? Don't you think you're too young for that?', I'd only sought to reward her for a job well done.
But I knew that I couldn't beat myself up over that because It wasn't really my fault. I thought it was normal for her to be industrious because I did so much when I was at that age even though it was a different scenario in my case.
I just felt like I could have asked her those questions but I still cared greatly for her and would always be down to protect her if she was not okay but the bottom line is:
I am deeply rooting for her and I still have so much faith in her life. A whole lot of faith.
Dear Lord, Please keep my sister's life. There's still so many heights that she has to attain, so many depths to reach, so many treasures and purposes to discover, and an amazing cause to live for. She can't die now, can she? Of course, she can't. I know you still have so much in store for her. You were the same God who revived my brother, David from his mental illness and Demi from a fatal, demeaning loss. How much more Cassandra's life? I know this is not too much for you. I know her life is not too broken for you to restore. I really don't want to lose another sibling.
Almost as quick as a cheetah in motion, I find my way to my car and turn on the ignition. In no time, I am pivoting down the road recklessly on the expressway, attracting words of profanity from ignorant vehicle drivers and road users alike but there I was, trying my hardest not to cry.
Each intense grip on the steering wheel, the fast-tracking of my speed, and the buildings that passed by in a blur leaving me with a view of a large river by the bridge had only brought images of my sister more into my mind, the day that she had tried to drown herself in the sea if it wasn't for me who came to intervene, and now, the beeping machine I had heard on the phone call and how death was clearly going to be winning side this time around in a matter of...
No. No. No. No. No.
Slamming my feet on the brake with pristine force, the speed of my movement accelerated to 160km, zooming and zigzagging past cars that refused to make a way for me. If I really would want God to answer my prayers, then I myself must drive to the hospital like I want to see my sister live.
Then suddenly, I'd started to hear my car making funny noises, like the heavy breathing of exhaustion you make after running a marathon race. Has an engine in the car gone bad? Or...was it out of fuel?
Jeez. What is wrong with this damn car!
Slamming my fists loudly against the steering wheel in pure frustration, I step out of my car, taking off my shoes as well as I displaced them wherever and started to run; To run with absolutely no answer to the myriad of questions burning in my heart, to run as fast as my aging legs could carry me, to run as I ran on the beach when I saw Cassandra making an attempt to take her precious life.
I started to run along the streets I had driven into before my car decided to join forces with the icy operations of death so its mission can be accomplished faster than I could blink my eyes.
But the devil is a liar and so is his every operation.
Thankfully, I'd covered a great distance so the race to the hospital didn't take me up to thirty minutes but the time I had spent running, nearly being run over by several passing vehicles and attracting stares from pedestrians and market woman that read, 'who is this lunatic?' was one of the most torturous minutes of my life.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Slash. Slosh. Slash.
I'd kept on hearing these sounds; the turbulent tide of the sea and the incessant beeping of the machine competing so badly to welcome my sister and they messed with my mind gravely, taunted me for trying to be a messiah.
But...
God didn't fail...
The devil was indeed a liar...
The sea calmed down.
The machine ceased its terrifying noise.
And lo and behold, as I opened the door to my sister's ward, my enormous heart threatening to burst straight out of my chest with its hefty debacle, Death or life on the other side of the room, one emblem that was certainly waiting for me to meet with them, I saw my sister.
On her sickbed.
Every other thing and everyone else had vanished from my sight, including my siblings. It was no one else but her on that bed as the tears I'd successfully held throughout my journey fell mercilessly down my eyes like the rain on dry land. It fell so hard that I'd felt myself choke on them due to the urge and the battle for the speed of each and every single tear to drop.
She was alive.
And she was smiling at me...
***
Exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you and you will hold your peace."