ESTELLE
“We should do this often, Mom,” I suggested before we went to our cars waiting for us.
“I’d love that, honey, but I know what you’re doing.”
“I just wanna have dinner with you like we used to.” I’d been avoiding any questions or topics about Linden. I was grateful Mom understood that while we were having dinner.
“Fine, but because I wanted you to enjoy the meal earlier. Call your husband. You can shout at him, hit him, curse him, or let him sleep in the other room, but you can’t avoid him all the time. Soon, you need him.”
“He lied to me and hurt me. If he’s really sorry, where is he, Mom? He missed my birthday, and I’m not sure he knows my birth date.”
“You pushed him away. I’m sure he’s just waiting for you to tell him to come back, and one of you should swallow your pride and talk about the problem.”
“I should go. I will arrange a small gender party reveal maybe next week.”
“Go home. We’ll talk about it over the phone, or maybe I will hire a party planner.”
“I can do it, Mom. I will do it at home.”
Mom pursed her lips. She wasn’t amused. “You can’t keep doing this. This isn’t healthy, and it will affect the baby, Estelle. Stop deflecting.”
“Bye, Mom.” I kissed her on the cheek. “Love you.”
I quickly got in the car before she could say more. I was still mad at Linden. I hadn’t been over what he’d done. I expected him to resist when I pushed him away, but he didn’t. It had been a week, and no one had ever heard from him or knew where he was.
I wanted to ask Moses and Qamar, but I was ashamed, and they were loyal to Linden. I didn’t want Linden to think I still wanted him back. I was giving him a chance to make amends for his mistake before I decided to file for divorce.
Divorce was my last straw. I didn’t want to do it because I still thought that raising my kid alone wasn’t a good idea. It affected the child. I knew it through my experience, but Linden was pushing my limit.
Since I had a talk with Jasper, I haven’t heard from him either. His words about giving Linden a chance enlightened me, but I wanted my husband to realize and decide who was his priority.
To be honest— I could be selfish, but in a few months, I wanted him to prioritize his daughter. Sooner, she would need a father. When he decided to come back, I hoped he learned to think of us before he planned on going on a suicide mission again.
“If you need anything, let me know.”
I smiled at Qamar as I entered the house. “I have maids. You can take a break. I’m not going anywhere tonight.”
“Good night, ma’am.”
“Good night.” Every time I entered a home, it reminded me of Linden. If I was being honest, I missed him. Yeah, I still loved him very much. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I had hope for our relationship because this was not just something that we could say quit when we had issues.
I admitted my decision was rushed and harsh and based on anger. I was carried away by my emotions. I didn’t think of the cons, but he hadn’t put too much fight for it either.
I entered my room and turned on the light. My feet were painful. I already felt the weight gain struggle. My baby was growing fast. Last night, I thought she had moved. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if she had her first kick. I was so happy and cried with joy because it was a reminder that my baby was healthy and strong.
I took off my shoes one by one and wished I could have a good foot massage. Lately, I didn’t have time for it. I’d been busy helping and throwing ideas about baby products. We tried to create something organic and eco-friendly packaging as well.
Shutting the door closed, I leaned against the door. I felt like I lacked the strength to change my clothes or even remove my makeup. I was exhausted.
“Are you okay?”
I yelped. My pouch slipped from my grip. My shoes dropped on the floor with a thud. My eyes went wide, realizing I wasn’t alone anymore.
With my heart still galloping in my chest, I asked, “What the hell are you doing in my bed and my house?”
“You look tired.” Linden was already in sweatpants and a shirt, lying in my bed, feeling comfy.
“Jeez. Thanks.” My eyes narrowed in anger as he looked so ruggedly handsome and fresh. His beard was a little a week longer than usual. “I’m busy with work. I don’t have time to take a vacation. Unlike you, you seem to have fun for a week.”
“It wasn’t a vacation, and I never had fun. I drank my sorrows and agony.”
“Good for you. I wish I could drink.” I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t do that. It’s not good for you and our baby.”
“Don’t ignore my question, Linden. Why are you here?” I was still standing at the door. When he got up, my back stiffened.
“I’m done running away from my pain. It didn’t go away. Instead, I might end up with liver cirrhosis or cancer if I kept drinking, and our problem would still be there. And I remembered one thing while I was away.”
“What’s that?”
“My wedding vows. I shouldn’t have left.”
“Go home.” I went to my walk-in closet, and I felt him following me.
I took off my jewelry in front of my vanity, and he was standing behind me.
“Don’t. Don’t touch me,” I said when he was about to wrap his arms around me. I ignored the pain in his eyes. I loved him, but he needed to understand that he broke my heart and hurt me, and if he wanted to be in my life, he should learn to share everything with me, not just his heart or his body, but his life.
“I missed you.” I could barely hear what he said.
“I’m not ready to forgive you, Linden.”
“You took off your ring.” Yeah, he noticed that. I used my ring and took off my wedding band and his engagement ring. I was making a point. Now that he saw it, good for him. Yay.
“Yeah.”
“I’m surprised I still haven’t received the divorce notice.”
“I’m waiting for you to come back. Expect it next week on your desk.”
“I wasn’t being sarcastic or excited over it, Estelle. I want you to give me a chance.”
“You had your chance, but you blew it.” I zipped down my dress, but he hadn’t moved. “A little privacy, please?”
His brows met. “I’ve seen you naked. I’m still your husband, Estelle. You can get naked in front of me, and I’m not going to touch you until you let me.”
“Out, Linden.” Every time I called him Linden, he winced. Deep inside me, I had a little celebration. I didn’t want him to suffer because it hurt me too. I just wanted to make my point.
When he left the room, I changed into pajamas and did my skincare routine. I was expecting him to be gone and go home, but I was wrong. He was reading a parenting book.
“Do you want me to kick you out?”
“You can call the cops if you want, but I’m not going anywhere.” He barely lifted his gaze. He went on reading again.
“At least, get a room. Sleep in the guest room, Linden. I’m not sharing a bed with you.”
“Why?” He lifted his gaze from the book he was reading.
“You know why?”
“I honestly don’t. If you are concerned that I will touch you in the middle of the night. Forget about it. I care about you. I respect you, and I won’t ever force my hand on my wife and the mother of my child.”
“I’m tired. I don’t want to argue. I need peace. Please?”
“You won’t even know I’m here. Come to bed, baby.” He moved to the side to give me the space.
I ignored the skipping in my heartbeat when he called me baby. God, how much I wanted to despise him, but I just couldn’t. I loved this man more than I had loved anyone.
“Just go to another room. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Okay.” He nodded even if he looked hurt. When he got up from bed, I wanted to take it back, but I forced myself not to give in to my feelings.
I went to bed as soon as he left the room. I could still smell him on the pillow, in my duvet. I shut the light off and closed my eyes when tears stung my eyes.
A gasp slipped my lips. My eyes were wide. I was already wide awake when I felt a hand on my tummy.
“Did she just move?” A groggy voice behind my ear froze me.
“How are you here?” I turned to him, and he was staring at me.
“I let you sleep first. Then I came back.” At least he was honest this time. “I didn’t lock the door.” Clever, but I still wanted to punch him.
“Oh, my God.” I put my palm on my lower abdomen as I chuckled. “She really moves.”
“Can you lie on your back?”
Overwhelmed, I did as he said. He then got up and pressed his ear on my tummy. It was adorable. No matter how I wanted to be selfish, this was also his child.
“Hey, sweetheart. I’m your daddy. I feel you, sweetheart, and you just woke up mommy.”
I bit off my smile. I believed he loved his baby. I had no doubt, and if this would make our baby feel loved, I would give it to her.
“She stops.” He turned his head to face me.
“I think she doesn’t kick much right now. Maybe next month or two, it will be frequent.”
“This isn’t the first time?” His cheek was still on my tummy, but he made sure he didn’t put pressure on it.
“I think she did yesterday. The same time, but I thought I was dreaming.”
“That’s beautiful.” He smiled. It even reached his eyes.
“Yeah.”
He sat down to face me. “Go back to sleep.”
When I turned to my side, I felt the bed dip, and I couldn’t sleep anymore.
“I will do everything for you to gain the trust I lost, even if it takes a lifetime. I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”
I listened, and I had a feeling he knew I was still awake.
“Do you want me to go back to the guest room?”
“Yes.”