"You did this on purpose," I say the moment we enter my father's office, even though I know he couldn't have known.
My Dad swiftly looks at me. "Did what?"
"Threw a huge party hoping I would find my mate somewhere in the crowd and stay," I close the door behind us.
"Lily... Why do you always have to blame me? Never in my wildest dreams-"
"Oh, spare me," I cut him off. I know he must be bursting with excitement. "Don't insult my intelligence by pretending you aren't happy with the turn of events."
He is silent at first, brooding. Then he speaks. "You're right about me wishing to have you here. But I am not lying when I say I did not expect this. Of all the people..." he sits in his chair, worried, "why did it have to be him?"
I shoot him with a stare. "Why do you say that? What's wrong with him?" If my father is displeased about this situation, then there's definitely something wrong.
"It's just that...he's a Carter. Their Alpha even. You know how they are..."
"No."
I'm not kidding. I've been out of this place for years and even before I was never interested in gossip. I always knew I would leave before following an Alpha.
My dad shakes his head, lifting his gaze off the floor. "Well, you know Darius is too young to be an alpha by heritage."
My forehead crinkles. I don't have patience for this tip toeing. "Give it to me straight."
"He killed the previous Alpha, Lily. His uncle. That's how he assumed the position."
Shit.
I forgot the Carter pack still functions like in the old age - allowing Alphas to be challenged for their position at any time.
How awful. Being constantly in fear of your own pack members. Only he doesn't seem to be a tad afraid.
"Wait," I just realize something, "had I won the fight... I would have become the Carter leader."
My dad chuckles. "Only if you had murderer Darius. Given he's your mate...that seems unlikely. And you already are their Luna."
Not by merit, though. By 'marriage'. And I know how dominating Alphas can be. If he murdered his own uncle to rule, I doubt he's all about equality and sharing.
I shake my head. "I can't do this," and collapse onto his couch. "You know I can't better than most."
"Listen," he puts a hand over my shoulder. "You can't escape who you are. Human life will never be enough. I saw you on that field - you still have the same problem, Lily."
I frown. "He attacked Ian, dad."
He almost laughs. "That's not why you provoked him. And why you fought him even after Ian was left alone." He raises an eyebrow. "You wanted to prove you were better. I know I wasn't a stellar dad, but I know this much. Ever since you were a little girl, you challenged those kids who had a better title. You can't accept being a subordinate."
"No," I cut him off, "the thing I can't accept is that I have my life cut out for me! I didn't need this, dad! I had my life planned out. Ok? I still do!"
"That doesn't matter, God dammit!" he demands now. "Mate bonds can't be broken, forgotten or ignored. It's bigger than you, me, and everyone combined."
"Ian, dad. You're forgetting about Ian."
"Forget about Ian," he urges. "Say farewell to the boy while you still have a clean slate."
"There's nothing clean about our slate, dad. Five years!"
"That's nothing!" He shouts. "You aren't married, you don't have kids! There's no family you're gonna break!"
"He is family to me! Better than you ever were." I bite my tongue. That was fair, but I didn't mean to say it. I can't blame him for a few years of heavy drinking after losing his wife mate.
"You don't know what happened, Lily," he swallows hard. "I tried my best, but... It took time for me to gather the strength to move on."
Don't I count? No one asked me if a little girl needed some time off to dwell. Instead, I had to play Mom to three little J's.
"Even if there was no Ian," I change the topic, "I still wouldn't want to stay."
"Of course not," he mumbles.
"Why don't you just say what you mean?" I've had it with his pricky comments.
"Darius scares you."
"Bullshit. I am not 'pack material'."
"You love Ian because he's safe. He has no imminent danger in his life, he loves you, lets you lead... You know you're his protector," he clicks his tongue, "but Darius... he's a whole another story. And you'll be entering his life. Not the other way around."
My hand reaches for one of my father's cuban cigars.
This could never work out. What was I thinking?
I light one up.
Was I even taking it as an option? To stay and be part of his pack?
"I am leaving home with Ian," I announce. I have to get out of here. And I have to do it fast. Before this escalates into God-knows what.
"Since when do you smoke?"
"Since now," I say. "Will you resent me for doing that to you?"
Shaking his head, he smiles. "You're my only daughter. My first-born child. If you want to leave, I will make sure your wish is granted."
My stomach turns. "This already sounds like I'm imprisoned."
He squints subtly. I can tell he's brooding, but won't share his thoughts.
He then stands up, certain in his action. "I will help you leave. But I will not help you escape."
I narrow my eyes. "What exactly do you mean by escape? I'm not shackled here, dad."
"Well you don't expect him to just hold the door open for you, do you?" he watches me unconvinced. "You are Luna of his pack now, whether you like it or not."
"As long as I'm not in wolf form, he has no power over me." Theoretically, even then I could disobey my Alpha's command, but I don't quite control my wolf. She's... different.
I remember how she followed his words earlier in the woods. She actually wanted to. Oof, my wolf's a hoe.
"Of course not," Father reassures me. "The only way he could force you to stay is by physical force and he will never do that."
I look at him suspiciously. "Do you know him that well?"
He shrugs. "Werewolf men are prideful beings. The higher your rank, the prouder you are. You don't think an Alpha of the strongest pack around will stoop so low to shackle his own mate to keep her near?"
It does seem too lame for a big fat Alpha.
"Let me talk to him first," he says. "We won't take long. Then I suggest you meet him for a few minutes and explain things from your perspective."
As I don't reply immediately, he continues. "I assure you it is the better way. You can't run away from him. He would find you wherever you go. You are linked now. And when he does find you, running will only make you look weak."
I can't help but agree. So I look at my father and give him a short nod.
It's my best shot anyway.
My father quickly grabs hold of the doorknob and I can't help but notice his eyes glowing with some hidden victory.
I realize I don't want to know why.
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