ESTELLE
“Tell me, Dr. Scott. Am I dying?” Ominous, I asked. I went to his office personally as soon as he said the result was ready.
“No, dear. You’re healthy. All you need is Iron and folic acid supplements.”
“Supplements?” My heart skipped a beat. My gut churned.
“Yes. Congratulations. You’re pregnant.” He beamed at me while I was struck with a myriad of emotions. I didn’t know what to do with them.
“Oh, my God.” I stared incredulously at my doctor while my hand flew to my abdomen. It was still flat, but a tiny human was growing in there. “I am pregnant.”
I choked back the bile rising in my throat as I shook my head in disbelief. I was quick on my feet and stormed out before I could throw up in his office.
I found myself in the restroom, wanting to throw up, but nothing came out except for dread settling in my stomach. I washed my face and mouth and stared at myself in the mirror. My gaze dropped to my abdomen in my dress. Devastation hit me.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Micah asked as she rubbed my back.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel. I prepared myself no matter the result, but it was overwhelming when Dr. Scott confirmed my suspicion that I was pregnant.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Estelle.”
“Am I capable of raising a child alone? No doubt, financially, I can support my child, but I don’t even know how to care for a tiny human. I can’t remember the last time I held a baby in my arms. I’m gonna be a terrible mother, Micah.” When I was about to burst into cry, Micah hugged me.
“It’s okay to feel that way, and I know you’re scared. It’s normal for a first-time mother, and knowing that you’re already thinking of what you should do and worried that you might become a bad mom, you’ve just proven something that you will be the best.”
I wiped my face dry. “I don’t know what to do if you’re not here.”
“I will be here as long as you need me. It doesn’t have to be about my job. All you need is to reach out.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” I forced myself to smile.
“Maybe we should go back to Dr. Scott before he thinks we bailed out on him.” She fixed my hair. “You’re beautiful. I wish you got the baby’s eyes.”
A small smile curved up my lips, even if I was still scared. “He got blue eyes, too, you know.”
“Well, I’m team Estelle. Your baby’s gonna be perfect.”
I came back and sat back across from Dr. Scott. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s normal to react that way. I’ve seen patients cry or jump. I advise you to see Dr. Chesca so that you can see your baby yourself. She’s one of the best obstetricians in town.”
“Thank you.” I blew a breath. “I’m ready.”
“Great.” He wrote something on the file. “Just bring this to her. The report of your blood work. Again congratulations.”
A few minutes later, Micah and I were crossing the other side of the clinic.
My heart suddenly beat wildly as I entered another room. I was already dressed in a patient’s gown and ready to do the ultrasonography.
“Can she come with me?” I asked the nurse.
“Yes, of course.”
I couldn’t help but tap my fingers while waiting for Dr. Chesca to come. I was lying on the bed as if ready to cut open.
“Relax. I can feel your nervousness.”
“You’re not the one having an unwanted pregnancy.”
“Maybe I should just say, well, that’s what you got of having unprotected sex.” She rolled her eyes. “But babies are the cutest things.”
“Wait until they cry and have colic.” Dr. Chesca just walked in.
I raised my head, grimacing, making her smile.
“Just kidding. You may encounter cramps and stretchmarks and feels you are ugly because you look like you just swallowed the whole watermelon and have sleepless nights when your baby won’t stop crying.” She poured gel on the probe and readied my tummy. “But when she begins to recognize your touch, your voice, your smile, and she smiles at you, everything will be okay. You even love the smell of their mouths early in the morning or the sour smell of their armpit. Everything you sacrificed for is worth it.”
“Do you feel better now?” Micah asked, amused.
“It’s gonna be okay, Estelle,” Dr. Chesca said as she pointed to the screen. “Do you see that small circle? That’s your baby. The heart will be developed at this stage. You’re almost into four weeks. So far, so good.”
I couldn’t say a word. My eyes kept staring at the screen.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. A little overwhelmed, but I’m good.”
“Will I see you next month?”
“Definitely.” I smiled, and somehow, my heart lightened up.
“I will prescribe supplements. You know what to avoid eating and drinking, right?”
“Yeah. No alcohol.”
“Stay away from stress. I know hormones can be bitchy, but yoga and regular exercise would help your mood. Before you ask me, I wanna tell you now that it’s safe to have sex while pregnant.”
My cheek burned. “That wouldn’t be a problem.”
“I noticed in your file that you’re single. It’s not a reason not to raise a child alone and be a good mother. Just an advice, it’s always a better idea to let the father involve if you two are together and wants the baby.”
“He is.” I smiled.
***
” Hey.” There was a little awkwardness in our heys as we kissed on the cheeks.
“I’m glad you didn’t change your mind about canceling your plan last minute.”
“It’s good to see you, Gabriel.” We sat across from each other at the cafe. He always looked handsome in his well-tailored crisp suit and tie.
“You look good. I really missed you.”
I swallowed down the guilt in my throat, and he had no idea how much I missed him.
“Sorry, but I missed seeing you around. That’s what I meant.”
I smiled. “I missed you, too. How’s everyone?”
“They’re good, thanks for asking. They missed you, especially Quinn. He’s overseas right now.”
“I’m happy for him.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Estelle. You should text him once and a while.”
I looked down. The guilt was still in my chest. It felt like I just shut everyone out, including Quinn. “I will. Thanks for reminding me.”
The waiter came asking for our order.
“Flat white for me. Decaf.”
I instantly noticed Linden’s reaction. “Since when?”
“I need to stay away from caffeine. Doctor’s order.” I quickly shut my mouth. Crap.
“Are you okay?” That worried voice always struck me in the chest.
“Yeah. Sometimes, I had terrible falling asleep when I woke up in the middle of the night.”
“Will you tell me if something’s not okay?”
“Of course, we’re friends, right?”
He just nodded, seemingly not buying my excuse. “Black for me,” he said to the waiter but still eyes on me. “Do you need anything else? Chocolate cake?”
I smiled. “Do you have cheesecake?”
“We do, ma’am.”
“One, please?”
“Just one.” He looked at the water, smiling. I felt like there was something behind that smile. “We’re sharing.”
As soon as the waiter left, his gaze was too focused, too intense, almost making me squirm.
“What?” I asked when I couldn’t take it anymore, and my face began to warm.
“Nothing. I just noticed something different in you.”
I shrugged. “I swear nothing exciting happened in my life lately.” I just lied— a ginormous fat lie.
“So you’re not engaged yet?”
“Not yet.”
“I would really be angry if you won’t invite me to your engagement party.”
I matched the intensity in his stare. “Don’t start. Don’t make me regret this.”
“I read your note, by the way.” He was quick to change the topic. I admired that in him. “I wonder why I haven’t gotten a single message or a return call. Was that even hard? Really, baby? Breaking up with me over a note. That’s too damn—”
“Maybe I should not come here.” My tone deepened. “This was a bad idea from the start anyway.” I grabbed my bag, but that damn calm and slow voice stopped me.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” he apologized with a slow disbelieving shake of his head. I knew he was sincere, always had, but he was also hurting by keeping that hope up.
“Don’t, and stop calling me baby. Friends don’t call each other baby.” I ignored the tightness in my throat, but it should be done.
His mouth opened, wanting to see something, but I waited, and all I got was a nod.
I called the waiter.
“Estelle, I’m sorry.”
“I know. I’m sorry too.”
“Yes, ma’am?” The waiter came.
“We’d like to take our order out.”
“Right away, ma’am.”
“So I ruined our coffee date or whatever, and you’re—”
“The weather is good. Let’s talk outside. Do you think your feet can handle a few blocks?”
He chuckled as he glanced down at my stilettos. “Nice shoes, but I’m more worried about your feet.”
“These feet can stand even a hurricane of difficulties.”
“But not our relationship.”
My eyes narrowed.
I hadn’t said anything, but Linden raised his hand to surrender. “My bad. My first at being friend-zoned.”
He grabbed the bag and our coffee from the waiter and helped me out of the coffee shop.
“You should go out on a date then.” I grabbed my coffee and sipped it.
“I’ll take your advice,” he simply replied, sipping his coffee. “Maybe a good idea to go out there and have fun once and a while. I should put the dating app on my phone to good use. What do you say, Estelle?”
My smile came out of force.