On the far side of campus there were a group of modern duplex dorms tucked in the trees that were reserved for upperclassmen. Annie had toured them when she first visited the college with her mother. They were almost like real townhouses, and had large common spaces. Annie could tell from the sound of music and raised voices which of the houses she was going, and felt herself getting nervous. The party seemed to have spread to a number of the houses. But there was an especially big group of students out front of one, smoking and talking excitedly. Loud music poured from the doors.
She looked down at herself. She'd zipped the cardigan up against the cold, but it was fitted and she could see her nipples even through the ribbed knit. She'd stopped, thinking there was still time to go back and change when she heard Sue call her.
"Annie you came!" Sue was trotting towards her, a red cup hand. She offered Annie the drink with a laugh. "No idea what's in it, but it's good."
Annie smiled and took a sip; it was sangria. "It's good" she told Sue. "You look pretty." And she did. Sue wasn't as tall as Michele, but she was a tall girl. She had long straight straw colored hair, and a dancer's body. Right then she was flush, even though all she wore was a light flowery dress that showed off her figure and dressy little sandals.
"Thanks, I came out to cool down", she explained, "but I'm starting to freeze", she wrapped her arms around herself. "Come on, everyone else is inside."
Sue led her by the hand through the crowd of smiling boys and girls milling around outside and into the dark loud crowded scene within. Short as she was, Annie couldn't really see where they were going, but Sue kept a good hold of her as they pushed through the crush, and almost unbelievably, the music grew louder and louder as they did. They came into an large commons and Annie understood why Sue was overheated. It was as hot as a sauna, the widows fogged with humidity, and packed with dancing kids.
Sue pointed to a pile of coats next to a sofa and leaned over to yell into Annie's ear. "That's our stuff!"
Annie understood. She unzipped the cardigan and put it with the others' things. Pulling nervously at the hem of her shirt she turned back to Sue, who took her by the shoulders, gave her the once-over twice, and then mimed a snarl and mouthed the words "DAMN GIRL!" Annie smiled with relief at the compliment.
Sue wrapped her arm around her and guided her through the jostling crowd. Nancy saw them first and gave Annie a sweaty hug. She was in a little black dress and heels. Her eyes were made up and her hair was down. Annie hadn't seen other girls as dressed up as Sue as they came in, but seeing Nancy her outfit made sense now. 'She upped the game.'
There were a few other girls from yoga, all in dresses ('I didn't get the memo' Annie thought.) Jill and Rachael from Cross Country, some boys she recognized but didn't know, and a few more boys she didn't even recognize, and Michele - who smiled at Annie, almost bashfully.
Annie understood why there were so many boys in the group. Michele was in heels too, which Annie realized because she stood taller than even the tallest of the boys. She was wearing a little silky blue dress with spaghetti straps that was so plain it could have been a slip. But it draped Michele like a Goddess, and left nothing to the imagination. Even as she thought this, she felt the stronger girl's eyes moving over her like hands. The hungry thing eclipsing the bashful smile. She barely had the chance to smile shyly back before Nancy grabbed her and started dancing.
They had danced for hours. The floors were slippery with spilled sangria - cups of which never seemed to stop coming. At one point everyone cheered when, after passing around her little bowl, Nancy had shotgunned the last hit with Annie. All that night Annie had likewise been passed around like the little bowl, from partner to partner, from boy to girl to girl to boy... she lost lost herself in the dancing.
Hands holding her, groping her, petting her, passing her on. Bodies rubbing against her, breasts pushing against her, and erections pushing into her. Eyes feasting on her. Nancy had held Annie by the hip bones and had ground against her from behind -again more cheers. Annie was unashamed, but there was only one body she wanted to press into, one set of eyes she wanted to feel on her. Each time she had been passed to Michele, the dancing had grown more intense, more fierce. "THIS" she'd whispered in Annie's ear at one point.
It was getting light when they'd dug their coats and jackets and sweaters out of the pile and headed out into the cold. Dozens of laughing stumbling students. Annie walked between Michele and Nancy, her ears ringing from the music. A boy howled at the moon. Michele wrapped her arm around her for warmth when she saw that Annie's was shivering. Nancy had laughed and rubbed her back hard and fast. She burrowed her face into Michele's shoulder, voicing "VrrRrrRrrRrr" through her chattering teeth, which had just made the girls laugh harder still.
Small groups began to cleave off, heading to different dorms. Finally it was just the three of them. It smelled like morning. Birds were beginning to sing. The horizon was a bright clear indigo. They climbed the stair in silence. Annie taking up the rear, remembering how noisy and excited they had all been a week ago climbing these steps together. Nancy looked at Annie when they reach their rooms, studied her for a moment.
"That was great" she told Michele, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"You" she told Annie, "are fucking awesome", kissing her on the lips, and turning towards the door of her room.
Michele opened their door and Annie stepped in, heard the door close and lock softly behind them. They were alone.
The shades were open, but her back was to the window. Blue dawn shadow filled the room. Michele had dropped her windbreaker, the straps of her dress hung on her arms here hair looked like an explosion. For a moment the two of them just stood there in the middle of the room. Michele was so beautiful, so perfect, Annie's felt her heart breaking, afraid of what the other girl might say or do.
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
Annie blinked in surprise.
She wasn't sure what she thought was going to happen but that hadn't been it. She thought of the look of horror on Michele's face the night before when she'd realized that Annie was crying in pain, that she had hurt her. She thought of the way Michele had pushed her away, curled up, refused her attempts to comfort her.
"You can hurt me," Annie told her now, "if that's what you want." And she meant it. She hadn't wanted it to end the night before.
"I don't ever want to hurt you Annie." Her voice was just a whisper. She wiped her eye with the back of her hand.
"I'm falling for you Annie and it scares me." Annie remembered how awful and helpless she had felt listening to Michele's racking sobs in the dark. It had gone on for so long.
She lowered herself to her knees and reached for Michele's foot.
"Don't."
Annie, head bowed, disobeyed. She took ahold of her ankle, found the strap of her shoe and began working it.
"I'm afraid." Michele told her, but stepped out of the shoe and set her foot where Annie guided it. Annie reached for the other ankle, held it and worked the strap.
"I'm scared too," Annie told her, freeing her other foot, lifting it out of the shoe.
"What are we doing?" Michele whispered.