It was hours until Nate was able to control his tears but even then he was shaking, trembling like a leaf in a storm. Tshepo’s hand still held his face away from the horrendous sight of the sharks now dispersing but the image would always remain in his heart.
He couldn’t bury his mother. He couldn’t bury the first girl he ever loved. She sacrificed her life for him yet…he felt helpless and useless. There was nothing he could do right. He was the son of a nobody, a useless drunk and as fate would have it it seemed he was to follow the path of his father.
“We need to go,” Tshepo said softly.
Nate wiped his tears, squeezing his reddened swollen eyes shut for a second to gather his courage. He knew they had to leave, it was only a matter of time until Fredrick’s men stopped hanging about on the cliff to get proof that they were dead. As since he and Tshepo were anything but dead he didn’t want to give them the chance to shoot the damning bullet into him.
He knew they had to go yet as he gathered what was left of his sanity, he knew there was something he had to do.
Revenge.
“Can you walk?” Tshepo asked.
He didn’t reply. He pushed himself up on shaky legs and stood tall, his knees bucked but his will to exact revenge for Anele’s sake kept him standing.
“Where do you think we can go from here?”
“Back into town.”
Tshepo stopped dusting off the white sand on his body to stare at Nate as if he was crazy. He waited for Nate to break down and laugh and tell him he was joking, they hadn’t gone through all these troubles to escape just to turn back. But Nate neither broke down nor laughed. His hands were balled into fists and his side and he looked like he was ready to punch a hole through someone.
Gripping his shoulders, Tshepo shook him. “Are you mad?!” he whispered fiercely while shaking him violently as if to shake off the madness.
“No I am not mad, I am sane and we are going back into town.”
“You have a death wish and I am not falling into that wish with you. Are you insane? Was Anele’s sacrifice for nothing?!”
Nate suddenly grabbed Tshepo by the collar and shoved him into the sand in one swift movement, the sound of both boys falling was a dull thud lost in the crashing of waves in the foamy sea.
“All the more reason to find Fredrick and kill him.”
Tshepo stared wide-eyed at the sudden movement. He gazed up at his friend and under the moonlight, he saw the darkness in his eyes. There was a dull hollow occupied only by flashes of pain and the memories of a very bad day. He could see the demons Nate fought, saw them war against his friend's sanity. His first thought was to swing the tables and pin Nate down so he could punch some sense into him but he knew that would only aggravate Nate more so he put a hand on his friend’s fist.
Nate’s skin was cold to the touch.
“Fredrick will find you. If he knows you are not dead he will find you and finish what he started.”
“Then we must finish him before he finds out.”
“Nathaniel, he is a dangerous man. You are a 15-year-old boy, how do you expect to kill a man well-known and respected – also feared, by everyone in this country? If you kill him, his men will find you and kill you.”
“I don’t care. I have nothing to live for but his death.”
Seeing that he wasn’t getting through to him, Tshepo released his fists from Nate’s. Nate still held on to his collar. He didn’t know what to do. If he resisted Nate could kill him faster than he could regret it, he could see it in his eyes. His eyes were cold and sad. Tshepo’s heart went out to his friend yet he couldn’t let Nate slip into the deep abyss of darkness.
His only other choice was to help him. They will both end up dead but if Nate was adamant to die then he might as well die with him.
“Fine,” he said finally. “I will help you.”
Those words seemed to have an effect on Nate. But it wasn’t the effect Tshepo was hoping for. The dazed, angry, blank look in his eyes cleared and he released his grip on Tshepo.
“What?” he asked.
“I will help you if revenge is what you want.”
But Nate wasn’t listening to him. “No, no no no…” he muttered as he released Tshepo and rocked back to seat on his heels. “You can’t help me, this is my battle, my fight and I will do it alone.”
“Your battle is mine too, if I can’t stop you then I will join you.”
“You can’t! Your life is in danger. If I am caught I can’t go free as a foreigner. Hell, I might even get a slap on the wrist but you, your skin is all the damning evidence they need to blame you for helping me. They might even accuse you of being the mastermind in this murder scheme!” Nate stood up. “You can’t help me. I am a damned man for life, you have your whole life ahead of you. I am my father’s son! He was nothing but a drunk and a failure, I am doomed for the same. You can’t throw your life away just to help me get revenge on a man.”
Tshepo pushed himself up and it was his turn to grip Nate’s collar. “If you are ready to throw away your whole life for murder then I will do the same. I hate Fredrick as much as you do. Honestly, I would much rather walk away from all these and forget about it for the rest of my life but as long as Fredrick is alive I will always live with the fear that he might find me, bring me back, and kill me…or worse, sell me off permanently as a sex slave.” Tshepo’s voice choked. “I was humiliated in the worst way ever. I was used, battered, tied up and rammed into like an animal. A slave's fate is better than what I went through. You only experienced half of what I endured for months yet I am willing to walk away. But if you choose revenge, then I have no choice but to join you, friend.”
Nate stared at Tshepo. For the first time, he realized what an idiot he had been. He had been so lost in his pain that he failed to notice his friend's pain. And now that he saw the raw emotion in Tshepo’s eyes, the unshed tears, he burned with a deeper rage and thirst for vengeance.
“Fredrick must pay for his crimes,” his voice broke, “with his blood. For what he did to you, to the other boys, to the slaves, to Anele…he must pay.”
“Then let me help you.”
Reluctantly Nate agreed. “Only if you promise not to get in my way.”
For the first time since the long night, Tshepo smiled and pulled Nate in for a hug, his tears clogging his throat.