I was back on my ladder, this time with a power drill, when I noticed the demons were getting distracted.
“Is that her?” asked one, a woman whose name I had shortened to Lily.
“It looks like what we were told she looks like,” a male named Bel something or other said.
“She might be. But unless I know, I’m not bowing to one of those poncy, snooty, --”
“Don’t get distracted, guys,” I said. “That’s how I fell off a ladder.” Whatever they were talking about was something I couldn’t see, on the other side of the windmill.
Oh, let it happen. We need a little physical comedy around here.
“And those two trolls aren’t enough?” I asked.
I’d worn a short skirt, because I liked them. And I was on a ladder, so a couple of trolls down below were only half-working. Twice, now, they’d bumped into each other trying to both occupy the same perfect angle. Twice I’d sent them off to do other things, somewhere else, which motivated them to do the tasks with remarkable alacrity. I knew Gruush was watching them and making sure they did it right, too. Gruush’s motivational style was different than mine, consisting mostly of saying things like, “Nice fingers you have there. Would be a shame if anything happened to them.” He was about six-two, two-hundred and forty pounds, and his methods were effective.
The trolls amused me more than they annoyed me. Fact was, I liked being ogled. I understood why women got tired of it, but it was still pretty novel to me. Also, given my abilities, not to mention my political power in Abbyland, I wasn’t at all threatened by it.
I wasn’t the only one with a power tool. We’d trained several trolls to use them, and I’d bought extras. We made sure to inventory them all at the end of each day, but they made the work go a lot faster.
“Boss!” Gruush yelled up at me.
“Ma’am!” called Bapho.
I flipped the safety on the drill and asked, “What?” I pointed to Gruush. “You first!”
“The windmill blades are ready for inspection,” Gruush said. “But also –”
“Miss me?” asked a familiar voice.
I looked down to see Gren.
“Shame you’re wearing panties,” she said, looking up and ogling. The two trolls who’d been staring all day nodded in agreement, although one of them looked like they were about to have a heart attack at the very idea. I noticed Bapho, who was also down there, trying very hard to suppress a grin.
“Also you have company,” Gruush finished.
I put the drill in my bag and started climbing down the ladder. “I see that. Bapho, what did you need?”
“A word about protocol, Ma’am.”
“I can wait,” Gren said. “Business first.”
I nodded, but gave her a quick kiss anyway. She tasted like something familiar, but I was too distracted to place it. “What’s up, Bapho?”
“Well, Ma’am, is that the Archfiendess?”
My view was finally unblocked, and I saw Lysandra. She was wearing a bra and a mid-length skirt, and she was pretty hot. Standing very close to her was a male elf, slightly taller, with blond hair and pretty boy looks. Standing a little too close, I thought.
Then I took a breath. Poly. Lysandra had been in a spot when she had sex with me, and if she found someone of her own kind, well, that was fine. If she preferred him to me, then I’d have to roll with that too. What we had done had been consensual, but it was also under duress.
Hell if I knew. But I took a stab at it. “Yes. Lysandra! It’s good to see you!”
“It’s good to see you, too, Abby,” she said. She gave me a meaningful look, and the only problem was that I didn’t know what it meant. Her body language was a bit stiff.
“Lysandra, Gren, this is Bapho, Captain of the Uber Guard. Bapho, this is the Archfiendess and Princess Lysandra, and Princess Gren.”
Bapho bowed, and the rest of the demons stopped work so they could form rows and bow too.
“Abby,” Lysandra said, “This is Professor Tysiel, of the University of Avonia, the world’s premier expert in extra-dimensional portals.”
“Charmed,” Tysiel said, with a silky smooth voice. “Queen Abby,” he said, with a ten degree tilt, a sort of half-assed bow. “And Uber Archfiend.”
“Glad you could come to help,” I said.
“I understand that you possess a portal you desire me to analyze?” Tysiel said.
“That’s not the only portal he wants to investigate,” Gren said out of the corner of her mouth. It wasn’t a whisper, and I doubted I was the only one who heard it.
Lysandra had a tight look on her face, and I would have given an ounce of gold to know what it meant. Gren’s meaning was clear enough, or was it? Did she mean hers, or Lysandra’s, or perhaps even mine?
Whatever. I embraced Gren, warmly, and then walked over to Lysandra, feeling a bit uncertain and trying not to let it show.
But once I got close, Lysandra almost hurled herself into my arms. We pressed our bodies close, and I kissed her. She kissed me back, hungrily.
“I get a boner just watching them,” I heard Bel say, in a voice that probably wasn’t meant to be heard. “Her, with the Archfiend’s hot wife. Mmm.”
“Makes me horny too,” Lily said. “Once we get a break, let’s help each other out, shall we?”
“I did what you asked,” Lysandra whispered to me. “But I hope I did it in a way you’re happy with. I had to, um, flirt a bit. Anyway, I got the best.”
“I had faith in you,” I said.
“I thought it was worth the detour to come here rather than go straight to you know where,” Gren said. “I hope I made the right call.”
“Really,” Tysiel said, “The princess should be in charge.”
“A princess is in charge,” Gren said.
“The princess,” Tysiel said. “The Archfiendess, if you prefer.”
“Well,” I said, putting some steel in my voice. “I’m in charge, now.”
Again the partial bow. “Of course, Queen Abby.”
Lysandra whispered in my ear. “I think you should mind control him, too.”
“I didn’t –” I started, but stopped. If Lysandra thought she was mind-controlled, there was nothing I could do to prove otherwise. I turned to deal with a different issue. “Gruush?”
“Can you carry on the work from here? Is there anything you need to know?”
“I got it, boss,” he said. “We won’t make the same kind of progress without you, or – are they staying?”
He was referring to the demons. I thought about it, but I also could see that if you signed up to be a guard, you probably wouldn’t take well to being assigned to do construction work nowhere close to the person you were supposed to be guarding. “No, I’m afraid they have to come with me.”
“Well, it’ll be slower. But we’ll get there. And there’s no real rush, is there?”
“No.” The sooner the better, but there wasn’t a deadline.
“Sooner is always better than later,” Gruush said, reading my tone. “I get that, boss. I’ll motivate them.”
I knew Gruush’s form of motivation. “Don’t um, overdo. Your workmen are also your customers.”
“Good point.” Gruush turned from me, and boomed, “Alright! Back to work everybody! Work hard if you want to be allowed to buy things from the trading post!”
That was not what I meant, but everyone went to work.
The demons formed around me, Gren, Lysandra, and Tysiel. Gren moved to walk with me, while the two elves walked behind us.
“I told Lysandra that you would want her to make love with me every night,” Gren said. She wasn’t asking me a question, just informing me. “So I’ve kept her well satisfied.”
Ah, that was what I tasted on Gren’s lips. “Ah.” I looked at Lysandra, who was back to being hard to read. “Um, I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves.”
“I think the professor has issues,” Gren said. “But he kept sneaking to watch us.”
“That is a grotesque exaggeration,” Tysiel objected.
“I bet he can’t wait to see your big, thick –”
“That’s enough, Gren,” I said.
Gren chuckled. “I knew you’d cut me off. Ah, it’s good to be home. Once the elves found out I was a princess, they kept trying to get me to do all sorts of kinky things with them.”
“Really?” Lysandra asked. “You didn’t tell me about that!”
“Possibly because it’s a fabrication, Princess,” Tysiel suggested.
“What kind of things?” Lysandra asked.
“Well, a few of them wanted me to step on them. Another wanted me to flog him with a very nasty looking whip. A fourth wanted me to force him to have sex with some other guy – I told him they should just do it on their own, if that was what they wanted, but no, they wanted me involved somehow.”
“Did you do any of that stuff?” I asked.
“Nah. I knew you wouldn’t mind, but I didn’t want to create a diplomatic incident. As your wife, some of the elves expect me to be faithful.”
“Which means they have no idea what to make of me, the Archfiend, and you,” Lysandra said. “But they know they don’t want to piss you off.”
“Is Maeve well?” I asked.
“Queen Maeve is in excellent health,” Tysiel said.
“Good,” I said. “Did she like her portrait?”
“Loved it!” Lysandra said, pulling up to walk alongside me. “But she wanted to see you in person. When I explained what had happened, though, she understood that you’re not as free to visit her, now that you have the responsibilities of being an Uber Archfiend.”
I grinned at her. As far as I knew, my responsibilities consisted of making love to her every few months or so. “I bear up under those responsibilities somehow,” I joked.
“If it’s a burden –” Lysandra said.
“Oh, no, it’s not a burden. In fact, I think we need to practice regularly.”
Her eyes lit up. “Of course, Abby.” She paused. “Does practicing with Gren count, too? Not that I’m not eager to practice with you as much as possible.”
I grinned. “You and Gren can do what you like.”
“Good, because we were thinking a welcome home threesome,” Gren said.
“If you need another to help balance the numbers,” Tysiel said. “I would be willing to oblige.”
“Uh, we’re good,” I said. “It’s actually more balanced with just us girls.”
“But I am given to understand that you possess a –”
“Colossal cock,” Gren finished for him.
“Mmm, yeah,” Lysandra said.
Members of my guard, I noticed, were very eager listeners. Lysandra noticed, too.
“So much bigger than any other demon,” Lysandra said, clearly for their benefit.
“New subject!” I said. “Tell me about your trip? Are my pictures selling? Are bras catching on the way you thought they would?”
“Oh yes!” Lysandra said. “The queen loves hers, she’s wearing it all the time. We have so many orders for them!”
I managed to make those subjects last all the way back to the crypt.
Meta was outside, maybe trying to memorize a spot for a new gate. Her horse ears twitched when she was concentrating. Valeria was keeping an eye on her, and barely smiled at me before going back to watching her like a hawk. Meta stopped what she was doing and approached me when we entered the clearing. “Good afternoon, Uber Archfiend. I am reasonably confident a new gate can be created, however the dangers of – you.” She stopped, suddenly, upon seeing Tysiel.
“You. Metatonefukuthulhu,” Tysiel said back. “I will remind you that I am completely uninterested in your sexual advances.”
“I have never made any sexual advances to you, and never will,” Meta said. “And that is Lady Metatonefukuthulhu. As I have told you before, I’m not interested in sex with you, or anyone else.”
“Which is why you dress that way.”
If he thought Meta was dressed slutty, I could only imagine what he thought of Lysandra’s bra and skirt, or my halter top and skirt. Although Lysandra’s skirt was longer than Meta’s. Mine wasn’t. Wait until he saw Xyla.
“How I dress has nothing to do with whether I have any interest in sex, Professor Tysiel.”
I stepped forward. “I was rather hoping you two could work together on finding a solution to my little problem. Is that going to be a problem?”
“Of course not, Uber Archfiend,” Meta said, giving another one of her cleavage-displaying bows. They landed differently, however, after she implied she was ace. It might be intended as service but it wasn’t a flirtation. “Your wish is my command. I can work with this ignorant miscreant.”
“I’m a professional sorcerer,” he said. “And will behave accordingly.”
“In that case, Meta, would you mind showing him the gate and briefing him on the situation?”
“Actually,” Tysiel said, “I think it would be best if someone else performed that function. That way I will get all the needed information without being prejudiced by whatever theories Meta has come up with.”
Meta glared. “Just because the Uber Archfiend can shorten my name, doesn’t mean you can, Tissy.”
I didn’t love the way the two of them were acting, but I realized that what Tysiel said might well be right. If they both came up with the same theory independently, I could trust it more than if one just piggy-backed on the other. “I’ll show you the gate, Professor Tysiel. Gren, could you show him inside? I’ll be there in a moment.”
I walked over to Valeria. “Well?”
“Well what? Meta hasn’t done anything bad as far as I can tell.”
“No. Professor Tysiel. Is he evil?”
“Huh. I never thought about it. Just a second. I’ll get Talos over here to watch, and then I’ll go check.”
I actually kind of hoped he was, because I wanted them on even footing. Meta might be evil, but Tysiel was a jerk.