I woke up with a pounding headache, it was precise because I didn't get enough sleep last night, he has even found his way into my dreams to torment me.....
I looked like I had survived a war, dark smudges were under my eyes, my eyes looked dull and my face was awfully pale...
Before yesterday my room was my haven where I could cry, console myself whenever he had hurt me...
But he destroyed it last night when he broke in...
I still remembered when I first saw him, it had been back then in middle school, I was only eleven and he'd been thirteen, he was the new boy with beautiful green eyes who had just moved to town and everyone had wanted to be friends with him.
But he always stayed by himself quietly, almost all the girls in my class had a crush on him and I wasn't exempted
I had also wanted to become his friend just like everyone else, on that fateful day in the cafeteria I could still remember vividly, I hadn't been watching where I was going and I bumped into him spilling my orange juice on his shirt.....
I had just begun to apologize when he shoved me away so roughly that I fell to the hard floor
"Are you blind!" He'd yelled,his fists were clenched as he stared at me in pure anger
I felt bad for myself right then when the whole school burst laughing
"I.I'm sorry" I whispered unwilling tears about to escape from my eyes
"Watch where you are going next time fatty " he sneered before storming off, the last part of his words drew more laughter and snickers from the other kids
I remembered crying the entire day at home and wouldn't eat anything, I had blamed myself for not watching my steps and managed to annoy him, but he also shouldn't have said those mean things to me.
The next day the other kids began to pick on me calling me mean names, it continued for several days until even my friends began to avoid me, none of them wanted to be linked with the fat girl, or a girl Hayden doesn't like.
One of the boys I couldn't remember his name went even as far as hitting me so badly against a desk while the others laughed as they watched
I remembered running to the bathroom and cried my eyes out, I refused to come out until the teacher searched for me...
Later that same day Hayden had gotten into a fight with the boy who had hit me, I remembered he'd looked so angry as he kept delivering cruel kicks and blows to the boy...
The look on his face had terrified me, he looked like he enjoyed every bit of pain he inflicted on the boy
He'd announced right then that no one was allowed to bully me or hurt me, in that moment he was my hero, my knight in shining amour only that I had been sadly mistaken...
He only wanted to inflict every pain on me himself...
I was the only one he seems to despise a lot and I spent a lot of nights wondering what I ever did to offend him aside from spilling my juice on him which I already apologize for...
He made sure to ridicule and embarrass me publicly with every opportunity, I had no friends, the teachers weren't paying attention or they just didn't care, Dad was always traveling, even the few times I had told mom she always brushed it aside without a serious mind to it, she always used these words "It's just part of the school , it will stop before you know it"
Only it didn't, it only got much worse
From then on I kept everything he did to myself, it was just bottled up inside of me, when middle school was over I had thought I would gain freedom from him and would finally..but it once again was a sad misconception on my part...
We were quite rich, dad's job was producing enough income, I had told them then that I wanted to transfer to another school but they had refused, they kept talking about how Waters High was the best high school around and I would have a bright future there, what they didn't know was that I only wanted to leave because of Hayden.....
Then it had gotten physical, he began to shove me around lockers and desks, spilling drinks over my clothes, he had only used words to hurt me back in middle school but as freshmen, he got even crueler...
Then I made a new friend Harry, who had stood up against Hayden and had tried to speak up for me once, I don't know what Hayden did to him even to date but he came to school one morning and refused to look at me straight in the eye, it had continued for days, when I confronted him about it he'd warned me to stay away from him, sooner after that he transferred to another school and I lost my only friend...
It got to a point that even the mention of his name could make me pee my pants, I had to obey him or face the consequences...
It had been limited to shoving, pushes , sometimes beatings if I disobeyed but then it changed
I was initially a late bloomer and at fifteen my chest was still almost flat, but during the summer break that had changed, my breast started growing bigger and bigger along with my butt and hips and Hayden had noticed...
Then the real bullying began, he made sure to call me mean names like slut, whore...bitch, and the rest of them...
He had also changed, he got bigger and his muscles became huge and well defined, his facial features also got more pronounced, his voice also got deeper and even scarier ...at least to me, the rest of the girls in our class were over him....they were always envious when they see me with him and hated me, they didn't see that the attention was unwanted, I always wondered why they didn't see how cruel he was to me...
He always stared at my body in a way that made me feel so exposed and ashamed at the way my body was so different from the rest of the other girls, his gaze always had something I couldn't decipher, something I now recognized to be lust...
I still remembered the night before he had left, it was the night of prom and I had been the only loser without a date, all the boys avoided me like I had the plague, I had not wanted to go but mom had forced me, she had even got me what she called "the perfect dress" and had done my hair, I had worn contacts that day at her insistence instead of my usual pair of glasses
The girls had stared at me with animosity when I walked in timidly, the boys stared in a way that made me nervous and overly conscious...
I had stayed in a quiet corner away from their unnerving gazes but still was unable to escape his notice
He'd found me.....
His gaze was so dark and I could feel cold rage emanating from him, I whispered when he yanked me so roughly
"What is a fucking loser like you doing here!" He sneered
I cowered away from the bright intensity of his gaze
"Look at me !" He snapped impatiently and I looked up at him immediately, my body shook with so much fear...
"I. I...didn't w..want t, i..swear!" I cried, his harsh grip on my shoulders were hurting so badly
"But we don't need whores here and you have to go dress up like one that you are!"
I shook my head, tears falling freely now, I had thought the dress was beautiful and it pretty much covered me up, even much more than what the other girls wore...
He pushed me against the wall roughly his harsh breath on my face
"You even let your hair down and wore your contacts, who were you trying to impress? " he seethed increasing the pressure on my shoulders
"No one!" I sobbed
The corners of his lips spread into a cruel smirk I knew all too well
"That's right no one wants an ugly slut like you and right now you'll regret ever coming to spoil my mood with your presence "
I expected him to hit me like he always did, but he did something different, something that scared me even more than his hits
He had flattered himself against me so close that my breast was flattened against his hard chest, his nose was buried in the crook of my neck as he inhaled deeply, I didn't get what he was doing until I felt his teeth graze my neck followed by his tongue, he roughly kissed, lick and nibble at my exposed collar and throat while I stood there helplessly, he'd stared into my terrified gaze for a long time before his fingers trailed to my chin to tilt it up to him
"Though I'm leaving you're still mine, you always will be..." He whispered in a voice so fierce and possessive
He then crashed his lips to mine, when I didn't open up he bit my lips hard, I gasped out and his tongue forced inside of my mouth, he moved aggressively inside me like he was famished, consuming every part of me,biting and sucking the little air out of my lungs
I had begun to struggle against him but he pinned my hands tightly in one of his as he continued his ravishing of my lips, he finally pulled back slowly and we both worked to catch our breaths...just at that moment I didn't see his hate for me in his eyes, he was looking at me as if he was taking all my features in, then he stormed off leaving me more confused than ever, why did he kiss me? and the way he had looked at me......?
It dawned on me that he had just taken my first kiss...
I didn't quite understand the meaning of the words he'd told me until when I got to school the next day, I heard students discussing that he was gone, that he'd moved with his family to another state.....
I had been so relieved but the fear he had instilled in me was still strong inside
I lived with the trauma he had inflicted on me and had just started to get over all those years and everything he'd done to me and now he's returned...
This time he said he specifically came back for me.....
He's beginning to shatter my soul again and this time I feel like I would be completely consumed by his darkness