ESTELLE
“I’m not doing that. He can’t control me.” I thought my anger was permanently settling in my chest. It had been almost two days, and I was still angry at Linden.
“He’s not. That’s his belief, and he’s the baby daddy, Estelle.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? I’m your daughter, Mom. You’re supposed to be telling me to run when there’s a sign of a red flag. He’s bad news.”
Mom cocked a brow. “Is he, though? Then why did you sleep and stay with him? Why did you let him get you pregnant if he’s bad news? I don’t see a red flag either than being a responsible baby daddy. I think that’s admirable because he didn’t even tell you to remove the baby or blame you for getting pregnant.”
“He can’t blame me. He’s the one who didn’t use condoms, and I was on a pill, but I might have missed a dose. I don’t know.” I shrugged. When it was unusual for mother and daughter to talk about sex, but not with us.
“TMI, Estelle.” Mom just smiled as she sipped her coffee.
I went out of the office to take a break because I couldn’t just sit and work and pretend I wasn’t hurting.
“I’m sorry. Why do you like him so much?” I asked her. I wanted to know the truth.
“He’s a good man. You’re lucky he asked you to marry him, but where is the ring?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me, young lady.”
“It wasn’t a proposal. He just found out I was pregnant, punched my door closet, began yelling, and told— no, correction, gave me an ultimatum, and I hated it. I don’t like people telling me what to do. What about what I want, Mom? What about my choices? See, now he’s showing up his true color.”
Mom pursed her lips as she shook her head. It was still my fault. I could see that all over her face.
“Wait. Did he call you?”
“He asked for my blessings.”
“He didn’t just— Oh, my God.” I became a little hysterical with my reaction, still ignoring the people inside the coffee shop looking in my direction. “After he yelled into my face, he still hasn’t even apologized. And I haven’t seen him since yesterday. I may have to cancel the movers. No. I’m canceling the movers because I’m not moving in with him. It doesn’t mean I am pregnant with his child that I also have to stay with him. I’m my own person.” I pressed my lips into a thin line and crossed my arms over my chest.
“You need a lot of support, emotional, physical, and you need to make a decision together, Estelle. Marriage is another thing. Having a child is another. You should be thankful he’s taking responsibility and not running away. Think of his feelings. You’ve known you’re pregnant for weeks and kept it to yourself. I know you are terrified, but so does he. He’s afraid he’s not going to be a good father and a husband, knowing he grew up without a mother, but so far, he’s doing a great job.”
“We can co-parent. We don’t have to get married,” still stubborn, I tried to lay down my plan to Mom, hoping it would work.
“Honey.” Mom held my hand. “You will never be like me or your dad. You are your own person. When I was your age, I didn’t have Star. I didn’t have billions of money. I barely made ends meet because my parents only cared was me getting married to Gustav. One thing I was blessed with was you. You are better than both of us. Don’t ever compare or think you would end up like us.”
I drew a deep breath. “I’m afraid to fail as a woman, as a mom, as a wife. I can’t do that to my child or Gabriel.”
“That’s why you have each other. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with failure. When you stumble, learn from it, stand up, and make a good choice. Do you understand me? You took risks. You take risks in business, then be brave in your relationship.”
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“It’s okay to be afraid. Honey, do you have doubts?”
“Doubts that he will abandon us? No. Doubts that he cares for me? No. My doubts are my decisions. My doubt is for myself.”
“Then take a leap.”
***
Two days later, I hadn’t heard anything from Linden. He was giving me a cold shoulder for keeping my pregnancy to myself. I didn’t plan on getting knocked up, but here I was because of what I did— I was taking responsibility. And I loved my child even if I hadn’t held her because this kid was mine, my flesh and blood.
“Breathe. It’s going to be okay.”
“I don’t know, Micah. Why is every time I come to my appointment I feel nervous? I know my baby is healthy, but I’m still scared and excited to see her again.”
“Her?”
“I feel it’s her.”
“I’ve never been pregnant, but I think it’s normal, especially for a first-time parent.” At least she never left, even if it wasn’t a part of her job anymore— Micah was constant in my life.
“Estelle, Dr. Chesca is ready to see you now.”
I got up from the chair. “Thank you.”
“Thank you, nurse. I’m coming with her too. The baby daddy.” His enthusiastic voice seemed like he just arrived and catching his breath.
I froze in my place. What the hell is he doing here? How did he know my appointment? I looked at Micah, and she just gave me a shrug.
“Very well then.” The nurse opened the door, giving us the way.
“Good to see you again, Estelle. How are you feeling?”
“I’m good. I think I gained a few pounds.”
“Maybe a little, but you should eat more,” Linden answered, making my doctor smile.
“So you’re the baby daddy?”
“Gabe Linden, ma’am. We’ve met. The guy with a heartache.” He offered his hand for a handshake.
“Yeah. I remember, but I think I know you from somewhere.”
“You’re Adley’s doctor. Adley Kross-Creed. I think London’s too.”
“Yes. I am.”
“They are my friends.”
“So, are you ready to see your baby?”
“I’m dying too. I could have been there for them, but the mother kept the amazing news from me.”
I shut my mouth as I lay in bed.
Doctor Chesca couldn’t help but smile. “Well, it’s never been too late, and you still have time to make it up for them, and hopefully, you will stick around.”
“Oh, I’m sticking around. I’m up for the long haul,” he replied with confidence.
“Great.”
“Is that?”
“Easy, daddy.” Dr. Chesca chuckled while I glared at him all the time as the good doctor tried to get a good angle. Then the heartbeat became so audibly clear it made my heart melt when I heard it.
“My child’s heartbeat,” Linden said. His voice was the softest I’d ever heard from him. His gaze was glued to the screen.
“And that is your child in twelve weeks. In your next appointment, Estelle, we’ll find out the sex of your baby.”
“Can we not reveal it?”
“Yeah. I agree,” of course, he did.
“Of course,” the doctor said.
“How is the baby, doctor?” Linden asked, and the doctor was done with the ultrasound, and the nurse cleaned up the gel. I wasn’t expecting him to help me, but he did. He cleaned up my tummy and helped me get up.
“Thanks.”
“The baby is healthy. So far, so good. Now that you both are here, we can talk— wait, are you two together?”
“Yes,” Linden answered quickly.
“No.”
The doctor paused as she looked at me and Linden.
“We are, doctor. She’s just angry at me. I was pissed off because she kept our pregnancy from me for weeks, and she was—”
“Just shut up,” I told him.
“See?”
“Okay. It’s none of my business, but if you two are not ready to discuss the labor plans, then we can talk about it again when you, especially Estelle, are really to choose.”
“I would like to be involved. She’s my girlfriend— fiancee.”
“I didn’t say yes,” I countered him.
“Not yet, but you’re marrying me.”
Doctor Chesca remained silent in her chair, her hands on her desk as she watched us banter like kids.
“Cocky much?”
“Okay, guys. I have patients waiting. You two can talk about it when you’re at home. Do you still take your vitamins, Estelle?”
“Yes, doctor.”
“Wait. You don’t have that nausea in the morning?” Wow. Now he was concerned about my well-being when he was gone for three days? How I wanted to punch him, I already fisted my hand. I looked at the hand he used to hit my closet. I saw bruises on the knuckles, but he never seemed sorry for what he did.
“You mean morning sickness,” Dr. Chesca corrected him.
“Yes.”
“No,” I said.
“Wow. That’s great. Our baby is already helping you.”
I was supposed to go with Qamar waiting for me at the parking lot, but I couldn’t find him or the car near where he last parked it.
“Where did he go?”
“You’re coming home with me.”
“I’m not going with you.”
“This is not up for a negotiation, Estelle.” When he was so sweet earlier, like a little puppy, he was now back to being a mad bull.
“I don’t think you understand when I say—”
“Get in the car, Estelle.” He cut in. “Or I will stuff you in instead.”
“How long do you think you can keep me, Linden?” I met his gaze, challenging him.
His eyes narrowed a little when I called him Linden. Now I knew one thing how to piss him off. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”
“God, I hate you.” I got in the car because it was hot outside and I didn’t want to draw attention. Nowadays, everything is documented on video and posted online.
“Don’t say that again.”
“Make me, and I will say what I want to say. You can’t stop me, you dick.”
“Just calm down, Estelle. That’s not good for our baby.”
“Will you just shut up!” Suddenly, I felt like my chest was going to burst. I just wanted to cry it out.
I wanted to cry rivers when he left my room that day, but it didn’t happen. I was hurt so much for leaving me when I needed him the most, for breaking that promise that he wouldn’t leave me.
“You have the audacity to get mad at me.”
“I get it. You’re still mad at me for not telling you. Well, let me tell you this. I’d rather die than be with that jerk. Do you think it was easy for me? None of this was easy, keeping it from you, balancing my life, my pregnancy, my work, adjusting to your life, dealing with your controlling dick attitude, and you know what the worse part is? It turns out you are just like him, a jerk.”
“Are you done?” He growled, eyes filled with intense fire.
“How many times do you want me to apologize?”
“I don’t need your apology.” His voice softened.
“Then what do you want from me, Linden?”
“Let’s just go home.”